Oh, no! Not another Mom Letter!



MOM LETTERS
Mom letters are infamous in my home.  I maintain I send them just to share what I think I have been learning, but the recipients often see them as a forum for sharing what I think they are not doing or could be doing better, a written form of a "come to Jesus" meeting.  If they would read them a little more carefully, they contain things I want to do better.  Sharing our thoughts in written form is a great mental exercise and is most valuable, not for the recipients, (our children and spouses), but for the person writing them!   If people waited until they were perfect at understanding and implementing truth, we would have no scriptures and no novels. A mom letter is also an invitation to write back and share what they have been learning. 

WOMEN NEED OTHER WOMEN
Throughout my life, I have been blessed with several individuals who have kept me accountable in sharing what I felt I was learning.  First it was my sister, then there was a group of women who gathered on a regular basis, then it was a sister-in-law and finally, an intimate group of friends.   Throughout all of this time, I had children who were hungry to exchange dreams and spiritual experiences when we gathered each weekend morning, summer or times they were off track and there was pillow talk with older children when they came home from a date or work and on the way to Gramma’s house and back.    With these individuals, lunch, snacks, dinner and even fun, were always secondary to the spiritual sharing that took place.   What was so fun, is that the individuals involved expected something important would take place, they expected mutual edification.  They thought they would get something at the table from the individuals gathered and they felt they would contribute something of value.  

Current and future moms with whom I share regularly. 

 Photo of several of my daughters and two daughters-in-law with me in the center.

THE MEN IN MY LIFE.
 I am encircled about with men who see women as equals in spirituality and importance.  It is something they believe in their innermost souls.  No man can pretend what isn't there convincingly.   My husband, Bryan, has learned communication skills that have lifted my soul.  He is willing to hear me out and not rush in with solutions or condemn me for conclusions.  It is a powerful, powerful tool.  Parenting and marriage books promise that the one sharing is far more likely to consider options and see their flaws in thinking, far faster than when being compelled to do so.   It is so true!  But, I have found men are more reluctant to share deeply. 



Sometimes husbands see the invitation of "let's talk" as a hostage situation!  A photo of me with my husband, Bryan. 



KEEPING A JOURNAL IS ANOTHER WAY OF SOLIDIFYING WHAT WE ARE LEARNING ALONG THE WAY.

I learned from these ladies about an important principle which I have simply called “writing”.   It is simply to briefly record our morning prayer.  I literally write down my prayer and it begins with “Dear Father”.  I take a moment to recognize His hand in my life and my greatest questions and desires.   I also record any dreams I may have had, not knowing initially if they are meaningful or not.   After doing that, I just take some time to listen what comes into my heart and mind as if from His mouth.   These are primarily what are contained in my multitude of journals.  For example, I recorded what I saw as a miracle yesterday.  We had determined to get all of our things out of the basement to give Brett and Missy and their children more room in the basement.   I had suggested this as a goal, but  Dad determined we should do this yesterday.  He brought everything upstairs and I began to be faint of heart.  We have been used to having all or a portion of a basement to house some of 40 years of collected stuff.  When I saw what came up, I was overwhelmed.  I shared my concerns with my Heavenly Father, and received a  few short impressions.  They were simply that angels would help me in this task and it would be done in a day and I would joy and rejoice in the results.  Though our kitchen looked like we just moved in with box after box staring at me, I now approached this task with hope.  Hope is the biggest by product of daily sharing with the Lord when there is that expectation that you will get something important from that process.  For me it is different from just praying.  It is a form of accountability.

THREE IMPORTANT DAILY QUESTIONS FOR THE LORD.
In my written prayer, I ask three important questions in one form or another.  What am I prepared to learn today about the gospel?   I am basically asking God to tutor me.   Next, of all the things I need to repent of, bring into my view that which is most needful to address now.  Finally, what is the best use of my time and energies today?   I write down the feelings that immediately come as if from His own mouth.  Surely, many of those thoughts are my own, but I also believe many come from outside of me.  I am able to consider things I had not considered.  I feel the spirit and my hope doesn’t run out that day.  I feel the gospel is doable when I am consistent in this process. 

THE POTENTIAL OF SHARING VERBALLY WITH OTHERS

I just completed a contracted thirty school days of teaching 10 teenage boys who are in state's custody this summer for our local school district.   It is a new program where the boys have a chance to earn recovery credit and fill in any gaps in learning they may have.  I teach them math, language arts and study skills.   We talk about principles of learning every morning for just a couple of minutes.  I often feel strong waves of the spirit in that process.  In their eyes, though they have done all sorts of criminal acts, though they know little about the principles of Godliness, they expect to learn something and they think they have something to share.  This summer has probably been the highlight of my professional career.  Last week I shared excerpts of an article that appeared in Forbes Magazine that described 10 important characteristics of highly influential people.    Though I only got to read the first four, because I had to subscribe to the magazine to get the rest, these concepts literally made my heart sing because they happen to include what I also consider are the four most important elements of establishing a Zion Society.   The following is my interpretation of what she wrote about in my own words. 

The first is that those successful individuals are consistently engaged in an effort to learn more and improve.  The world is filled with individuals who grumble through life, hate their job and their circumstances and then there are those who love what they do and love their life.  These are primarily those who see life an a never ending opportunity to grow. 

The second was that these individuals were not content to have things remain as they are.  They always saw situations that needed to change and set about to change them.   My thought is that these individuals see what is going well, but also can see those ways that a situation or circumstance can improve and are not afraid to share those ideas.  They have faith in themselves as being an instrument of change and they believe in others' capacities to make needed changes. 

The third characteristic was that these individuals know that nothing great happens if it isn’t mutually beneficial.  It is never at the expense of those with whom you associate or work with.  The author said that the world is full of individuals who have a positive mindset and are shakers and movers, but if they are willing to get ahead at the expense of others, they really are simply narcissists.  Then there are those few who understand and are committed to the mutual benefit of all involved. 

 The fourth characteristic of these individuals is that they recognize the need for sharing and are open to others’ critiques.  They recognize the importance of synergy in making progress and getting things done.  My thoughts are that this will even occasionally include sharing with those set over us.   There is order in any church organization, any  business, and even in a family if you subscribe to a patriarchal order.  All members of any organization need to bring their best to the table.  Sometimes that necessitates having difficult conversations.  After collaboration and decisions are made by those in authority, all need to work together to make those decisions work to the best of their abilities.  

I only have to guess what the author included in the remainder of her list, but there are two I would add:   One is that there is a plan for us that is far more detailed than we suppose and that the circumstances in which we find ourselves, could be part of that "plan" and are often potential stepping stones to greater things, if we turn unto the Lord.   I have quoted Neal Maxwell numerous times:  "It does no violence to our frail human logic to observe that there cannot be a grand plan of salvation for all mankind, unless there is also a plan for each individual."    Seeking the Lord's input and view of what is to be a part of our lives and what isn't is actually a part of the repentance process.    Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what others think of us.  It doesn’t matter if they buy into our philosophies.  It doesn’t matter if others make needed changes.  What matters if that, with God’s help, we find out what our errand is exactly which often includes giving others their best chance of coming unto Christ.  Our plan often and will primarily  consist of opportunities to interface with certain individuals throughout the course of our lifetime.

The second I feel to share and this of course, this is not an exhaustive list, (though this post may seem a little exhausting), is that there are righteous priorities that are always in play.   Our first priority is our relationship with God for without that one, we are terribly handicapped in meeting other’s needs or fulfilling our life’s mission.  The second is our spouse or in the absence of a spouse, our focus needs to be in becoming “spouse” material rather than finding that spouse.  The third is our unmarried children, followed by our married children.   Then, our priority is the world at large with those closest to us and beyond.   Whatever choices we make, this order matters most.  As we seek to please the Lord, we need to keep an open mind, both as to what the Lord is going to ask us to sacrifice and what he is willing to give us or ask us to retain. 

Though I have ten children, this is my current nuclear family, as the rest of our children are married.



So how did things turn our yesterday?  The angels ended up being Audrie, Alyse and Bryan and intermittent thoughts from my Father in Heaven throughout the day.  The miracle was that things in my home were better organized.  We found a place for everything.  I now have many things all in the same location.  The garbage can is full.   Ironically,  I don’t feel more cramped, but rather more functional.  We found things we thought were lost.  I initially believed this was a hopeless task.  I don’t know what lies ahead in immediate futurity.  I only know that God is merciful and that His perspective will beat mine any day. 

Love, Mom

Teaching Faith

How does a mother teach her children faith?  I was blessed with someone in my life who introduced me to the principle of faith.  Now, over forty years later, I am stilling refining my understanding of it.  All I know if that my greatest blessings have been the fruits of faith. 

Son, Brett and his wife Missy, hold Family Home Evening each Monday Evening in an attempt to teach their children faith.

 

  My sister, 15 years my senior, taught me vital truths about the nature of God as I was approaching adolescence.   She began teaching me about the importance of studying scriptures and the words of prophets, key to building my faith.  On my birthday and Christmas, she gave me a doctrinal book to read and told me what book she wanted for those occasions.  She taught me how to study.  She explained that the careful student will look for blessings or attributes they want to acquire and then they should seek to find the laws upon which those blessings are based.  It became a type of treasure hunt for me.  My first experiment was to try to keep laws associated with specific blessings  surrounded Sabbath Day observance.  The blessings I sought were listed in Isaiah 58 which included an increased ability to hear direction from the Lord and increased light, which to me meant an increased ability to gain knowledge.  She had literally pointed out 16 blessings that Isaiah promised the faithful Sabbath Day observer.  She said that one of the blessings indicated one would be smarter."   I thought, how does a 13 year old keep the Sabbath Day Holy?  I decided that in addition to going to church, I could decline offers to go shopping on Sunday with my mother.  I could fast once a month for 24 hours and that I could make it more holy by  not doing my homework on Sundays.  After putting that principle to the test, I found myself doing much better in school.  I was on the High Honor Roll for the first time in my life.  I also felt an increasing ability to recognize promptings.   I literally became somewhat of a scholar receiving a host of academic accolades upon graduation from college.  But, much more importantly, I began to understand more fully the role of faith in both implementing commandments and realizing the subsequent fruits that obedience.   

 

It takes great faith to believe that the Lord can influence us in both big and small decisions we make in life.

 

Mormons subscribe to an incredible doctrine that separates them from many other churches.  It is the right of individuals to receive personal revelation.  It doesn’t just include divine guidance in one’s personal life and affairs, but knowledge about the mysteries of Godliness.    Joseph Smith taught, speaking of himself, "God has not revealed anything to Joseph, but what He will make known unto the Twelve, and even the least Saint may know all things as fast as he is able to bear them, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 149)." After receiving the revelation of the three degrees of glory he wrote a the end of section 76 of the Doctrine and Covenants:  “But great and marvelous are the works of the Lord, and the mysteries of his kingdom which he showed unto us. . . which he commanded us we should not write. . . neither is man capable to make them known, for they are only to be seen and understood by the power of the Holy Spirit, which God bestows on those who love him, and purify themselves before him.  To whom he grants this privilege of seeing and knowing for themselves; that through the power and manifestation of the Spirit, while in the flesh, they may be able to bear his presence in the world.”

Bringing a child into what seems like an uncertain world takes great faith. 

 

One of my first significant dreams was a simple one.  It was a man coming up to me and asking if I wanted to see an ancient oil lamp.  I was excited to view one, as the parable of the wise virgins was one of my favorite parables.   He showed it to me and I loved seeing it.  Then he asked me if I wanted to see a modern day lamp.  To be polite, though less excited about this, I said yes.   He showed me an identical lamp.  I considered this might be a significant dream.  As I pondered and prayed about that dream, I felt the Lord was telling me that the same kind of faith required by the ancients would be required of me.  I would, if I determined to be a faithful saint, be asked to pass tests of my faith that would require me to go forward, not knowing the end from the beginning.   I would have my own Abrahamic tests and  Red Seas to cross.  How could it be otherwise?  They came and are still coming and I thank God for them. 

The Simplest of Matters

Have you ever learned something from a quote or a scripture that was life changing.   I like the LDS philosophy that anything that is uttered by the power of the Holy Ghost is scripture.   A quote that has uplifted and inspired me was authored by Lorenzo Snow, an LDS prophet.   He said,

There is a way by which persons can keep their consciences clear before God and man, and that is to preserve within them the Spirit of God, which is the spirit of revelation to every man and woman. It will reveal to them, even in the simplest of matters, what they shall do, by making suggestions to them. We should try to learn the nature of this Spirit, that we may understand its suggestions, and then we will always be able to do right. This is the grand privilege of every Latter-day Saint. We know that it is our right to have the manifestations of the Spirit every day of our lives.

In Conference Report, Apr. 1899, 52.

The part that inspired me most was the concept that I could ask God about “the simplest of matters”.  Whether it is about child rearing, how to best use my time, or just wanting insight as to why I am suddenly feeling stressed or fearful, I can seek the Lord's input through prayer.   That idea combined with the admonition in the Book of Mormon found in Alma 37:37 to “counsel with the Lord in all thy doings”, has convinced me that "checking in" with the Lord is not just a privilege, but rather a commandment.   Some limit the scope of their prayers to the really big decisions in their life, and life altering questions such as who to marry, where to live, and how many children to have.  But, I believe that it is in seeking the Lord's wisdom in the smaller day to day decisions that helps prepare us to recognize his voice when it comes to those all important decisions.

One of the things that is important to me is trying to set my home in physical order.  A measure of physical order helped me feel the spirit more abundantly.  Two years ago, we moved to a new home.  We really felt guided to our current address and felt to involve the Lord in the decisions we were making in relation to that new home.   When it was nearing time to move in, we wanted to have our furnishings look nice, but our current furniture just didn’t match as well as we liked.   We had all shades of brown and now we had a grey color scheme to deal with.   We went on lots of shopping trips, but never felt peaceful about purchasing new bedroom furniture.  Finally, the thought came to me to refinish some of what we already had.   I shared this idea with a neighbor and she steered me in the direction of a product that didn’t require sanding first.  I felt immediately peaceful about trying this and my husband was willing to let me try it out. 

This was our first attempt.  It had been a honey color.

We loved the results and ended up refinishing countless pieces of what we already had. 

The best part was not having any payments for furniture. 

We  had as Ethan Allen Set, but wanted a darker black brown set to match our décor.  We finished all these pieces with a color called Kona.  I even painted my lamps and added new shades. 

About a year after we moved in that we were able to host a daughter’s wedding reception in our home, another money saver.  

The wood frame above the cake was refinished, we simply added a new black and white print.

Chris and Corinne's reception was a success!

We found a new media cabinet, but painted this frame to match.

     We found that red was a perfect accent color that worked for all seasons.  Yellow becomes more prominent in the spring.

I found some great upholstery fabric, I used it throughout the house for pillows and refinishing this bench.

The effect was what we wanted.  Simple with pops of color.

This is a bench that comes in during the winter and returns to the porch in the spring.  We added several black and white picture frames to help decorate.  The coat rack not only kept with the theme, but was actually useful. 

There will be mistakes made in the process of trying to involve the Lord in our doings, there always are because we "see things through a glass darkly".  We let a man who came to our door promoting his cement business, convince us to use him in December to pour a parking strip.  It was a horrible job and we found out later, he was not even licensed.  The thought of a getting a good deal ended up costing us more than double the going rate when you added the removal of that cement.  Inspiration can be clouded by our own desires, wisdom and pride or the persuasive voice of fear or temptation.  At such times, we simply need to go back to the Lord in a spirit of humility and ask for more input.  The answer isn't to avoid the revelatory process because we aren't perfect at it. 

 

Additionally, it isn’t always about saving money, being prudent, choosing the hardest thing or conversely avoiding all stress, or any combination of the above.   We may have an answer that ultimately leads to a very challenging circumstance.   We may incorrectly assume that when things are rough, we must have made a huge  mistake or heard wrong.  Just maybe, the Lord led us into a course or circumstance that has the capacity to give us some graduate level knowledge about life and the gospel or perhaps smooth out rough edges that could removed in no other way.    It is rather about faith and seeking each day to involve the Lord in our daily lives and increasing our ability to hear his voice.  Repentance is that process of returning to our knees again the next day with a desire to hear and implement his influence a little better than the day before.   It is acknowledging his hand in our lives and trading our limited perspectives in for his divine and perfect perspective.   

I cry each time I take the tree down. Well, not really. .

Congratulations!   You survived another Christmas Holiday Season.  Years ago I became aware of a stress test wherein you could determine how likely you are to get really sick in the near future as determined by the number of points you score.  The premise is that the higher the score, the more likely you are to experience physical illness or another stress related malady.  For example, if you had a significant financial blow or lost or started a job, or added a new member to the family, etc., etc. you were assigned a certain number of points.  Understandably there are huge things that give you a larger number of points such as trouble with the law, divorce, and of course, a death in the family.  But,  I was surprised to find that simply getting through the Christmas season was one of the ways you could add points.  Even good things can add some stress to our lives, such as a promotion at work or a vacation.  So how did you do?  Was it the joyous season you hoped it would be or are you simply glad it is over?  I always like to take a minute at the end of the season to consider what went well and what didn't go so well and whether the person I was trying to honor during the Holiday was pleased or disappointed in my efforts. 

Honoring the Season:  I believe that we should honor and celebrate religious holidays and special occasions.  The Savior honored these kinds of traditions.  His first recorded miracle was performed at a marriage in Cana.  But honoring the season can be difficult if it involves extreme and costly preparations.  I think we should avoid the goal as mothers to make the holiday amazing for all within our stewardship.   We need to remind ourselves, and our children, that it will be a great season if we individually take efforts to stay close to our Father in Heaven, both in the creation and implementation of our plans.  While some claim that the season brings great feelings of love and increased feelings of the spirit, others struggle to maintain the spirit they have the rest of the year, because they feel so burdened by the holidays.  I try to remember that it isn't the Lord who over-programs me, I do that to myself.

A week before Christmas I fell into my bed exhausted.  We had four December birthdays and a daughter who completed her mission with all the excitement and gatherings that accompany that happy event.  Our returned missionary also had surgery on her foot the day following her homecoming talk and lots of follow-up care. I did a self-check and couldn't recall feeling the spiritl that particular day or even the day before.  I wondered if I was failing and displeasing the Lord in my offerings.  I cracked open the scriptures, began reading with honest intent, and the spirit returned.  I had been reading the scriptures, but in my "busy-ness" that exercise had become perfunctory.  I felt increased hope knowing that if I involved the Lord more, simplified my preparations and got more rest, I would make it through the season.

Honoring Relationships:  At Christmas time many people find themselves experiencing some genuine depression.  Often it is because this is that time of year where we consider the strength of our relationships with significant others.  We may feel like a fifth wheel if we are unmarried or not currently "in a relationship".  We greatly miss those who have passed on.   There may be family members who are estranged.   Some who have departed from the predominant faith of their families may feel judged and "cast out".   Gathering with loved ones who don't seem to be going through what we are going through can often be a painful reminder of our circumstance.  Even deciding how to recognize neighbors and how many to acknowledge can be stressful.  If this is a time when we are struggling financially, the holidays may seem particularly bleak. 
 

A Time to  Focus and Refocus:  At these times, we need to focus first and foremost on our own relationship with Christ.  One of my favorite traditions is to gather on Christmas Eve, where the focus is less on gifting and more on the Savior.  We do have all the siblings exchange names which rotates each year, and they exchange their gifts that night.   Grandma gives a gift to all the grandchildren.  The little ones do the manger scene as Luke is read.  But then we have adult guests from that first Christmas, dressed in costume, who share their stories with us.  They especially focus on how they individually prepared to receive the Savior.  The point is often considered that these individuals had relationships with the Savior before this great event occurred.  I think it doubtful that Mary had not had spiritual experiences prior to this time.  She was surprised at the Angel Gabriel's salutation, not at seeing an angel.  It is ludicrous to me to think that Joseph's revelation to marry Mary was his first spiritual experience. I believe he had enough spiritual experience to know and trust in that message from the Lord.  Every time I see my family members dress up, I consider that the individuals who received him were mortals just like us.  We too can make the decision to please the Lord, instead of pleasing men.  They had hope in the fact that pleasing God would lead to a glorious future in His Kingdom.   Like these great individuals in the past, we must proclaim what we believe to be true, live by faith, not seeing the end from the beginning, and allow those who hear us the choice to consider our testimonies or not.  It is to reach out in faith, knowing we need the atonement every bit as much as any being who has ever lived, except for Him, who made that atonement possible.  This may a time when we are given the opportunity to prove we will love and serve the Lord at every hazard, not caring too deeply about what other people think of us.

I always breath a sigh of relief when the decorations come down.  I feel the same way when I return from a trip.  I love normal life.  I love routine and simplicity.  But, this is the time of year for new beginnings.  It is the time to test what we believe to be true by being our best selves, being honest in all of our doings, forgiving and forgetting, and serving those whom the Lord, in his omniscience, placed in our family circles.  It is to consider that His return draweth nigh and it is time to prepare for that event by seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.  If we do this with singleness of heart, then then all these things shall work together for our good and His name's glory.   This was perhaps, one of the sweetest holidays I have ever experienced.   The best times were definitely those moments when I was just holding a baby, sharing thoughts with loved ones, or hearing about my daughter's mission and what she learned.  As I put the ornaments away, I was genuinely excited for next Christmas and wondered what might transpire between this year and next.  I don't worry about stress tests and my accumulation of points.  It isn't what happens to me that is all important, but how I respond to those stressors that will make all the difference. 
 

Do World Events Make You Anxious?

Can there be peace amidst the storms and challenges of modern mothering? 
 Me with my daughter, Shanelle, who is the mother of five young children.   

LDS members have been told that the Second Coming is near since the incipient beginnings of their church when Joseph Smith, the prophet of the Restoration, explained in the very first chapter of the Doctrine and Covenants:  "Prepare ye, prepare ye for that which is to come, for the Lord is nigh".   This can be considered both good and bad news.  As we are taught, it is a great day for the prepared and a dreadful day for those who are not.  But how imminent is the Second Coming and how important is it for faithful saints to know of its general proximity?  Scriptures in the Old Testament, the New Testament all contain a significant number prophecies whereby informed and believing souls can identify the signs of the times.   These things are reinforced by what we consider to be modern revelation which includes the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price, as well as inspired utterances by modern apostles and prophets. 

I often think of pregnancy as a type and shadow for the Last Days.  As the pains become more intense, your knowledge that delivery is approaching becomes more sure. Knowing what to expect reduces anxiety and helps you be prepared for the transitioning events.  Every prophet talked about the last days and how intense they would eventually become, "For there shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be."  Matthew 24:21

But, what we must never forget is the potential of what delivery can yield.  I recall my first pregnancy and how painful it was becoming.  The hardest part was not knowing at what point I was at and if I could endure to the end.  I had falsely assumed that labor began in the delivery room.  I had misunderstood the order of things as presented in my maternity classes.    I wondered if all the pain I had endured to that point was but a precursor to something perhaps unbearable.  I didn't know that my delivery was literally minutes away.  When I began to have contractions in subsequent pregnancies, I would actually get butterflies, the excited, anticipatory kind, because I knew what was possible.  I feel it can also be such when anticipating the winding up scenes and seeing prophecies being fulfilled which indicate that these days are near, even knowing that difficult days lie ahead.  We anticipate that it will culminate with a condition where every knee shall bend and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ.  It will be a time, according to Isaiah and the Book of Revelation, when all tears shall cease for the righteous.   "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for former things are passed away."  Yet, it is clear that calamities and the predominance of unrighteousness upon the earth are going to be a part of the refining process:  "What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they? . . . These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb."  (Revelation 7:13-14)  

Not only do we have the words of Isaiah, Paul, John, Peter and others rehearse what the last days would entail, but we have had all the prophets of the Restoration give us insights as to what expect. As a young teenager, I was so impressed with the 24th chapter of Matthew and its rehearsal of conditions in the last days.  Now, more than 4 decades later, almost every one of these predictions have seen at least partial fulfillment.  So do I panic?  Do I worry what the recent Blood Moon may have set in motion?  The answer is no.    Have I made a mad dash to the grocery store?  I have added systematically to my food storage supply.  Is this a time to be wholly at peace and lulled into a type of security.  I don't think that is appropriate for any time in mortality, much less this time.  There is simply no better time than right now to set our homes in order.   Delay just postpones blessings that we could now be enjoying.  It is like trying to immunize yourself after you hear the outbreak is in your city, your neighborhood or in your home.  It is risky and imprudent to delay.  

I have noticed some working more diligently on their food storage of late.   I love how the Lord defines a righteous virgin in D&C 45:57:  "For they that are wise and have received the truth, and have taken the Holy Spirit for their guide, and have not be deceived, verily I say unto you, they shall not be hewn down and cast into the fire, but shall abide the day."  If I had to choose between having an ample supply of food, necessities and sundries or the current capacity to recognize and qualify for the gifts of the spirit, I would definitely choose the latter.  But, the latter can persuade me to follow the words of the prophets and set aside a supply of necessities.    I call this a righteous spiral.  Keeping the commandments increases your sensitivity to the Spirit of revelation.   The Spirit can give us direction and inspiration in the implementation of those commandments. 

I feel the advice as found in D&C 51:17 is perfect.  "And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good."  But if we are knowledgeable about the scriptures, praying and counseling as a family, we will be prepared even if the end is soon through a marvelous principle called the Law of Justification.  One of our families favorite scriptures is found in Malachi 3:16:  "Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another.  And the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name.  And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them as a man spareth his own son that serveth him."

We live in precarious times.  Pride, evil and arrogance abound.  It is just as President Ezra Taft Benson predicted.  He said that society just prior to the second coming of the Savior will be just as it was prior to His visiting the Americas, following His resurrection.  Evil would abound, but there would also be those so spiritually attuned that they will have rent the veil and communed with angels. It would be a time when it would be very unpopular to promote morality.  It would be a time when good would be called evil and evil good.   It would be just as it was in Jerusalem, when Christ declared He was the Bread of Life, when many no more walked with him.  I believe the great and final winnowing has begun in earnest, just as in the meridian of time.  

So how do we know where we stand?  We might ask ourselves, "when was the last time I felt the spirit strongly?"   Feeling the spirit is a good indication that you are on a strait and narrow path.   However, if you feel that you cannot progress because of the actions of others, it is likely that you have need of repentance.  Repentance, as is explained in the Bible Dictionary, is from a Greek word "of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world."  We need to approach God and seek his view of things, including his view of us.  Then, we need to trust him and let him mold us into that person he wants us to become.   Don't feel badly, the more enlightened you are, the more you will take advantage of the healing power of the atonement.   The Bible Dictionary further explains, "Without this there can be no progress in the things of the soul's salvation, for all accountable persons are stained by sin and must be cleansed in order to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Repentance is not optional for salvation; it is a commandment of God."

It does take my breath away to watch the World News.   I daily watch the CNN Student News with my students.  Prophecy is literally unfolding before our eyes.  Just remember that the fruits of righteousness include peace of mind.  Just as when we have a fever, it is an indication we need to check in with the doctor and make adjustments.  When we lack peace and hope, and feel despair, it is time to check in with the Master Physician to see what we need to add or take away from our lives so that spiritual balance can be restored.  If we feel that all is well and Zion, it is likely time to take stalk as well.  

These words may seem too simple, but the Lord has promised to those that are heavily burdened:  

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:  and ye wall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. "  Matthew 11:28-30

One quote I love was authored by Bruce R. McConkie, "The very reason for preaching the gospel to the world is so believing souls may escape the sorrows and desolations that lie ahead." (The Millennial Messiah, p. 574.)   Isn't the greatest calamity of all to have procrastinated the day of our repentance until it is everlastingly too late.  "They shall look for me, and, behold, I will come; and they shall see me in the clouds of heaven, clothed with power and great glory; and with all the holy angels; and he that watches not for me shall be cut off."  (D&C 45:44.)  Is it possible to be sealed up against the calamities?  I believe it is.  "Hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads." (Revelation 3.)  One of the simplest means of bringing a great spirit into a family is simply to pray together morning and night and to read a few scriptures together at the day's end.  This simple daily act can increase both our desire and our capacity to be good.   We additionally recommend a daily accounting of the ways in which we think we may have seen the hand of the Lord in our lives that day.   For "faith is kindled by hearing the testimony of those who have faith."  (Bible Dictionary, Faith)   For truly by small and simple things will great things come to pass. 

Vicki Robinson

Am I Crazy or are Youth Sports Getting Out of Hand?

Pros and Cons of Club Sports for Children

We are a soccer family and have been involved in competition soccer for thirty-one years!  Eight of our children have played high school soccer.  Our boys also played for the University of Utah, as did my husband.  One son was the president of the U Men’s Soccer when he was there.   He eventually had to give it up to attend law school at BYU.   Both of our boys are now wonderful fathers, both are attorneys, and both of them were coached by Ramon Cuevas when playing competition soccer. As parents, we just might have a record for the number of youth soccer games attended, but that is because we have children which range in age from 15 to 38.  We've been around for enough years to see how things are changing in youth sports.  

 Alyse #31 with her high school team

We just returned from a visit to Connecticut where two teenage grandsons and our twelve year old granddaughter play competition soccer.  What impressed us was that their league provides a written stated policy that they do not discriminate because of religious beliefs.  What that translated into was that you would not be expected to play on a certain day if that interfered with your religious beliefs or practices.  For example, if your Sabbath Day is Saturday, you could fully participate the other six days a week.  They had a tournament scheduled for the weekend we were there and though the coach would have liked our granddaughter, Haley, to play, my daughter and husband reaffirmed that Haley would not participate on Sunday.  She did not have any reprisal for that decision.  Local Utah teams, to my knowledge, do not have this same stated policy.  Our club, in contrast, states the following for their Premier Teams:  "XXXX Soccer is the top priority, over all other sports and activities.  Attendance is required at all training sessions, games and tournaments.  Playing time is not guaranteed.  Teams may be scheduled to play on Sunday for specific soccer events."   Unfortunately, I found the paper and read it after committing and registering.  The guidelines stated there are other levels of play with fewer requirements, but my daughter wanted to play with these friends who challenge her most.  This is a dilemma and I haven't slept well for a couple of nights after learning all that is now required for her current team.     

LDS Doctrine

We have also made a decision not to play on Sundays based on the doctrine of the LDS church with which we affiliate:    “And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day; For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High; Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times; But remember that on this, the Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord.  And on this day thou shalt do none other thing, only let thy food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting may be perfect, or, in other words, that thy joy may be full.”  (Doctrine and Covenants 59:9-13)   Most children who attend soccer tournaments belong to religious groups that believe in the teaching is found in the bible.   Moses received the Ten Commandments and sabbath day observance is among them.   Sabbath day observance, according to many theologians, is a sign between men and God, that they remember God.  Leviticus 26 delineates the consequences of a nation who forgets God and ceases to keep that day holy.  It is not a pretty prophecy.   I recall the words of a former LDS church president,  Ezra Taft Benson, in which he taught that Israel experienced all of those dire prophecies and if we, who also live in a promised land, break those same laws as a nation, we can expect the same dire consequences.   Isaiah 58 shares incredible blessings that follow when individuals keep the Sabbath Day holy.  So how did we come to be a nation and a state where not observing the Sabbath is the norm rather than the exception? 
 

           

These are five of six girls who played high school soccer and club soccer.
Photo is minus Shanelle who only played high school one year
and then became a varsity cheerleader.

Son, Richard, and husband, Bryan, with two of many grandchildren who currently play soccer.

Things have changed a great deal over the last few years relating to competition soccer and we know these trends are becoming quite pervasive among most clubs who play at this level.  I am guessing the premise behind this new level of intensity is to afford our players exposure to prospective coaches that can recruit them for college play and the skills to impress them.   Being involved in numerous tournaments is now a requirement.   It used to be that our coaches were fathers who donated their time.  Now, we have professional coaching and that is expensive.  Additionally, it is becoming more and more common for those who sponsor these tournaments to dictate which hotels the teams stay at.  We learned recently that coaches are sometimes mandating the girls travel to and from these tournaments as a group, and sleep with teammates, which increases the cost to parents if they wish to attend.   As money was tight for our family through the years, soccer tournaments became our vacations.  This current level of expense, the current trends that focus on expensive tournaments that include mandatory Sunday play, and mandatory accommodations at those tournaments, has taken soccer to a level that makes me feel uncomfortable.   I fear we are no longer the kind of family coaches want participating on their teams. Why did we fit for almost 30 years and not now?

Positive Benefits of Club Participation through the Years

We can honestly say that our children’s participation in club soccer has been a very positive thing in their lives. All of our children were on the premier teams. For years and years those teams and coaches chose not to play on Sundays as per the vote of the families.  We were able to choose our own accommodations or stay with the group at those tournaments.  We didn’t have large expenses for indoor facilities and we actually got to focus entirely on High School play and associated costs in the summer/fall for the girls and in the spring for the boys.

 Our children have made amazing friends and learned commitment and discipline

 as a result of club and high school soccer

 Daughter Audrie, front, with teammates

Our children learned commitment, self-discipline and enjoyed the companionship of great young men and women, and had exemplary coaches, some of who refused to be paid to make competition affordable.  They were all very good soccer players and were still able to maintain high academic marks.  They all went all to college with academic scholarships. 

Current Goals of League Soccer vs. Robinson Goals for Club Soccer

Has club soccer changed from being a family oriented organization to one that subscribes to a business model where success is determined by two standards:  Winning and earning a college scholarship.  These have not been, nor ever will be, our primary reasons for wanting our children to play competition soccer, as fitness, joy in playing the sport, academic success and family values trump these goals.  But these sets of goals do not need to be mutually exclusive.  With small changes, it would still be possible to have an excellent soccer experience, be ready to play high school and college ball, as well as be strong academically and morally.  There is so much more to gain from this sport beyond simply being recruited.  We have the perspective of years beyond soccer play for the majority of our children. 

Grandson Cameron

What does the future hold for my grandchildren as they begin participation in organized sports?

Future Trends of Organized Youth Sports

We are afraid that soon only the affluent and those willing to play on Sunday, with an exclusive goal of college play at all costs, will be involved in competition soccer.  Do soccer leagues really want to discourage individuals from upholding their values and spending time as families during tournaments, or put them in uncomfortable monetary straits?  Is it fair to penalize them for wanting to be true to their values?  We are concerned she will have prejudiced treatment because of our commitment to Sabbath Day observance and our openly communicated concerns.  Are coaches given too much latitude, while discouraging parental input?   We just have a different perspective because we see beyond the immediate to adult life, after high school and college, which comes so quickly. 

As I pondered why I have felt so uncomfortable and stressed the last few days, I had to consider what has been the cause of my greatest stresses throughout the years?  Usually one of three things is the answer:  One, is that I don't understand things correctly.  When I believe something that isn't true or accurate, stress is the result.  Another reason is that I might need to do or say something.  Both of these require some form of repentance.  It has been my experience that my goal can't be to change others or their perception of things.  But, I often feel impressed to share my best thoughts and give others the opportunity to consider them.    I tend to get really sad when I think my happiness is contingent on others changing or when I feel at the mercy of some situation.  The gospel is one of hope, not hopelessness.   Once, I figure out what I need to do or say, usually my peace is restored, regardless of what others do.  So I prayed, did more research, read the teachings of our church's leaders, and read more scriptures.   It wasn't until I read a comment made in response to an article addressing Sabbath play in the NFL, that I found my answer:  A father wrote of the same concerns I stated above.  He began by saying that these issues are quite complicated and these issues relate to how we raise our children.   Then he asked, why is Sunday play such a big issue here in Utah and in surrounding states?  He believed that if you were to poll participating families who play in tournaments on Sunday, most of them would say that they would rather not play on Sunday given their Christian values.  He said the answer is that we are in this situation as parents because we want it both ways.  We want to please God, but we also want the most highly competitive experience possible for our kids.  We feel our children won't progress to their athletic potential as soccer players or have the same opportunities, if we aren't on that Premier team.  He said that those few team members who refuse to play on Sunday, knowing that their league supports Sunday play, are actually fostering Sabbath play as much as every other member of the team.  They still pay for tournament fees which reinforce Sunday play.  They pay fees to their club which encourages or mandates Sunday play.  Finally, they create a situation where some other child breaks the Sabbath Day to replace them in a tournament.  He said the only remedy would be for teams to put pressure on tournament organizers to not play on Sundays by not participating in those tournaments and stating their preferences and that is not likely to happen for the above reasons. 

These comments really opened my eyes and isolated why I was uncomfortable.  If our team's parents were to vote as to whether to participate in these specific tournaments or not, I believe the majority would vote to participate because exposure to college recruiters is deemed essential.   (The decision of which tournaments to play and even how to travel to the tournaments had been made by our coach, that was approved by our league, so they, initially, were the ones I blamed for my discomfort).   If this is the standard and requirement of our competition soccer league for premier play, then we, as a family, shouldn't have committed to be a part of it.  WE need to be willing to give up all the advantages of league play, if Sabbath Day observance means that much to us.  Our league didn't put us in this uncomfortable position, we did.  We wanted to be part of this team and still be wholly faithful to the values we ascribe to and we can't do both under the current league guidelines. 

Throughout religious history, believing individuals must choose between pleasing the world and worldly success and pleasing God.  That always involves some form of sacrifice, but as I said in a previous blog:  Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better.  But that "better" may not be realized or observed until some time in the future.  We are going to remove ourselves from the team, because we don't intend to comply with their requirement of Sunday play, nor can we in good conscience support that being a requirement of participation by our league. That will mean that Alyse will likely lose contact with some of her cherished friends on that team.  We will still be required to pay the fees for club membership as per the contract we signed.  She may not make the athletic advances that she would have had remained with this team.  She will likely not be invited to play on a college team at the end of high school.  But, we will be at peace regarding this issue.  However, there are countless more things for us to repent of, other ways we need to overcome our hypocrisy, and that is the beauty and overriding task of being mortal. 

I fell in love with this soccer player and married him. 

Interesting  Related Articles in the Deseret News: 
 1.   http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631509/Were-doing-youth-soccer-wrong-The-culture-of-winning-hurts-player-development.html?pg=2   

 2.  http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631021/Youth-soccer-guest-commentary-2-Were-doing-it-wrong-Players-arent-born-with-talent.html?pg=3 

 3.  http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631607/Amy-Donaldson-Former-BYU-QB-Jake-Heaps-rise-fall-a-cautionary-tale.html?pg=2