Pros and Cons of Club Sports for Children
We are a soccer family and have been involved in competition
soccer for thirty-one years! Eight of
our children have played high school soccer. Our boys also played for the University of
Utah, as did my husband. One son was the
president of the U Men’s Soccer when he was there. He eventually had to give it up to attend law school at
BYU. Both of our boys are now wonderful fathers,
both are attorneys, and both of them were coached by Ramon Cuevas when playing competition soccer. As parents, we
just might have a record for the number of youth soccer games attended, but that is because we have children which range in age from 15 to 38. We've been around for enough years to see how things are changing in youth sports.
We just returned from a visit to Connecticut where two teenage grandsons and our twelve year old granddaughter play competition soccer. What impressed us was that their league
provides a written stated policy that they do not discriminate because of
religious beliefs. What that translated
into was that you would not be expected to play on a certain day if that
interfered with your religious beliefs or practices. For example, if your Sabbath Day is Saturday,
you could fully participate the other six days a week. They had a tournament scheduled for the
weekend we were there and though the coach would have liked our granddaughter, Haley,
to play, my daughter and husband reaffirmed that Haley would not participate on
Sunday. She did not have any reprisal for that decision. Local Utah teams, to my knowledge, do not have this same stated policy. Our club, in contrast, states the following for their Premier Teams: "XXXX Soccer is the top priority, over all other sports and activities. Attendance is required at all training sessions, games and tournaments. Playing time is not guaranteed. Teams may be scheduled to play on Sunday for specific soccer events." Unfortunately, I found the paper and read it after committing and registering. The guidelines stated there are other levels of play with fewer requirements, but my daughter wanted to play with these friends who challenge her most. This is a dilemma and I haven't slept well for a couple of nights after learning all that is now required for her current team.
LDS Doctrine
We have also made a decision not to play on Sundays based
on the doctrine of the LDS church with which we affiliate: “And
that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt
go the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day; For verily
this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy
devotions unto the Most High; Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in
righteousness on all days and at all times; But remember that on this, the
Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most
High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord. And on this day thou shalt do none other
thing, only let thy food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting
may be perfect, or, in other words, that thy joy may be full.” (Doctrine and Covenants 59:9-13) Most children who attend soccer tournaments belong to religious groups that believe in the teaching is found in the bible. Moses received the Ten Commandments and sabbath day observance is among them. Sabbath day observance, according to many theologians, is a sign between men and God, that they remember God. Leviticus 26 delineates the consequences of a nation who forgets God and ceases to keep that day holy. It is not a pretty prophecy. I recall the words of a former LDS church president, Ezra Taft Benson, in which he taught that Israel experienced all of those dire prophecies and if we, who also live in a promised land, break those same laws as a nation, we can expect the same dire consequences. Isaiah 58 shares incredible blessings that follow when individuals keep the Sabbath Day holy. So how did we come to be a nation and a state where not observing the Sabbath is the norm rather than the exception? 
Things have changed a great deal over the last few years
relating to competition soccer and we know these trends are becoming quite pervasive
among most clubs who play at this level.
I am guessing the premise behind this new level of intensity is to afford our players exposure
to prospective coaches that can recruit them for college play and the
skills to impress them. Being involved in numerous tournaments is now
a requirement. It used to be that our coaches were fathers who donated their time. Now, we have professional coaching and that is expensive. Additionally, it is becoming more and more
common for those who sponsor these tournaments to dictate which hotels the teams
stay at. We learned recently that coaches are sometimes mandating the girls travel to and from these tournaments as a group, and sleep with teammates, which increases the cost to parents if they wish to attend. As money was tight for our family through the years, soccer tournaments became our vacations. This current level of expense, the current
trends that focus on expensive tournaments that include mandatory Sunday play,
and mandatory accommodations at those tournaments, has taken soccer to a level
that makes me feel uncomfortable. I fear we are no longer the kind of family coaches want participating on their teams.
Why did we fit for almost 30 years and not now?
Positive Benefits of
Club Participation through the Years
We can honestly say that our children’s participation in club
soccer has been a very positive thing in their lives. All of our children were
on the premier teams. For years and years those teams and coaches chose not to play
on Sundays as per the vote of the families. We were able to choose our
own accommodations or stay with the group at those tournaments. We didn’t have large expenses for indoor
facilities and we actually got to focus entirely on High School play and
associated costs in the summer/fall for the girls and in the spring for the
boys.
Our children have made amazing friends and learned commitment and discipline
as a result of club and high school soccer
Our children learned commitment, self-discipline and enjoyed
the companionship of great young men and women, and had exemplary coaches, some
of who refused to be paid to make competition affordable. They were all very good soccer players and
were still able to maintain high academic marks. They all went all to college with academic
scholarships.
Current Goals of League Soccer vs. Robinson Goals for
Club Soccer
Has club soccer changed from being a family oriented organization
to one that subscribes to a business model where success is determined by two standards: Winning and earning a college scholarship. These have not been, nor ever will be, our
primary reasons for wanting our children to play competition soccer, as fitness,
joy in playing the sport, academic success and family values trump these
goals. But these sets of goals do not need to be mutually exclusive. With small changes, it would
still be possible to have an excellent soccer experience, be ready to play high
school and college ball, as well as be strong academically and morally. There is so much more to gain from this sport
beyond simply being recruited. We have
the perspective of years beyond soccer play for the majority of our
children. 
Grandson Cameron
We are afraid that soon only the affluent and those willing
to play on Sunday, with an exclusive goal of college play at all costs, will be
involved in competition soccer. Do soccer leagues really want to discourage individuals
from upholding their values and spending time as families during tournaments,
or put them in uncomfortable monetary straits?
Is it fair to penalize them for wanting to be true to their values? We are concerned she will have prejudiced
treatment because of our commitment to Sabbath Day observance and our openly communicated concerns. Are
coaches given too much latitude, while discouraging parental input? We
just have a different perspective because we see beyond the immediate to adult
life, after high school and college, which comes so quickly.
As I pondered why I have felt so uncomfortable and stressed the last few days, I had to consider what has been the cause of my greatest stresses throughout the years? Usually one of three things is the answer: One, is that I don't understand things correctly. When I believe something that isn't true or accurate, stress is the result. Another reason is that I might need to do or say something. Both of these require some form of repentance. It has been my experience that my goal can't be to change others or their perception of things. But, I often feel impressed to share my best thoughts and give others the opportunity to consider them. I tend to get really sad when I think my happiness is contingent on others changing or when I feel at the mercy of some situation. The gospel is one of hope, not hopelessness. Once, I figure out what I need to do or say, usually my peace is restored, regardless of what others do. So I prayed, did more research, read the teachings of our church's leaders, and read more scriptures. It wasn't until I read a comment made in response to an article addressing Sabbath play in the NFL, that I found my answer: A father wrote of the same concerns I stated above. He began by saying that these issues are quite complicated and these issues relate to how we raise our children. Then he asked, why is Sunday play such a big issue here in Utah and in surrounding states? He believed that if you were to poll participating families who play in tournaments on Sunday, most of them would say that they would rather not play on Sunday given their Christian values. He said the answer is that we are in this situation as parents because we want it both ways. We want to please God, but we also want the most highly competitive experience possible for our kids. We feel our children won't progress to their athletic potential as soccer players or have the same opportunities, if we aren't on that Premier team. He said that those few team members who refuse to play on Sunday, knowing that their league supports Sunday play, are actually fostering Sabbath play as much as every other member of the team. They still pay for tournament fees which reinforce Sunday play. They pay fees to their club which encourages or mandates Sunday play. Finally, they create a situation where some other child breaks the Sabbath Day to replace them in a tournament. He said the only remedy would be for teams to put pressure on tournament organizers to not play on Sundays by not participating in those tournaments and stating their preferences and that is not likely to happen for the above reasons.
These comments really opened my eyes and isolated why I was uncomfortable. If our team's parents were to vote as to whether to participate in these specific tournaments or not, I believe the majority would vote to participate because exposure to college recruiters is deemed essential. (The decision of which tournaments to play and even how to travel to the tournaments had been made by our coach, that was approved by our league, so they, initially, were the ones I blamed for my discomfort). If this is the standard and requirement of our competition soccer league for premier play, then we, as a family, shouldn't have committed to be a part of it. WE need to be willing to give up all the advantages of league play, if Sabbath Day observance means that much to us. Our league didn't put us in this uncomfortable position, we did. We wanted to be part of this team and still be wholly faithful to the values we ascribe to and we can't do both under the current league guidelines.
Throughout religious history, believing individuals must choose between pleasing the world and worldly success and pleasing God. That always involves some form of sacrifice, but as I said in a previous blog: Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better. But that "better" may not be realized or observed until some time in the future. We are going to remove ourselves from the team, because we don't intend to comply with their requirement of Sunday play, nor can we in good conscience support that being a requirement of participation by our league. That will mean that Alyse will likely lose contact with some of her cherished friends on that team. We will still be required to pay the fees for club membership as per the contract we signed. She may not make the athletic advances that she would have had remained with this team. She will likely not be invited to play on a college team at the end of high school. But, we will be at peace regarding this issue. However, there are countless more things for us to repent of, other ways we need to overcome our hypocrisy, and that is the beauty and overriding task of being mortal.
Interesting Related Articles in the Deseret News:
1. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631509/Were-doing-youth-soccer-wrong-The-culture-of-winning-hurts-player-development.html?pg=2
2. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631021/Youth-soccer-guest-commentary-2-Were-doing-it-wrong-Players-arent-born-with-talent.html?pg=3
3. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631607/Amy-Donaldson-Former-BYU-QB-Jake-Heaps-rise-fall-a-cautionary-tale.html?pg=2
1. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631509/Were-doing-youth-soccer-wrong-The-culture-of-winning-hurts-player-development.html?pg=2
2. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631021/Youth-soccer-guest-commentary-2-Were-doing-it-wrong-Players-arent-born-with-talent.html?pg=3
3. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865631607/Amy-Donaldson-Former-BYU-QB-Jake-Heaps-rise-fall-a-cautionary-tale.html?pg=2
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