Sacrifice: Giving up Something for Something Better

One of the things that make Mormon couples unique is that they have the privilege of sending children, who are willing and desirous, away from home to serve an ecclesiastical mission.   Young Men serve for 2 years and Young Women, 18 months.   Our daughter Audrie is serving in the Rosario Argentina Mission.  She had just completed two semesters of college before she left.  To that point she hadn’t even lived away from home.   Parents, and often the children themselves, have tried to save money for this event.  It is to take individuals in the last years of their adolescence and early twenties, when self-absorption could be at its peak, and give them an opportunity to learn to serve others and teach them what they believe to be true.    How do we muster the courage and faith to send them?  Where do they get their courage to go?  We can write them weekly, but we only get to hear their voices twice a year, on Christmas and Mother’s Day. 

 

Corinne came home after completing her mission, then we learned

 Audrie wanted to serve a mission as well.

Not too long after graduation from high school, young men and women consider serving a mission.

There are fun times with fellow missionaries!

Richard returning and being greeted by grandparents.

Determined sister missionaries are willing to overcome shyness.

This brings me to what I think is the meaning of the word sacrifice.  I love my husband’s definition:  “It is to give up something for something better.”  Not always is a mission experience perfect.  All missions are difficult at best.  Some feel pressure to go before they were ready.  Others go for the wrong reasons.  But I have never seen a course of activity that has yielded such incredibly positive fruits.  It may seem to some an incredible sacrifice to postpone education, remain morally clean and avoid the use of drugs and alcohol during what many assume should be a more carefree time in their lives.   But those who think in those terms would be surprised to learn how satisfying personal growth and overcoming the “natural man” really is and how serving a mission can better prepare them for their college experience, marriage and family. 

 

Missionaries find this a unique time when they don’t have to worry about monetary pursuits, school, a spouse or children.  It is a time to immerse themselves in the teachings of Christ and invite others to consider their value.  It is an opportunity to change lives, mostly their own.  It isn't only the children who face a mission with courage, amid some fears, there are parents who are mustering faith in their testimonies that this an expedient and ordained calling.    As Christians, we often think of the great sacrifice of our Savior, how he suffered and died for us, that we might have an abundant life both now and in eternity.  We often forget, however, the offering of the Father in those divine events that comprise the atonement.  It was a supreme gift from our Heavenly Father.   As we send these children off into the world, we get insights into the love of that Father for his children.   It is a wonderful opportunity for a family to unite in an offering that is simply giving up something for something better.   

LDS position on gay, religious rights may influence state legislatures around the U.S. | Deseret News

LDS position on gay, religious rights may influence state legislatures around the U.S. | Deseret News

Many may consider that this approach is something new.  It is wholly consistent with LDS Doctrine and the Articles of Faith that they embrace.  The problem is that LDS detractors will never be content until the LDS deny their belief in the Bible and its doctrine that legal marriage between a man and woman is the only circumstance where sexual relations should occur.  The premise of the LDS and the Bible is that the purpose of life is to subdue all inclinations to do otherwise, through the power of Christ.   

One can extend to others the freedom to worship as they please and treat them with civility and avoid discriminatory practices.  But liberals both within and outside of the Church of Jesus Christ feel it is bigotry to promote moral values.  Just a few weeks ago I learned that judges in California, and in some other states, cannot belong to the Boy Scouts of America and continue to serve in their positions.    To promote sexual purity is not bigotry, it is a right guaranteed by the framers of the Constitution.    Neither is it bigotry to affiliate with others of like faith.  Christians are commanded to promote Christian values or they are told they deny their faith.   Those who promote that Christ was tolerant of or indifferent to moral sin haven’t really read the New Testament.     However, he embraced all repentant sinners.   I loved the story of the woman at the well as an example in John 4.  Christ clearly demonstrates that this woman had a chance for exaltation if she would repent, though she had had five husbands and was currently living with a man without the benefit of marriage.  She repented and was instrumental in converting almost an entire community.     The question for all to address is whether or not one believes the Bible to be the word of God.  A good place to begin to address that question is to read the scriptures that pertain to sexual purity in both the Old and New Testaments.   Then prayerful ask God, what is true.   

 

Marriage is ordained between a man and a woman.

Sexual relations are to take place between a man and woman who are married.

Daughter Shanelle, with husband Craig.

Children are to be born into families where there is a married man and woman.

Daughter Kristin with husband Joseph and son, Clark.

I would venture to guess that many who bash gays include several who engage in premarital sex, are unfaithful to their spouses, prematurely get divorced and engage in a multitude of things that are not holy within and without the walls of their own homes and enjoy a wide variety of addictive behaviors themselves, making Christ's teaching to "cast the first stone" appropriately and currently applicable.   But, I am somewhat concerned by a question asked by Mormon parents of LGBT children, "Do you really want our LGBT children to live celibate lives?"   Well, the answer I would give is, "Yes".    The Bible reinforces that having strong sexual urges doesn’t make it right to engage in any immoral acts.  Saying that Christ cannot heal us and change our natures is to deny the atonement.   We expect widowed, single and divorced individuals to be celibate as well.

Personally, I am simply grateful for one more day to seek repentance and overcome my own natural and imperfect tendencies." 

Why Christians Can't be Silent

 

"Those who have used human reasoning to supersede divine influence in their lives have diminished themselves and cheapened civilization in the process."  Elder Dallin H. Oaks

The desire to share why Christians can't be silent was one reason I established this blog.  I feel the secret to happiness and strong families lies in a never ending pursuit of truth and then seeking to apply those truths in everyday living. 

Son Richard and Family

Daughter Shanelle and Family

Son Brett and Family

I am a Christian.  I want to represent my Savior well and follow his example.  As I have prayed to know how to better do that, I feel the Lord has blessed me with some adversity and trials.  These trials have taught me what I don’t think I could have seen clearly without them.  I am a Christian and a sinner.  I don’t think I have met anyone who needs the atonement more than I do.  The cumulative effect of my self-will, pride and missteps are sufficient to prevent me from achieving eternal life, unless I consistently employ the repentance process and seek to improve every day from this hour forward by adding to my knowledge of gospel principles and laying my doings at Christ’s  feet.  I need to not only follow the Savior by being kind and loving, but I need to emulate the way in which he got his errand.  The Savior’s errand was to do and promote the work of the Father.

Where do I start?  One way is to seek to know truth, to really seek to understand God’s character and attributes and my true relationship to him, as well as the purposes of life.    It is, with the help of heaven, an attempt to see myself as I really am.   When I see myself as more than I am or less than I am, I am terribly handicapped in doing good for others.   I have sought to know these things through the instrument of prayer and study.  I have read the Bible and the Book of Mormon and I believe these books to be the word of God.  When I have tried to implement the teachings and principles contained in the scriptures, I have felt a sense of spiritual progress and a growing knowledge that these principles are true.  I believe that God is both omniscient and omnipotent.  I have sought to find a church which has the authority to baptize and bestow the potential of the perpetual companionship of the Holy Ghost. 

God has knowledge of all things past, present and future and based on that omniscience, he has foreordained individuals to accomplish things in this life that are particular to them.  Neal Maxwell, an LDS theologian and apostle now deceased, authored the following:  “It does no violence to our frail human logic to observe that there cannot be a grand plan of salvation for all mankind, unless there is also a plan for each individual.” (A More Determined Discipleship, February Ensign, 1979)

I believe we had a pre-mortal existence and that there was a war fought in heaven that included the spirits of all those who would be assigned to this earth.  We were given volition to choose Satan’s plan or God’s plan.  The war was fought over agency.  Though God is omniscient, his omniscience did not and has not violated the agency of man in the least degree.   I believe that this earth life is a test, actually part two of a two part test.  The first test was to choose either the Father’s plan or Satan’s plan.  Those who chose the Father’s plan now get to enjoy mortality.   Now, we get to live by faith, having forgotten all we learned there, but when truth is presented to us, we have the capacity to remember it, if we are honest truth seekers.  We are currently being tested to see if we will keep the commandments of God and prepare for eternity.  At the conclusion of this life we will be judged by him who is completely fair and receive a designation and ultimate condition of existence based on how we performed.    Faith in true things can only be awakened and obtained by hearing true concepts, by hearing the testimony of those who have faith.  That is why the ancients were commanded to write.  It is why those who profess knowledge of God are commanded to share.  It is the economy of heaven.  Just as evil is hastened by the collective efforts of those who are evil, such as in gang activity, good is promoted by gathering and sharing with others of faith.   We will be judged greatly as Christ declared, in relation to how we interfaced with others, how we treated them, how we judged them, and how we ministered to them.  Many will come to that judgment believing they served well, only to be told they never knew Him, nor applied His doctrine.   

Because I am a Christian and I believe the Bible to be the word of God, I have come to define certain behaviors as sins.  They are those things which offend God and make us unclean.  There are certain behaviors that please God and when those behaviors, beliefs and attitudes are not present, they constitute sins of omission.  Anyone who has, through revelatory experience, determined that there is a God and that Jesus Christ is our Divine Redeemer, has been commanded to promote such.  For example, if you had knowledge of a calamity that was about to threaten your neighborhood, you would be remiss for not acting on that knowledge or sharing that knowledge with your neighbor.  Thus if someone believes in the Bible and believes that sexual impurity,  in any of its forms, would impact one’s condition in the world to come as well as happiness, peace and safety in this life,  and that person doesn’t promote that belief, God would hold him accountable.   Sharing these things is based on a basic premise, as promoted by Paul in the New Testament,  that God is a “rewarder” of those who keep his commandments, (Hebrews 11:6).  In other words, good things will follow living a life of righteousness.  Paul was also astute in the following observation recorded in Hebrews 1:9:  “Thou hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity; therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.”    The goal here is not, as many suppose, to make everyone feel comfortable with their current condition of righteousness and avoid making any waves.   My take on the definition of righteous is very simple.  It is anyone who is involved in a consistent process of repentance.   The opposite is also true, someone who is not consistently involved in the repentance process is unrighteous.  

Some maintain that it isn’t Christian to define certain behaviors as sinful.    They argue, “It makes people feel uncomfortable and wasn’t he the Prince of Peace?” Christ didn’t mince words and he wasn’t afraid to offend others when it came to doctrine or need for change.   He did ask others not to throw stones, figuratively or literally, for none are without sin.  This didn’t mean they weren’t to promote what was good and identify what was sin according to His doctrine.  For a Christian to say there is no sin is to deny there is a God, to deny their faith and be counted as in infidel.   Both Ezekiel 3 and Ezekiel 33 both describe a variety of scenarios concerning those who are willing to raise a warning voice and those who are not.  Christ and Moses were two who were described as having attributes of meekness, (Numbers, 12:3).  Yet, these two were extremely bold and willing to offend.  Inherent in biblical definitions of meekness, one must include obedience to God and faithfulness to his words.   Prophets were frequently stoned for preaching.  Almost all of the original apostles were murdered for promoting their beliefs.  Can we hope to enjoy the same glory as the ancients who were willing to give their very lives if we are unwilling to promote the things that they did.

Isaiah taught that there would be those who would call good evil and evil, good, (Isaiah 5:20).   I believe the “way of truth” is to seek knowledge through the vehicle of personal revelation.   Paul explained that the things of the spirit can only be spiritually discerned and to all others, it will sound as foolish traditions.   But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned, (1 Corinthians 2:14)”.  As Americans, we have come a long way in overcoming prejudice, but does that include and presuppose that we should promote evil as acceptable, inconsequential behavior?

I believe that Satan’s greatest tactics involve adding to or taking away from truth.  The adversary is incredibly subtle.   The Prophet Daniel speaks of the abomination of desolation and that abomination which maketh desolate where it ought not to be as signaling the proximity of the last days and great calamity, (See Daniel, chapters 11 and 12).  Could that possibly be a description of a formerly god-fearing nation that  kills its unborn when it is inconvenient to bear and makes it illegal to promote moral values?  

The word of God, as recorded in Leviticus 26, rehearses the consequences of a godless nation.  It is not a pretty prophecy.  I believe we live in a promised land and God makes clear that those who forget Him cannot continue to live in a promised land in peace and safety.  Paul spoke of that which is essential to the role of a woman, who “shall be saved in child bearing, (1 Timothy 2:15).” and God, according to Genesis, commanded Adam and Eve to “multiply and replenish the earth,” (Genesis 1:28).  If the bearing and rearing of children is perhaps the most important work or achievement of human beings, as established in the beginning by our first parents, then homosexuality and abortion would not be activities leading toward that end.   It is understandable that the more crucial the principle, the greater Satan’s campaign against it. 

Horrific things have been done to those believed to be homosexuals.  Horrific things have been done to individuals because of their beliefs and practices.  Horrific things have been done to individuals because of their gender.  But for an individual to say that a practice is not in keeping with the word of God and that word of God is contained in what they consider a holy book is not an act of bigotry or prejudice.  It is simply a declaration of their faith.  Efforts to force all members of society to speak, act, and promote as though there is nothing inherently wrong with any form of sexual impurity is in itself an act of bigotry.   It is also bigotry to force others to behave morally.   It is also a sin to reinforce negative patterns of behavior.  Webster defines a bigot as “one who is intolerant of others.”

Several things are certain:  Either there is a God or there isn’t.  Either the scriptures contained in the Bible are true or they are not, even given errors in translation.  If they are true, then God has established a way for individuals to come to the knowledge of their truthfulness.   Matthew 11:28-30 invites, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”   I simply encourage you to seek Him.  I am currently reading the Bible again from cover to cover.  The important thing is not where we have been, but where we are going.   Isaiah’s words bring great comfort for the repentant sinner, (Isaiah 1:18).  Those who do not think the Bible establishes clear guidelines about morality have not read the scriptures or simply choose not to believe them.   You simply cannot read the words of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Paul and a host of others and not conclude they didn’t see our day with exactness. 

I am not here to get you to accept my interpretations of the Bible, nor dictate what you should do when and if you determine that the Bible contains the word of God.    I want you to read the scriptures and then prayerfully decide what your course of action is to be.   But, what is of great concern to me is that increasing numbers who believe in the Bible have rendered themselves silent and encourage all others to be silent in the name of righteousness.  Were that righteous protocol, there would be no holy scriptures, there would be no standard by which to judge our doctrine, there would be no promotion of that which is good and no means by which to improve our condition here or rid our garments of the blood and sins of this generation.   We daily watch shows in our living rooms that promote immorality as acceptable and normal, with little if any negative consequence.  Then, we wonder why our children enjoy premarital sex.
  

With all of my heart, I feel the words of Christ are worthy of careful and prayerful consideration and that there is no better time than the present to do so.  As in the beginning, we are again in a war for the salvation of souls.  We cannot force others to be righteous, but we can put on the whole armour of God.

  

New Year's Resolutions

Me, with my husband Bryan and our youngest, Alyse 

 

This time of year always lends itself to great reflection.  What did I learn this past year?  What would I like to happen next year?  What will I change?  What will I add or delete?  Most importantly, what will I maintain?

 

The first thing I would recommend for myself and others is to maintain and nurture our relationships, especially with our spouses and family members.  I have often said the greatest joys and challenges lie in family life.  It expands the level of pain and happiness we can experience by leaps and bounds.  Three of my children had babies for the first time this year.   It has been so sweet to see the cycle of life repeating.  For the first time, they have insight into how much we, as a couple, love them, as our children never quite feel the same way we feel about them.   But, if our children can witness true love, intimacy, forgiveness and equality in marriage, we offer them the best of gifts.   It is my personal opinion that divorces are often sought prematurely.  However, as I investigated child abuse, I learned that if there is a spouse who puts his spouse or children at significant risk of safety and well-being, due to substance abuse and/or domestic violence, divorce is often the appropriate course of action.

Finn, one of our four grandchildren born this year.

 

Many take time as the New Year approaches to set goals to seek to improve their physical and emotional health.  Now that I am in my sixties, I am grateful for some of the good choices for healthy living I made, such as avoiding use of drugs and alcohol, but there is room for improvement as I want to limit my sugar intake, eat more foods high in nutritional value and get more rest.  Yet, I choose not to make health or fitness my religion.  There is place for feasting and celebrating.  I  have a strong testimony of the importance of reading scriptures.  This daily practice not only increases our desire to live righteously, but actually gives us the power to do so.  Partaking of true principles literally adds light to our whole being and gives us spiritual strength much like eating provides us the energy to work and move.   I want to continue limiting how much television I watch.   The last two years, I took the opportunity to take lots of history classes so that I could add a history endorsement to my teaching credentials.  I didn't have much time for television.   Even with my diminished short term memory from a rear end collision, I learned so much.  Because I have taught troubled youth for almost three years, now, I also learned the joy of reading some classics.  These troubled youth love to be read to. 

One thing, I will maintain is trying to put what I am learning into words and share those thoughts.  I am still convinced that we grow through the sharing process.  Not just any sharing will do however.  Most Americans are terribly negative.  Nonetheless, it isn’t prudent to ignore the negative trends that are happening.  I believe it is expedient that we discern both good and evil and that we promote that which is wholesome and edifying.  Paul taught, “Thou hast loved righteousness and hated iniquity; therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.”   Life is a test and it places before us the opportunity to earn a reward in heaven.  The basic premise is that God is a rewarder of those that love and seek Him.

Our daughter Audrie is serving an LDS mission in Argentina

 

Part of life is having trails.  One of my new mothers, after reading child rearing books that shared what to do when you child gets ill, remarked, “I just want to avoid all of those illness in the first place.”   If she were successful in this desire, both she and her child would miss out on a lot of living.  Trials have the capacity to weaken or strengthen us.  They seldom leave us as they found us.   Man’s cruelty to man has ever existed.  Yet, no amount of human suffering needs to be entirely wasted if we turn more fully to God.  The human spirit to survive is most often present, but this is not equivalent to righteousness.  The truly righteous do not fear death, nor look for a premature escape from life.  The truly righteous are desirous of representing God well, but do not make being impressive or pleasing others tantamount to righteousness.  The righteous are willing to judge, for judgment is essential to the establishment of Zion, but they do not burden themselves with retribution, knowing it is certain and perfectly administered by eternal laws and consequences.  They raise a warning voice, but do not compel others to a course of action.  They avoid evil companions and conditions, but would come face to face with any man, or group of men, if compelled by the spirit.

I am currently in circumstances that make me feel a little anxious about my financial future.  I am not sure whether these circumstances are wholly the result of poor choices, or in part, a curriculum that was prescribed by the Lord to better prepare me for eternity.   Regardless of their origin, my trials have increased my reliance upon the Lord and my knowledge that without God, I am nothing.  They have increased my understanding that the difference between the worst and best of us is less than I ever imagined.   They have increased my compassion for others in need.  As a couple, we have sought to be prayerful in our financial decisions.  So it is kind of tricky to encourage others to follow our lead in this as we are confident we haven’t heard or implemented this process with perfection.    I had once dreamed that I had to go down some descending stairs.  When I reached the last stair, it was dark and I couldn’t see where the landing was.  But, I felt impressed to step off that last stair in faith.

In some ways,  I feel as if I am in a free fall and I don’t know how all of this is going to turn out.  However, I still feel compelled to encourage others to counsel with the Lord in their doings. (See Alma 37:37 in the Book of Mormon).  I still don't advocate a simply prudent life.  One cannot joy in this life or in the eternities if one doesn’t live by faith.  My take away from the scriptures is that the righteous are frequently asked to go forward in faith, not seeing the end from the beginning.  I believe God is a God of miracles and I am willing to trade my limited view of things for his perfect and divine perspective.  I believe that God is more interested in exalting saints than he is in making his saints appear awesome and sinless.   We are not here to promote ourselves, but Him, who is mighty to save.  Everything I have read and everything I have witnessed indicates to me that God lives and that He is mighty to save.   We discover him, by putting our lives on the altar and being willing to go where he desires to take us.  We must pray and seek to know what is God's will concerning us today.  I think each one of us has a divine mission to fulfill in mortality and that there was far more planning in our pre-mortal life than many of us suppose.

Independent of my trials, I think that it is an incredible privilege to live and learn.  I never expected that my older years would be so very exciting.   

 

Have a wonderful New Year!

 

 

When Your Babies have Babies

It has truly been an exciting few months.  One missionary daughter returned from her mission and another one just left.  One son had his first baby and another daughter just had her fifth.  Two other daughters are expecting before the year's end and we have learned that one is having a boy and the other a girl.   My year of teaching Youth in Custody at a local high school ended and I am gearing up to be the Youth in Custody teacher at a residential center.  I have been taking history graduate courses, as well as preparing to apply to graduate school.  We are anxiously anticipating the return of our son and his family from Italy where he has been serving in the JAG Corps.  They are going to be living with us initially.   I have found that one of the few constants in my life is change. 

 

 

Baby Lisbon gets to meet Finn.

When I was younger, I think I had a vision of what I thought my life would be like at this time.  I recalled growing up with older parents who nightly settled in front of the television and had a single  drink to relax before dinner.    I remember doing a lot of fishing with my father and shopping with my mother.  The pace was relaxed and unhurried.  They spent a lot of time on the patio and talked and reminisced.

Life has literally flown by.  To this point, I have enjoyed every age and every stage.  I have become a crier however.   I cry every time I hear a patriotic song.  I cry at baby blessings, marriages and baptisms.  I cry when I consider my blessings and I cry when I consider how much I still need to overcome. 

I worry about trends in America.  I worry that with some there is an inordinate preoccupation with fitness.   Paul warned against that 1Timothy 4:8.   I worry that children are being raised by day care workers.  I worry about the impact of social media and that we have forgotten that manners matter.  I feel sad that the government is trying to be all things to all people, instead of extended families taking care of the needy in their own families.     I think hope, faith, brotherly kindness and morality are being replaced by fear, greed, entitlement and pleasure seeking.  They have forgotten the security that comes from fidelity, the wonder that is present with the birth of a new baby, the confidence that comes from being morally clean, the joy that comes in small acts of service, and the character that comes from enduring difficult situations.

For me that time when I meet my maker is getting closer.  I am in the last quarter of my life.  I turned 61 last week.

  Alyse, my youngest, Shanelle, Bryan, me and Aunt Rochelle holding baby Finn on my birthday.

I love life and I love learning.  I love children.  I love the challenges and opportunities that life affords me.  I believe with all of my heart that we will have to make an accounting of our life before our maker when we die and we will respond to the great question: What have you done with you life?  I believe it was President Kimball who taught that we will need to make an accounting of how we used our time in mortality and John the Beloved taught that we will give an accounting of every idle word.    Hopefully we will have more than the following types of responses:

I watched 59,000 hours of reality television.

I hit a golf ball 30,000 times. 

I checked Facebook at least three times a day.

I ran 8,000.00 miles.

I spent 46,000 hours playing video games.

How nice it would be to say:

I read scriptures to my children each day of their lives.

I forgave others who trespassed against me.

I never gave up.

Any way, you get the idea. 

We do need to spend our time on those things that matter most.  We need inspiration to know what those things are before that great and dreadful day.  We also need time for fun, talking and sharing.

The truly good news is that it is never to late to get an A on this test.  The parable of the laborers should give everyone hope and yet . . . it is very possible to procrastinate the day of our repentance until it is everlastingly too late.  I have loved the book, Return from Tomorrow by George Ritchie.  When he was clinically dead, he had an experience where he met his maker and was asked that all important question of what he had done with his life to show the Savior the kind of love he had extended toward him.  George almost became indignant when he realized he hadn't lived the kind of life that would please his savior.  He felt he had come to a final exam and had never been told what to study.  George Ritchie then wrote what the Savior lovingly explained to him, "I told you by the life I lived. I told you by the death I died.  Look to me and learn more."  (This is paraphrased as I loaned out my book and it wasn't returned.)

Our thoughts aren't always consistent with God's thoughts and our ways, His ways.  But, we can look to Him and learn what really matters.  Few people understand the meaning of the scripture in Matthew, "Search the scriptures, for in them ye think ye have eternal life.  They are they which testify of me."    This wasn't just a plea for those present to search the scriptures, but rather a chastisement.   Some whom the Savior sought to reach literally carried their scriptures on their bodies wherever they went.  While they read and studied scriptures, those amazing principles somehow didn't penetrate their souls and change them.  They were busy keeping the letter of the law and somehow didn't come to know Him, the lawgiver.  The Joseph Smith Version of Matthew 7:32-33 reads, "And many will say unto me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name; and in thy name cast out devils, and in thy name done many wonderful works?  And then will I say, Ye never knew me; depart from me ye that work iniquity."    We can be very busy and still not know Him.  We can very old and still not know Him.

We do need to search the scriptures prayerfully and daily.  We need to extrapolate those principles by which the ancients approached and communicated with the Father.  We need a two way communication with heaven, otherwise we become a blind guide.  We need to repent, which is more than just avoiding serious sin.  It is to make better choices of our time and energies and judge the way the Savior judged.  This is an impossible task without His input and guidance. 

My young daughter leaves the country next Monday and flies to Argentina.   I will miss her so much.  The only reason I can let her go, is that she knows in whom she can rely.  She knows what it feels like to have the Spirit of God with her and she knows what it feels like to have it leave and knows how to get it back.  She is going to share that message.   I wrote the following to her today: 

"Audrie, I love you and I will pray for you daily.  Though this will be a difficult experience for you, you will have an opportunity to know your Savior more than you have ever known him because the greatest truths are mined in the "field of adversity".  You will have higher highs than you have yet experienced because there is nothing like bringing others to the source of truth.  I will do my best to progress and be a fit companion while you are gone, because if I am not going forward, I will be going backward.  It is an eternal law.  We can never stop improving and learning.  You have already touched so many lives by this decision.  I love you more than words can say!!!"

Love forever, Mom

 

Why I disliked Mother’s Day

 

I don’t know why, but this holiday for some reason was especially difficult for me this year.  I had been particularly engaged in self-reflection over the preceding months.   Perhaps it was that I am at a crossroads in my life and can see that empty nest stage fast approaching.  Most of my peers have navigated this stage well, but having a child at age 41 and again at 46 postponed it for me.  We still have three single daughters.  One is completing her degree next month, another just left on her LDS mission and the youngest will be a freshman in high school.  My sweet mother and mother-in-law have both passed away.  So, it should be a day of little pressure.  But, I felt pressure!

 

But, back to why this year was particularly difficult.   I dislike having loved ones feeling compelled to give me a gift for either Mother’s Day or my birthday.  I hate how commercial holidays are.  They use guilt to increase their profits.  However, if a child fails to fall prey to this commercialism, I feel kind of sad.  That puts my family members into a truly no-win situation.  And I even feel sad when I can't keep those beautiful fresh cut flowers alive.  I don’t know why, even when I feed and trim them regularly, they just don’t last more than a couple of days.    

 

Mother's Day is a to consider if I have been a good mother and how does one really measure that???   Good mothers have produced all types of children and good children have come from all types of mothers.    So we can’t really measure a mother’s worth by how her children turn out.   I believe that producing a child doesn’t necessarily make you a mother any more than building a house, makes it a home.

 

To me, these are, however, things that make a woman a good mother. . .

 

1.  A good mother is a woman who consistently seeks to know her creator and acquire truth.   A woman cannot teach her children to have faith, hope and charity if she doesn’t have those attributes. 

 

2.  A good mother gives her children the key to the well.  I love the anonymous quote: 
“There is a difference between the learned man who will pump you full of knowledge and the one who will give you the key to the well.”  Though my mother wasn’t religiously inclined and seldom went to Church.  She did believe in saying prayers.  She taught me to pray.  Those prayers led me to Him and He led me to church activity and affiliation. 

 

3.  A good mother seeks to teach correct principles while still preserving a child’s agency in a climate of order and safety.  Now if that isn’t a tricky job description, I don’t know what is.   We want to prepare them for adulthood because we want them to make it in a society that has laws, regulations, rules and consequences.  

 

 

4.  A good mother is a happy person.  She needs to take care of herself while not being selfish and neglecting her children.    For example, she needs to exercise without taking huge chunks of time pursuing the perfect body.  Paul, who saw our day, wisely warned against taking physical fitness to an extreme:  “For bodily exercise profiteth little:  but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.  I know mothers who don’t deviate from a prescribed daily exercise routine, but seldom have time to read their scriptures or read to their children.    These same principles apply to a host of other activities.  But, we do need to get that haircut, a new outfit, as well as groom and have growing experiences.  We want our children to see that raising children is joyful.   We want them to look forward to being parents.  I was sad when I heard a young woman say, “I don’t ever want kids.  My mom is the unhappiest person I know”. 
 

My oldest daughter Jeanette, with her daughter, loves being a mother

 

 

5.  A good mother loves and respects their children’s father.   Studies have shown that if a child can witness a truly intimate relationship, they have a greater capacity to form an intimate relationship with a future spouse.  This doesn’t mean their witnessing physical sexual intimacy.  This kind of intimacy can be observed by a child whose parents  have mutual respect and care deeply for each other.  We can’t truly have or even seek to have this kind of relationship with our children.  They will never care for us, the way we care for them.  But they will know how much we love them, when they have children of their own.  Now this is a particularly difficult task when there has been a divorce.   But, it is a Christian command to love others, ALL OTHERS.  That ability and capacity will come from our relationship with God. 
 

 

 

 

6.  In seeking to establish a house of happiness and safety, we need to be sure that our goal is not to make our child’s life ideal and stress free.   A child who is waited on hand and foot and has a “Disneyland” childhood often grows up to be self-absorbed and “entitled”.   They need to learn to work, serve and wait for some things.  They need role models who occasionally mess up and admit it.  They need to see repentance modeled.  A “ Disneyland” childhood could produce a child ill-prepared for life. 

 

7.  I am really going to go out on a limb with the last one.  A child needs a mother who is there, who puts career and time consuming hobbies on the back burner, until a later time.  A child needs supervision.  The cost of a child coming home from school to an empty house is often a cost that is far too great.  Society and divorce makes this ideal almost impossible.   If this means a smaller home, fewer extracurricular activities or whatever sacrifice it takes, you won’t be sorry.

Whatever you can do to provide that supervision and accountability will pay great dividends.   

So why was I sad this Mother’s Day?  It is to know, I come up short by my own standards!   I am not the perfect mother I want to be.   But the next day, I was fine and happy again.  My children’s imperfect mother was well celebrated, but I was ever so grateful for the atonement and another day to seek to improve.  There is a place for Holidays and traditions, a place for retrospection and honor.  Like everything else, we need to involve the Lord to help us get the right balance in the observation of these traditions.  We need Him to help us establish that right balance in everything we do.  Finally,

we simply cannot give up on ourselves or anyone within our realm of influence.  That is the perhaps the best definition of a good mother. 

 

We need to talk . . .

These four words have the ability to cause a sense of panic and dread to those who hear them, especially if they are spoken by your mother, wife or older female acquaintance.   You are almost certain her words will surmise that you haven't been listening and the substance of her message will involve something you haven't been doing or something you have been doing wrong according to her point of view.  However, I chose this title for this post not for the reasons just mentioned, but because, we really do need to talk and this compulsion sometimes intensifies the older we become.  This desire to communicate and share with loved ones and others what we think we have learned or what we are in the process of learning is strong and persistent.   We care deeply about you, our loved ones, friends and neighbors.  We want you to succeed.  We want you to stay safe and avoid the pitfalls that so many fall into.  We've lived long enough to see patterns, and cause and effect scenarios.  We are a few short years from senility.  And if we are lucky enough to come out of life's experience to this point without becoming bitter at life, and filled with a strong testimony of the purposes of life, we might actually have something that would be of value for you to hear. 

These days mothering isn't seen in the same light as it was viewed historically and older mothers are especially rich fodder for comedians and sitcoms.   The Prophet Isaiah saw our day with clarity.  It would be time when children would be quite brazen and something would happen that would be unique when compared to almost all past eras of history.  It would be a time when " the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient, (Isaiah 3:5)".  In other words, it would be a time when the elderly would enjoy little honor or respect.  It would also be a unique time when child bearing and rearing would not be considered the primary and most important task of a married woman.  Throughout the Bible, a woman's ability to bear children was considered her greatest blessing and a measure of divine favor.  I think it was no accident that some of the most noble of biblical women were tested by long periods of infertility.  I read in an ancient text that Anna, the mother of Mary, previously barren, was visited by an angel who told her that there are times "the Lord shuts the womb of a woman, only to open it up again, in a more glorious manner (Quomran Genesis Apocraphon).”    So important was this chance to bear that Moses established laws that gave women access to their husbands for the purpose of conception based upon the husband's profession.  Less demanding professions required more accessibility.   While women generally enjoy greater status than any period in history, which is a good thing, the status of motherhood has lessened, and decreases as women age.

So if we decide to brave this unpopular course of imparting our thoughts, how do we go about it? There are a variety of ways.  We can write a personal letter.  One of my children boasted that they hadn't had one of these "letters" yet.   They had had their share of camp letters and birthday wishes, but they hadn't recalled a communication they might refer to as a "call to repentance" or a "come to Jesus confrontation".   We all know it is just a matter of time before she gets her turn.

Another means is to simply send an email.  My emails are simply entitled:  "Mom letter".   They are sent out about monthly.   In it I try to share uplifting things I've recently learned, as well as address those things I think we could do better as a family.   My children are encouraged to at least let me know they have read it.  But, most often my children actually share their thoughts about its content and what they have been learning and the ways they have seen the hand of the Lord in their lives.    It is a great way to keep the whole family up to date on family activities.    It is even an opportunity to request extra prayers in our behalf during difficult times.

Another venue for sharing is to simply gather once a month as a family, especially if there are a number of married children as we have.  We take turns preparing a short gospel centered lesson and then everyone shares a brief uplifting event or thought.   We then do a "fun"  activity and of course we share good food.  Those families living away can even join us via Skype for the sharing and lesson parts.  It has been a great way to stay connected.

Finally, I enjoyed simply writing my thoughts on a subject in essay form.  This has been especially handy when one of my children approach me on a subject such as repentance when they are asked to teach or speak.  I can send them to my "Quotable Quote Binder", where they will also find the essay.   (I may include some of these essays on this blog.) 

What I have learned most is that the greatest benefit of sharing is mostly mine.  That is why I keep doing it.  It is a great challenge to put your thoughts on paper.   It forces me to review and consider the many blessings that have been mine and what I may have learned from periods of adversity.  When the kids share what they are learning, my faith is greatly strengthened.  A side benefit has been that it seems the Lord is trying to teach us all the same kinds of lessons.  We see great purpose in life struggles and realize the Lord is trying to refine our understanding of true gospel principles and identify weaknesses in thought.  Mostly, he is trying to help us understand our nothingness and how much we rely upon the atonement and that we need that atonement as much as anyone we have ever met.   I love the Bible Dictionary's definition of faith, especially the following statement:  "Faith is kindled by hearing the testimony of those who have faith".

I recalled a dream, my oldest son had while on his mission.  In the dream, he and I were scuba diving.  While we were doing so, we happened upon a treasure.  He asked me what it was, even wondering if it were the actual "Ark of the Covenant".  I told him that the treasure was Zion and "it is established in families".  That was the extent of the dream.  Zion has been defined as the "pure in heart".  Zion indicates to me a plural word meaning a group of people united in the goal of overcoming the world and seeking a heavenly connection.   We need to seek this treasure more fervently as a family.

Given our need to talk as older moms, how can we satisfy this need and still maintain relationships and credibility-- all the while still giving those within the sound of our voices, freedom to make their own choices and  the privilege of gaining their own experience?    It is a tightrope and not easily navigated.  Actually impossible to navigate if we don't involved the Lord in the process.   But I have some strange advice--advice that has not made me necessarily popular among my associates.  It is to err on  the side of saying too much rather than too little.  Certainly we need to learn when to be quiet.  Certainly, we need to make our words as palatable as possible.  But, we do need to say it, as lovingly and as succinctly as possible.   Why?  Because eternity hangs in the balance and we need to talk!