Is Nice Enough? Thoughts on Mother's Day Observances

Mother’s Day has always been a difficult one for me and this year was no exception.   It was always a day that I appreciated and recognized my mother as the perfect mother for me.  As usual there are no observable reasons for my annual roller coaster ride on that day.  My children spoil me with tributes and presents.  My husband celebrates me beyond what I deserve.  My children are wonderful individuals and my grandchildren plentiful, bright and amazing.  I have everything that I need to be content and yet, on that day, I am not content.

Our family ten years ago

Some of our mothers and future mothers today.

My two youngest daughters with my oldest grandchild

My sweet husband of 40 years

I think the question and discomfort always centers on whether I feel I am doing what I need to in respect to mothering.  Being LDS, we have specific doctrine that identifies the importance of this calling for women.  It is a foundational belief that I do not doubt.  I recalled having the importance of this principle reaffirmed to me back in the 80's.  I'd had a dream that let me know in no uncertain terms that I was to continue to make this calling a priority.  When then President of the LDS Church, Ezra Taft Benson, reaffirmed the importance of this doctrine, it was further confirmation of what I already knew.  emp.byui.edu/WILLIAMSG/Talks/etb_tothemothers.htm  Though I was committed to helping children at risk prior to marriage, was Phi Beta Kappa, and had both a teaching degree and a social service worker's license, I knew my greatest contribution to society would be in putting the majority of my energies into rearing children in the home.   I had even begun part time graduate studies at that time just two nights a week, but when it came time to take them to Day Care for two full days, so I could complete the practicum portion, everything in my being told me this was not the season in my life to do that.  During my prayers, a succinct thought came to my mind with clarity.  "Right now I could use you more without a master's degree than with one."   I ended my graduate studies. By far, rearing children full time was the best use of my time and energies through the years.  

So back to the question at hand, am I being the kind of mother that I need to be.  Am I promoting this doctrine and sound doctrine to others to the degree I need to.  I have found that I don't embody the traditional image that most Latter-day Saints hold up as a perfect Mormon Mother.  I never fully conform with the ideal promoted by most Mother's Day talks given over the pulpit on that day.    For that reason, Mother's Day always requires significant self-introspection.    Am I pleasing my Father in Heaven, in the use of my time and energies?  Am I near where I should be?  If I am not, can I return?  What is the price?  Am I willing to pay it?"

This year, I pondered those questions for over a week and even asked my married children to spend Mother's Day with their own families or their in-laws on Sunday because I still hadn't answered those questions sufficiently.  They ignored my requests, gathered and honored me and the mothers in our family anyway.  The cause of my sadness was that I worried that I had ruffled too many feathers, offended too often and too easily by sharing my thoughts too often.   I wished that I been more consecrated, more careful, made fewer mistakes.  I was not the woman, I believe I could have been, should have been. 

Mother’s Day has come and gone and I have my equilibrium back.  I pondered my favorite Mother’s Day talk which was given by my daughter Shanelle, years ago.  She said, “Because my mother was imperfect, and was open about that fact, she taught me that she needed a Savior.  That made it okay for me to need him too.”  I considered all the Mother’s Day talks I heard at church last Sunday.  Many promoted a good mother is one who sacrifices, who serves untiringly and loves unconditionally.  But, is that enough?  Is being nice enough?  I believe, it is not enough.  It is to do what is needed to establish a personal connection to heaven to the point that we can take the spirit for our guide.  It is to realize that we will see through a glass darkly as the Apostle Paul explains and we will go forward making the best decisions we can based on those feelings and that which is promoted by prophets.  It is to have the courage not to meet every request made of us, but rather to focus on that which is crucial to the development of our faith and that of our family’s.   It is a willingness to say that which is not popular, a willingness to offend for His sake.  But, to say those things in meekness and with love unfeigned.  It is to allow agency to those around us to worship who and in what manner they choose, but not compromise our values in the process.  It is a delicate balance only achieved as we avail ourselves of the influence of the Holy Ghost.  It is a willingness to have difficult, but respectful discussions.   It is to check in with the Lord each morning for help and guidance and to return, report and repent each evening. 

I realized that my days of  “mothering” will never be complete, though I am now the mother of adult children as my youngest will turn 18 soon.  My foremost desire is that being a mother will be my eternal job description.
I feel there are many ways to support and promote the importance of motherhood by both men and women, even women who have never married, are divorced or have not had the opportunity to bear children.   I didn't know that I would feel impressed to return graduate school 30 years later and I hope to use what I have learned to strengthen families.   In going back to school,  I didn’t realize how unpopular a conservative posture would be in most academic circles  these days.   This video made me laugh as a result of my recent educational experience:  https://youtu.be/iKcWu0tsiZM  The thing I have learned is that if our children are not well grounded in faith before they leave their homes, they will not be equal to the challenges their testimonies will face as they further their educations.

Someday, I hope to be welcomed home to the plaudit: "Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee  ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord", (Matthew 25:21). 

Surely the most important of these things is the bearing and rearing of children. 

The following questions may reveal why the gospel fails to sometimes bring us the peace and progress we hope for:

• For those who are mothers, do we judge our worthiness as a mother by the strength of your children's testimonies and consistency of their good behavior?
• As a woman, do we measure our worth solely by the feedback we receive from others as to the worthiness of our offerings?
• Have we given up on others' capacities to make needed changes?  Do we believe we have the capacity to make needed changes?
• Do we feel our happiness is limited by the choices that others around us are currently making? 

I believe that answering affirmatively to the any of the above questions indicates we have not wholly understood the  potential of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30). 

I bear witness that involving the Lord more in the details of our life will ease our burdens and increase our joy in being a woman and in all other aspects of our lives. 

 

What I Want My Children to Know

Reflections after my first year of graduate school.  What I want my children to know:

It has been a momentous year for me and such a privilege to sneak in a graduate degree in my old age.  I have loved learning more about social work, social advocacy and myself.  I also had some interesting things thrown in the mix that I didn’t anticipate.  I was able to defend the rights of those who have religious and moral views.  They were  virtually the only ones who weren’t being treated with respect in the academic community, for they are considered responsible for most of the oppression in the world.  I would never have known how strong the adversary’s hold is on the hearts of the children of men without this experience.  I have never seen the words of the scriptures and the words of the prophets so utterly fulfilled wherein evil was called good and good evil.  Yet, I could see the view from those who experience oppression more clearly, as well as the importance of agency.  If we remain on the sidelines and fail to promote God and His ways, we are not going to prove valiant in the testimony of Christ.  There is no way to do that effectively and have our efforts consecrated to our gain without a connection to heaven, or from a position of pride.  There is no way to have a connection to heaven unless we are living our lives in a way that the spirit is operable in our lives.  I know the capacity of the righteous to afflict.  If I were to say which experiences in my life were the most difficult to bear, I would say they involved “righteous” individuals. 

One of the things we talk about frequently in graduate school are the fruits of faulty thinking.  For Christian individuals, the desire to be a good Christian is often uppermost in our minds.  We see growing evil and we don’t want to be swept away.  We are aware that this is a time of winnowing and a day of choosing, just as it was in the meridian of time.  As I get older, there are some observations I have made as to what might be stumbling blocks to progress among those who desire to prove faithful.  There is often a difference between culture and doctrine; there is often truth mixed with the philosophies of men.  They include what I like to call incomplete recipes, which can become our default mode and often negate the need for greater reliance upon the spirit.  It is often the subtle things that get in the way of the peace that is promised to the faithful. 

My daughters who are also attending school at this time.

A few of those stumbling blocks that preclude peace and spiritual progress:

1.       Believing that the most prudent thing to do is always the worthiest thing to do.  Prudence is not a complete recipe for faithfulness.  We often think in terms of the greater the sacrifice, the greater the ultimate reward.  We need to remember that prudence isn’t always referred to in a positive way in the scriptures.  We would never have had children or had the courage to move into our various homes, if we waited until we could afford them.  Yet, the spirit was strong in telling us where and when to move and when to bear.  I see a recurring theme in the scriptures, often the righteous had a choice between prudence and the exercise of their faith. 
2.       Seeking to avoid offending others at all costs.  If we see a bully, we need to speak up.  We need to not turn a blind eye, when someone is doing something illegal or immoral.  To say or do nothing, is to offend God.  Those unwilling to offend, cannot please God.  The trick is to avoid offending needlessly or being blind to our own weakness or selfishness.  Again, the spirit can help us know when and what to say and how to say it.
3.       Desiring to provide a “Disneyland” childhood for our children.  One thing I have observed is that children enjoy doing service.  I have never seen a happier child than my grandson Henry when he is helping me wash windows or Andrew when he is washing the car with me.  Of course, those things involve water and a trigger.   Cell phones are not entitlements, they are privileges.  Too many families are over scheduled in the pursuit of fun, for the benefit of their children.  However, they can end up producing entitled, self-centered children, the very opposite of their intention.  I am seeing this across the board in families in general.  I feel it was almost a blessing, we didn’t have lots of money to go to exotic places and have lots of expensive toys.  Less is often more.
4.      Putting other things ahead of family.  Many serve the community at large at the expense of their families.  This list is literally endless as to the things that compete with things that matter most.   There needs to an order of priority to our service and the spirit will help us in that order.   There is even an order as to family obligations.  For example, Bryan and I have a greater obligation for children at home than for those who are married.   I was often torn between serving my children and my widowed mother.  With prayer, I found that I could serve my mother with my children in tow.  Many find it easier to love and serve a stranger than a difficult family member. 
5.      Avoiding difficult or substantive conversations.   I am a broken record  as to this subject.  If there is one thing I would change, even in my family where we gather frequently, it would be to have even more frequent and meaningful conversations.  Meaningful conversations require we do some homework on our own and they require a time and place to have those conversations.  My oldest daughter Jeanette and I have seen the powerful effects of that premise of gathering and sharing while attending college this year.  You study and then gather to share.  There must be a “buy in”, however.  To get the grade, we must participate.  In this process, we see and learn things we are unable to learn alone.  I believe it is the very foundation of Zion.  It is something that should be primarily taking place between couples and children living at home.  But, I hope you will consider it with both sides of your extended families of origin.   I had a class assignment that almost killed me this semester.  It was a “group project”.  I had a few migraines because of it.  One man didn’t do his part, so we did it for him and then he came through at the last minute which necessitated a total revision of the entire paper.  I don’t know the result of our grade yet, but I do know that I learned more from that project that any other assignment this entire year.  I had things to share they needed and they brought skills, knowledge and perspectives that I couldn’t have arrived at on my own.  Even the "slacker" made an incredible contribution and changed the tide of the research project.  It is never too late to join in.  There is no one so bright, so righteous, that they don’t need others in their family to help smooth off the rough edges.  Families are under attack, yet family is the very vehicle that can help refine and prepare us most for eternity.   I sincerely believe that each member of a family is there for a reason, both for what that individual can receive and what they can give.  We often learn the most from the very ones who provide us the most stretching. 

Love, Mom

What are your most important identies?

My daughters and I watched the LDS Women's Conference last night.  Addie joined us for the first time as she is 8 years old today. 

This past week for my graduate social work reflexive class, I was asked to ponder my three most important identities that I think about most.  As I considered this assignment, I choose the following in order of importance.  The first was that I identify myself as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The second was my identity as a woman.  The third was that of being an older adult.  Then we were to discuss how these three identities intersect with one another.  I wrote the following about that intersection: 

“These three identities consistently intersect in my life and “function simultaneously”, (Riggs, 2013, p. 229).   My religious socialization led me to want to be the healthiest I could be physically, socially, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.   It included become educated, knowledgeable of governments, language and even manners.    My religious beliefs defined what it meant to be a woman and ordered my priorities of first loving God, putting family next and then striving to become a good neighbor and citizen.  It helped define my focus as an older person who, sooner than later, will meet my maker and be judged as one who was either valiant in the testimony of Jesus Christ or not.  I believe that living a righteous, holy life will make one worthy of an ultimate belonging to and place in God’s family in the world to come.  I have read and written much about the establishment of Zion.  To be worthy of a Zion society, one must be pure in heart and willing to prove that that he or she will love and serve the Lord at every hazard and serve their fellow man.  The main premise of Zion is that there should be no rich or poor among them, thus you can’t promote Zion without promoting equality.  That goal, to me, can partially be accomplished by seeking the betterment of all mankind in the social work profession.”

Next, we were to explain each identity in terms of whether these were oppressed identities or not.  You have to consider that every reference to the word, “patriarchy” is considered consistent with extreme oppression in social justice courses.    My answer:

The advantages of memberships in these groups, I feel, have outweighed any disadvantages to me.  I enjoy being older.  My being true to LDS religious beliefs helped me to honor my commitments to my marriage vows and I feel this positively impacted the emotional security of my children.  Being true to LDS health standards, I believed increased both my physical and emotional capacities in positive ways.  I am free of any addictions to substances, gambling or pornography.   Because of a focus on service, I sought to improve others’ circumstances.  One primary interest was in helping children at risk beginning in my twenties before marriage and again in my mid-fifties.   I feel strongly it is possible to be a good social worker and have strong religious convictions.   One of the dogmas I believe in, is that everyone should be free to live according to the “dictates of their own conscience”, (Smith, Joseph, 1838, The Articles of Faith 11).   I have always had challenges to my beliefs and limited persecution.  On two occasions, I was an object of discrimination in the work place because I was both older and female.

That response so inadequately portrays my incredible gratitude for the freedoms that are mine because I know that as a woman, my most important contributions to society center on fulfilling my roles as wife and mother.  Though we were limited to one income for thirty years, and at times could only afford to frost one in three homemade cakes, it was well worth any sacrifice we made.  We didn’t have money for the latest and greatest gaming.  We only made it to Disneyland a few times.  But, to have gathered up my little ones and taken them to Day Care would have ripped out my heart.  To have additional priesthood responsibilities would have been oppressive.  I had plenty to do and I didn’t feel at all lacking for something in my life to feel fulfilled.  What I was doing required my best thoughts, my finest efforts and study, and my most sincere prayers.  When it is necessary to be a working mother, due to unusual circumstances, God has a way of making that up to both you and your children. But, I felt that no talent or potential good I could have been in society or positive attention I thought I might bring to the Church or mankind in general, was more important than this.   I didn’t come to earth to say or do things that would make people like me.  I came to earth to bear witness of those things that I believe will bring happiness and peace in this life and Eternal Life in the world to come.  I love being a woman, I subscribe to the doctrine and teachings of the LDS faith and I am hoping, in this season of my life, to learn and do those things that will better prepare me to meet God.

With love, Vicki Robinson

Oppression vs. Freedom

Things have changed since we first went to college in the 70's

I have appreciated the readings I've been assigned in my graduate social work classes about the history of oppression in America.  It has taken generations for Americans to see how “justice for all” applies to all races, national origins, religious affiliations, genders and sexual orientations.  At least I thought we were making consistent progress toward that end as a nation, until recently.   What sometimes saddens me is that the oppressed sometimes look for and find someone else to oppress.  Every few years my husband buys baby chicks as we raise our own eggs.  I hate the pecking order.  One poor chicken is always the low "chick" on the totem pole. 

I feel there is always a place for character and respect, for decorum and sensitivity.  Our classroom climate feels  etter to me the last few weeks, since my professor decided to ask class members to subdue their language in class at my suggestion.  This class in particular had reached a level of casualness and frequent use of profanity that I felt was interfering with, not enhancing the learning process.  I had previously shared with him that I was uncomfortable with how frequently the F-word was used in our weekly class.  We still have a few, interestingly mostly women, who continue to use the word at least once each time we meet.  My question is whether or not there are circumstances, where they refrain from using it and what would those circumstances be.  It turns out, after doing some research, that their right to use whatever language they choose does transcend my right, and others like me, to be in a learning atmosphere that we feel is appropriate for a university classroom.  To secure good grades and an MSW degree, must we attend a class where daily hearing profanity can be part of the deal and what are our options?

. 

Audrie, left, will soon be applying to Graduate School

Alyse, out youngest daughter, will be applying for college next year.

Jonathan, our grandson, will attend  after he returns from his LDS mission in Madagasgar.

Would I recommend a "green light" institution?

I know we as university students have a code of conduct we are to abide by and I wondered if profanity was addressed in that code and did that standard differ from university to university.  This topic has been an interesting one to research.  I learned that use of profanity wasn't addressed in my school's code.  I wondered whether it is addressed at other schools.  As I googled the topic, use of profanity in colleges and universities, I happened upon the following link that explains whether your college is a green, yellow or red light school, as pertaining to free speech:  https://www.thefire.org/spotlight-on-speech-codes-2017/  I learned that my school was considered a green light school. 

It has been interesting to feel among a cultural minority because of my conservative views about language and at the mercy of the majority and existing laws and standards.  I suddenly thought of an experience I had 40 years ago, while working at DCFS.   It was an option that a supervisor came up with.  I had never complained or said anything to him about my values.  He just knew.  We would have weekly staff meetings and after all essential items on the agenda were covered, he would invite me to leave if I would like.   He said, we are now going to exchange some information that you might find offensive.  (They sometimes liked to share off color jokes.) I simply thanked him and gratefully went to my desk.

I have included some of the things I found during my research:

Martin v. Parrish, 805 F.2d 583 (5th Cir. 1986)

The court upheld the dismissal of an economics instructor, holding that his use of profane language in a college classroom did not fall within the scope of First Amendment protection because it did not constitute speech on matters of public concern, and the language in question "was not germane to the subject matter in his class and had no educational function." In addition, the language was not protected because "it was a deliberate, superfluous attack on a 'captive audience' with no academic purpose or justification."

I also learned that the University of Southern Mississippi specifically addresses language as part of their school's code of conduct.  They are designated a yellow light school since adding a free speech and assembly policy in 2016.
https://www.usm.edu/about 

THE CREED AT SOUTHERN MISS

I belong to a community of scholars at The University of Southern Mississippi.

I will demonstrate integrity and determination in all academic pursuits.

I will appreciate the value of differences among people, customs and viewpoints and oppose hatred, bigotry and bias toward others.

I will exhibit behavior and choose language that demonstrates respect for fellow members of the Southern Miss community.

I will respect others by honoring their rights, privacy and belongings.

I will value human dignity in my academic, social and employment settings.

I commit to exhibiting civil behavior, demonstrating responsible citizenry, and doing my part to achieve a positive and secure living and learning environment for all.

This school however, just recently added the following: 

 Free Speech and Assembly Policy

 Free Speech and Assembly Policy, July 2016

A. The University has established high visibility areas on campus in order to facilitate robust debate and the free exchange of ideas. These “free speech zones” may be used by any person, including non-students and other campus guests:

a. Weathersby Lawn

b. Union Plaza 14

c. Shoemaker Square

d. Kennard-Washington Lawn

e. Centennial Lawn

B. These may be used without permission from the University so long as the area has not been previously reserved or scheduled for a particular function, no sound amplification is used, no structure is erected, and the participants do not violate other University policies. For a person using these free speech zones to obtain prior permission, they should visit the Dean of Students’ office 48 hours in advance in order to make adequate arrangements for safety and security and to insure the space desired is available. Any speaker may be denied or asked to leave if the proposed speech would constitute an immediate and serious danger to the institution's orderly operation by the speaker's incitement of such actions by:

1. The willful damage or destruction or seizure and subversion of the institution's buildings or other property;

2. The forcible disruption or impairment or interference with the institution's regularly scheduled classes or other educational functions;

3. The physical harm, coercion, intimidation or other invasion of lawful rights of the institution's officials, faculty members or students;

4. Other campus disorder of a violent nature. Nothing in this section shall be interpreted as limiting the right of student expression elsewhere on the campus so long as the expressive activities or related student conduct does not violate any other applicable University policies.

https://youtu.be/fjKjU5UHMb0  Here is a video that includes their creed and reasons for language standards.  I loved the standards they encourage. 

I recall sharing in class that I didn’t think the use of explicit language to this degree would be found at other local MSW programs such as those offered at other local niversities.  It turns out I was right.  The Fire Organization website puts “Going Green” in a whole new context.  I learned that my university is among a minority of Universities throughout the United States that have earned a “Green Light” designation.  The Fire Organization calls this progress.  It is quite literally to have few, if any, bars on the tongue no matter how distressing it might be to the individuals present.  They go into detail about free speech zones and their current efforts to make all universities “Green”. 

How can we effectively fight oppression and privilege?

I am a student in a masters of social work program.  I am clearly the oldest student in our cohort.  I received my bachelor's degree way back in the 70's during the time when the "New Morality" was at its heyday.   I have almost completed my first year.

Walking the halls of my graduate school

We are studying oppression, racism and privilege.  It is sobering.  I am also saddened by how oppressed groups are currently being treated in America.  I wrote the following post to my teacher.  We have to respond to what we are learning and how it applies to us. 

I have enjoyed the readings and the discussions in class about oppression, racism and privilege.  I especially liked a student's comment about the black man’s experience of looking down at his newborn and knowing for the first time he was being looked at without being seen as a black man, just a man.  So much of how we see the world is socially constructed.  Being a sociology major, over forty years ago, helps me look through different, but still yet incomplete, lenses ever since.   One of my favorite readings was about the woman who was Latina, but didn’t have the same experience of other Latinas because she was white.    How can we improve upon the accepted solution, as seen by most, written by Peggy McIntosh that our work simply consists of interventions that “will allow ‘them’ to be more like ‘us’?”   I don’t know what the “silver bullet” is, but my faith tells me that if I am humble, God will help me know what my part is, what I can do to help.   The answer, however, is not to behave oppressively toward the privileged, but we must fight oppression.  The “What’s in it for Us” article reminds me of a poem I wrote entitled “What’s in it for me?”, decades ago.  The last stanzas are as follows:

What’s in it for me, what’s in it for me”?

Love, joy and peace through giving and growing

and enduring it well;

Through patience and faith in His presence

we’ll dwell.

Why can’t they see, surely, they must,

that they have been given a high sacred trust

to tend this earth, to care, to grow,

to realize they’ll reap just as they sow.

One day we’ll hear them weep, wail and cry:

“That’s what was in it for me, O Lord, O Lord,

“Why couldn’t I see!

“Why didn’t you tell me?

“Why didn’t you scold?”

“I did, I did!  But your hearts were so cold!

Your eyes were open but you just wouldn’t see

that what you have done unto others,’

Ye have done unto Me.

I think that Melba Pattillo Beals’ book, “Warriors Don’t Cry”, should be required reading.  I have never read anything that better helped me understand what blacks in America have gone through, and yet go through, than this book.  Additionally, I have never read anything that so perfectly demonstrates how to fight oppression.   It was a combination of assertiveness, determination and dignity, made possible as they relied upon a higher power for their marching orders.   Vicki Robinson

That was my post.   Sidenote:   I had addressed my desire to clean up language in our classroom, a few weeks prior.  Definitely not a popular move on my part.  But the teacher responded by asking the class to refrain from using a particular word, you know the one that is still considered to be the most vulgar in the English language, but is increasingly becoming the universal modifier for every emotion ranging from joy and wonder to disdain and disgust. 

But far worse than language is the belief that some people are unworthy of regard.   It produces behavior unbecoming of a Saint.  

Mothering, Not Just a Passing Fancy

Shanelle and Craig playing Mary and Joseph

We have a family Christmas tradition that I love.  While we always have the children act out the manger scene at Christmas.  We also get to visit with the "adult" members of that original cast and get to know them better.  We take time to consider what they must have done to prepare themselves to receive the Savior.  For example, it is unthinkable to me that Mary was wholly unfamiliar with spiritual experience until that moment she was greeted by the angel Gabriel.  If you consider the words in Luke, she was not surprised at seeing an angel, but rather what manner of salutation he gave her.  And I believe that Joseph, who after learning that his beloved fiancé was with child, would not have been able to rely upon the content of a dream to marry her and support her for the rest of her mortal life, if he didn't already possess the ability to discern between a meaningful dream and one that was not.  I also think the story of Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist and Zacharias, his father, teaches us much.  Nothing in society confirmed a woman's worthiness in that society than her ability to bear children and nothing brought them greater sadness than to be barren.  It was no accident that this was the test of so many great women of the bible and is likewise a test for women today.  Elisabeth's story also confirms the importance of women gathering with women of like faith.

Missy and Brett playing Elisabeth and Zac

Consider, Hannah, the mother of Samuel, Sarah, the mother of Isaac, and Rachel, the mother of Joseph.  Often the Lord would seal up the womb of a woman to open it in a miraculous manner.  The Wise Men, when interviewed, shared how they were considered among the elite of society and yet, nothing was more important to them than meeting their Lord and Savior.  The Shepherds, considered the very bottom of society, did not let their low station prevent them from broadcasting the news of the birth of the Savior.  

After meeting our biblical guests, we discuss as a family the question of what are we doing to be prepared for His coming?   The biggest take away from our portrayal of the Savior's birth is always the words expressed by Mary as recorded in Luke 1:37, "And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."  LDS doctrine promotes that all individuals have a mission in mortality that is specific to them.  I love the way that Neal A Maxwell, explained it:  "It does no violence to our frail human logic to observe that there cannot be a grand plan of salvation for all mankind, unless there is also one for each individual, (A More Determined Discipleship, February Ensign 1979)." 

While, we each have a mission to fulfill, we also believe that part of that mission as a people, is to individually promote the importance of child bearing and rearing.  I had one of those days earlier this week where I wondered if I had done any good in the world.  I considered my efforts to share my thoughts in written form such as in this blog and in books I have coauthored, or about my efforts to share my thoughts about the role of women verbally, as a guest speaker or church instructor throughout the years, and finally, about my efforts to strengthen families professionally in working with children and families at risk since 2007.  I had no tangible evidence that I have made any difference at all in the lives of those whom I have tried to positively influence.  But, what I realized this morning was that the best decision I ever made was to involve the Lord in my decision of who to marry.  Subsequent vitally important decisions made together as husband and wife included when and how many children we would have and the decision to read to them daily from the scriptures.  Our hope was that we would introduce them to the One, who had all the answers to the questions they would have.  In 1977, eleven months after we married, we had our first child and I quit working.  In 1999, we had our last child.  The surprise wasn't that we were suddenly pregnant in our later forties, but that we had multiple witnesses that we were to bear once again. 

Alyse, our youngest daughter, born when I was 46 and my husband, 49

So my advice?  Involve the Lord in your decisions regarding the bearing and rearing of children.  I see a trend within the world today of marrying older, waiting to bear children and having fewer children.  This is the case even among Latter-day Saint women.  My question is, what has more power to positively influence the world in which we live?   Is it to go out and do something amazing or is it to rear and teach children that can influence the world for generations to come?

I have seen many who women who want more.  In my graduate class this week, I heard a woman say exactly that.  "I didn't want to just be a wife and a mother, I wanted more."   While women have always been encouraged to be among those who serve and serve diligently, the question is not whether to serve, but how and in what manner.  That picture often changes depending upon our age and circumstance.  My mother-in-law served so many within her area and community, but she was quick to add that when you are in the hot and heavy of child rearing, you are not expected to neglect your children or families to serve others in large and time consuming ways.  I have seen many young mothers engage in sports and home businesses that do compete with their thoughts, focus and energies.  I have seen while investigating child abuse that supervision is key for children of any age.  President Kimball's counsel to be at the crossroads, is still excellent advice.  Other women are sometimes enticed by health pursuits, fitness regimens, energy healings, use of "mediums", and other practices that eventually require large amounts of time and often money to sustain, that often take them out of the home in order to be "successful" and get others likewise involved.  Some of those mediums can include therapists, in all their varieties, or a physician who can offer tranquility in a pill.  There is a place for some regimens, interventions and fields of practice and many have been inspired to find relief in a variety of places, but at other times we find ourselves described by Paul in 1st Timothy, chapter 4:  "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; . . . Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth, . . .But refuse profane and old wives' fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness.  For bodily exercise profiteth little; but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come."

How do we know if we are making spiritual progress or not, whether you have gone beyond the mark or not in some things?  Consider the advice of Alma to his son:  "And now, my son, I would that ye should understand that these things are not without a "shadow; for as our fathers were slothful to give heed to this compass (now these things were temporal) they did not prosper; even so it is with things which are spiritual.  For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss, as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass, which would point unto them a straight course to the promised land.  And now I say, is there not a type in this thing?  For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise," (Alma 37:43-45).

I may appear as a pot calling the kettle black.  Especially as I have worked outside of the home for almost 10 years now, and am now attending a graduate school of social work.  I even exercise for 15 minutes a day.  But, the best decision, I ever made was to spend 30 years outside of the workforce, in the home with my children.  I feel I have been blessed to be able to do things now that I thought I was forever giving up at the time.  The miracle is that you aren't ever penalized for putting first things first and that will be determined between you and the Lord.  I am still learning that all important lesson and need daily reminders.  Too often I engage in my own agenda and not His.  I was greatly influenced by the words of President Benson in his address:  To the Mothers in Zion, delivered on February 22, 1987. http://emp.byui.edu/SATTERFIELDB/PDF/ToMothersofZion.pdf   For the most part, he quoted prophets who preceded him.  We live in an age when we sometimes think any sacrifice or any good work will do.  But that philosophy is negated by the first family on earth.  Their sacrifices were to be of a specific nature.  I believe it is the same for us today.