Contrasting Jewish Family Life at the Time of Christ with Current Christian Family Living.

Jewish Family Life

I recently loved learning more about Jewish families at the time of Christ.  Jewish family life centered on establishing homes of righteousness and preparing the next generation to marry and bear children of their own.   Nothing in life superseded the individual's commitment and desire to marry, and bear and rear children.

Today, I fear this primary focus, even for religiously inclined individuals, is often eclipsed by the desire to be well-respected, be financially affluent, and self-actualize, while still not doing anything serious that would disqualify them from be classed as righteous.  

It takes great faith to get married.  

Our daughter, Kristin, on her wedding day with her parents and siblings.

Additionally, there is tremendous focus on health and exercise and the shape of the body.  Today, marriages are entered at older ages than ever before, after which parenthood is often delayed for several years and then curtailed after having a few children, so the couple can return to “more important” things such as earning more money and making a splash in the world.  Parents rear their children in ways to provide them with an ideal childhood, while simultaneous preparing their offspring to be very competitive academically to maximize their earning potential.  Little wonder that individual and family scripture study is lax, service and kindness to others is under-emphasized and respect for each other, their parents and fellow beings is waning and why we are finding that interpersonal violence is skyrocketing, even in our most intimate relationships.  https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf

For traditional Jewish families, in the meridian of time, it was different: 

1.       They knew that marriage was the first commandment instituted by God.  After he created the world and Adam, the Lord said, it was “not good” for man to be alone. 

2.        In the Jewish family the preparation for their child’s marriage began at his or her birth. 

3.        Men were to be married by the time they were 18 and at 13 a boy was considered of marriageable age.  For a girl it was 12 and one month.  A baby boy was often called a “little bridegroom”. 

4.        At an early age, children were taught the responsibilities of social and religious customs.  The importance of obedience and respect was taught to children by their parents.  Everything parents did prepared their children for their future responsibilities as parents and faithful marriage partners.   

5.        It wasn’t the responsibility of individuals to find a spouse.  It was the parents’ responsibility, sometimes asking for the help of a matchmaker.  Children and youth didn’t put their energies into finding a future suitable spouse, their job was to put their efforts into becoming a suitable spouse.  The word for parent in Hebrew has the root of yareh, which means to teach, instruct and direct.  For parents they were to do three things:  To love God, remember His commandments always, and teach their children at every possible opportunity.

6.        “Hear, O Israel:  The Lord our God, is One Lord.  And thou shalt love the Lord with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might”, (Deuteronomy 6:4-5).  This scripture is called the Shema.  It was written on parchment, rolled up and then placed in a small cylinder and fixed on the doorpost.  This cylinder that contained this parchment was called a mezuzah.   A child was taught early in life to join his parents in the practice of kissing his fingers and touching the mezuzah each time they entered or left their home.  It was to remind them to consistently represent the Lord well when leaving the home and to focus on this when they returned.

Teaching youth is a primary function of the family.
Aunt Kristin takes time to teach some of her nephews.

Latter-day Saints are encouraged to be familiar with the learning of the Jews.  In my last blog post on the Parable of the Wise Virgins, I explained how understanding what took place in ancient Jewish weddings was such a perfect metaphor for the second coming of Christ.  Additionally, LDS believe that the gospel of Christ was restored in Latter-days by means of revelation and that this restored religion incorporates all the elements of the Church of Christ that was functional during the meridian of time.  Along with the restoration of the gospel, Joseph Smith was led to the location where we believe a history of ancient American Israelite prophets on this American continent, was deposited.  We believe this compilation of histories, that covered a length of time from approximately 600 B.C. to 400 A.D., serves as a second witness of Christ.   It was my reading of this book and asking of its truthfulness that led to my conversion to the LDS faith.  One scripture passage that I appreciate in the Book of Mormon explains who shall benefit from Christ’s taking upon himself the sins of the world. 

 “Behold I say unto you, that when his soul has been made an offering for sin he shall see his seed.  And now what say ye?  And who shall be his seed?  Behold I say unto you, that whosoever has heard the words of the prophets, ye, all the holy prophets who have prophesied concerning the coming of the Lord—I say unto you, that all those who have hearkened unto their words, and believed that the Lord would redeem his people, and have looked forward to that day for a  remission of their sins, I say unto you, that these are his seed, or they are the heirs of the kingdom of God.  For these are they whose sins he has borne, these are they for whom he has died, to redeem them from their transgressions.  And now, are they not his seed”, (Mosiah 15:10-13).

LDS individuals are not only commanded to be familiar with the Holy  Bible, but the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, the Pearl of Great Price and the words of past and living prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ.  For example, President Ezra Taft Benson, wrote words of advice to men, women and youth as it relates to families.  He often quoted prophets who preceded him.  Because this is a blog written for women, I include this video of him speaking to the women of the LDS church:

https://youtu.be/jcjeLC88x1Y 

I once had a dream that I will long ponder and remember.  In the dream, an individual approached me and asked if I wanted to see an ancient oil lamp.  I was very excited because the parable of the wise virgins already meant a great deal to me and I immediately said yes.   He showed me the lamp and I felt so privileged to see this lamp.  He then asked me if I wanted to see a modern-day lamp.  I wasn’t as excited, but didn’t want to be rude and I said that I would like to see one.   He showed it to me and it was identical to the firs lamp.  

As I pondered the dream, I realized that it likely did refer to the parable of the wise virgins.  What qualified the ancients to be among the wise, are the very things that qualify us today.  They had to live by faith.  They had to be willing to follow the commandments and the prophets.  They had to proceed on courses of righteousness before they knew the end from the beginning.  They had to be different from the worldly.   It takes great faith to marry.  It takes great faith to have children.  The words of the prophets and the idea that men are to provide for their families and that women have the responsibility to bear, care for and rear the children is now being considered as socially constructed fruits of white, male privilege, and that the promotion of traditional marriage between a man and a woman is likewise.   Promoting strong families has been the duty of prophets since the time of what we believe was the first prophet, Adam.  Either Christ was who he said he was or he wasn't.  Either the Bible, as far as it is translated correctly, is the word of God or it isn’t.  Either the Book of Mormon is a body of scripture preserved by the hand of God or is isn’t.  Prophecies concerning the Last Days are throughout the Bible and the New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants.   I am familiar with those prophecies and they reflect our modern-day society perfectly.  It would be a time when good would be called evil and evil good.  The prophet Mormon, who abridged the writings of American prophets and after whom the Book was named, saw our day.

Having a large family is often seen as fool-hearty today.

But, seeking to raise a family in righteousness, we believe,

 should be the primary focus of a Christian family.

“Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not.  But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing.  And I know that ye do walk in the pride of your hearts; and there are none save a few only who do not lift themselves up in the pride of their hearts, unto the wearing of very fine apparel, unto envying, and strifes and malice, and persecutions, and all manner of iniquities; and your churches, year, even every one, have become polluted because of the pride of your hearts.  For behold, ye do love money, and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of yours churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted.  O ye pollutions, ye hypocrites, ye teachers, who see yourselves for that which will canker, and why have ye polluted the holy church of God?  Why are ye ashamed to take upon you the name of Christ?  Why do ye not think that greater is the value of endless happiness than that misery which never dies—because of the praise of the world?”  (Mormon 8: 35-38). 

I believe in the importance of education, prudence, brotherly kindness.  I love taking care of a home and seeking to beautify it.  Health is important.  I try to eat right and I exercise daily.  At the age of 64, I went back to school and am soon to complete a master’s degree.   However, even now, my heart and my thought centers primarily upon my family.  I stayed home and cared for my children for 30 years and did not work during that time.   During that time my energies were at home and not the market place.  I am so grateful for a husband who allowed me that privilege.  Throughout the history of the world, faith has always preceded the miracle. 

I was blessed to be engaged in mothering at the same time I was grandmothering.   My youngest Alyse, far right, was only eight at the time this photo was taken.

How can we  better establish a Christ-centered home?  I believe it is in the establishment of our own righteous traditions.  Just as Jewish families paused as they entered and left their homes, we can take time to pray morning and evening as families.  We can daily consecrate our performances unto the Lord as we pray individually.  Taking time to daily read scriptures with our families and taking a few minutes to discuss the miracles of the day can do much to remind us of why we are here on earth.  Counseling together as parents as to the use of our time, money and energies can both unite us a couple and help us consider what really are our top priorities.  I believe a great threat to modern families is the media and its influence to undermine rather than reinforce the values we want our children to have and thus as parents, we need to take the primary responsibility to teach our children the gospel.  The LDS Doctrine and Covenants reinforces this principle, "But, I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth", (D&C 93:40).  Most importantly, we can't teach faith if we don't have faith.  Most of my prayers are engaged in asking God to help me set my own heart in order, that my influence upon others around me, may be an influence for good.  

With Love,

Vicki Robinson

The Parable of the Ten Virgins - Whether you are married or single, young or old, male or female, it's all about preparing for an upcoming wedding.

I was recently asked to be in charge of an activity for a Young Women's group.  As I gathered with those doing the planning, we decided to take the theme of the Parable of the Ten Virgins as our focus.  I love this parable and feel it is a wonderful metaphor for the Second Coming of Christ, especially if you know a little about ancient Jewish weddings.  The betrothal of a man and a woman was an incredibly important and significant event.  It was, as if, the two to be wed, and their families, had entered into a formal binding contract.  Once the proposal was accepted by both parties, the man would then depart for a period of time when he would prepare a home for his bride.  The construction was completed under the supervision of the groom's father and it was the father who would determine when it was complete and ready.  Meanwhile, the bride to be was busily engaged in preparing for that uncertain moment.  She needed to be in a constant state of readiness.  She paid attention to all aspects of her life.  She would prepare herself physically, spiritually and in skills and talents that would prepare her to be a prepared bride.  Women had the role of making sure there was oil in the home for the lamps.  There were also the bridesmaids, who were also in a state of readiness, with their lamps trimmed and containing oil.  They were the ones who would come at the appointed hour to light the way for the procession as they journeyed to where the ceremony would take place.  Intimate friends of the groom would often send clues and announcements that the hour was nigh at hand.  As the parable states, many of those virgins didn't have sufficient oil to participate and when that time came, the wise virgins could not share their oil and the bridegroom could not grant them access to the ceremony.

 https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2010-07-040-they-that-are-wise?lang=eng

When I watched the above video, it almost seemed too harsh that the wise virgins didn't share or that the Savior ultimately didn't let them in.  But, upon reflection, faith and confidence in things spiritual can neither be acquired or shared at that last and final moment.   Latter-Day Saints believe that the oil in the wise virgins lamp consists of many areas of preparation, but LDS doctrine particularly highlights three essential elements of preparation as contained in the Doctrine and Covenants Section 45:
56.  And at that day, when I shall come in my glory, shall the parable be fulfilled with I spake concerning the ten virgins.
57.  For they that are wise and have received the truth and have taken the Holy Spirit for their guide, and have not be deceived--verily I say unto you, they shall not be hewn down and cast into the fire, but shall abide the day.
58.  And the earth shall be given unto them for an inheritance, and they shall multiply and wax strong, and their children shall grow up without sin unto salvation.
59.  For the Lord shall be in their midst, and his glory shall be upon them, and he shall be their king and their lawgiver.

 When I was a young woman, I particularly loved reading the New Testament.  I was especially touched by Matthew 24 that described the last days prior to the Second Coming.  It shared how difficult these days would be when hearts would wax cold and the very elect could be deceived. 

 Me with nine of my ten daughters. 

 A daughter-in-law was living with her family in Italy at the time of this photo.  

I was thinking this morning that I am mother to ten beautiful women.  They include eight of my own daughters and two beautiful daughters-in-law.  Their desires are desires for good.  My desire is that I may become a wise virgin though I am older and married.  LDS doctrine remains firm about the importance of family and for women, a willingness to embrace their role as mothers.  This is a time in history where motherhood and family look very different from what it did just a few decades ago.  No longer is the focus of a woman's life to be caretakers of the hearth and home and making sure it has the "light" it needs to be a refuge in the storm.  This philosophy is being promoted as narrow and restrictive, a wicked fruit of patriarchy and white male privilege.  Raising our children, for me, was the greatest privilege I could have have ever hoped for.   It was financially tight, physically and emotionally challenging, but incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.   LDS doctrine recognizes that not all women will have the chance to marry  and/or physically bear children, and that no blessing will be withheld if that opportunity is not theirs.  But, it is still the willingness of all men and women to support and encourage this model of "family" that is important.  https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/36035_000_24_family.pdf 

Though I have been involved in working with families at risk for over ten years now, currently as a therapist, clearly my role as a mother has the greatest potential to impact society in positive ways for generations to come.   My daughters have embraced  this same philosophy at this hour.  We truly believe it is in the small things we do to prepare ourselves, our families, and those around us for that Great Day, the Second Coming of our Savior Jesus Christ, that matter most.

Am I in a Healthy or Unhealthy Relationship with my Significant Other?

I shared a post today on Facebook that I felt was quite good.  It identified red flags that indicate when you are in an unhealthy relationship.

My sweet husband of 40 years.  Who wears the pants in our family?

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family-relationships/if-these-30-signs-sound-familiar-you-need-to-get-out-of-your-relationship-asap/ss-BBvJIV8?ocid=spartandhp

Domestic Violence is on the rise.  I did a significant amount of research last semester while attending graduate school on the prevalence and impact of sexual victimization on youth.  From one study, I learned that more than two thirds of respondents from a national study given to over 5,000 youth, 12-18 years of age and dating, reported being victimized by their partner at one point in their relationship (Taylor & Mumford, 2016, p. 973). This data suggests that youth from all walks of life, independent of levels of education, family’s access to internet, renting or owning a residence, whether residing in an urban or non-urban region of the United States, see violence and aggressive behaviors as a normal part of life. 

So, after identifying some of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, what can be done if you are in one and even more importantly what are the signs of a healthy relationship?    What if you are married to someone who makes all the important decisions and considers their ideas to be consistently superior to yours.  Should you run, not walk, to a divorce attorney?   Everyone feels occasionally disrespected or underappreciated in their relationships.   Sadly, there are individuals who suffer from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, where they truly believe all those around them are privileged to be in their presence and that they pay for that privilege by acquiescing to all their demands.   They also tend to believe that all decisions they make are right simply because they have made them.  If they are the least bit unhappy, then surely others are to blame.  The following site explains well what may be going on with them and why you feel a constant need to submit as you walk on eggshells. 

http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

On the other hand, in less serious circumstances, we find that all of us have selfish tendencies that emerge and we want what we want when we want it.  When we question whether the relationship we are in is dysfunctional, it would also be a good time to look at ourselves.  The following quote by Brigham Young always causes me pause.  When I am honest with myself, I often find my sadness has more to do with my own behavior, use of time and current attitude than the one I am irked at. 

                When you. . . are tried and temped, when parents and children have a spirit come upon them that irritates them, that causes them to have bad feelings, disagreeable, unhappy and miserable sensations, causing them to say, “We wish it was some way else; we wish our circumstances were different, we are not happy.”  I desire to tell you that your own conduct is the cause of all this.  “But”, says one, “I have done nothing wrong, nothing evil?”  No matter whether you have or not, you have given way to a spirit of temptation.  There is not that man or woman in this congregation, or on the face of the earth, that has the privilege of the holy Gospel, and lives strictly to it, whom all hell can make unhappy.  You cannot make the man, woman, or child unhappy, who possesses the Spirit of the living God; unhappiness is caused by some other spirit,  Brigham Young, June 15, 1856, Journal of Discourses, Vol. 3, p. 343. 

Is there a place for order in families?   I believe there is.  I belong to and subscribe to an LDS philosophy that is not all that popular in today’s world.  I believe that a righteous man should assume a role of leadership in his family.   I believe that children should be obedient to their parents.  Yes, I actually believe in a patriarchal order, though patriarchy has come to represent all that is wrong in today’s world.  Done well, however, this system can be functional and sanctifying for both husband and wife and can still be a partnership where each member is valued and of equal worth.   We see that type of organization in every successful company.  There is a CEO for the sake of order and efficiency.   But, a man is a fool if he doesn’t see his wife as a capable intellectual, spiritual and financial adviser. 

Where do we find relief?  With all my being, I feel it is in our personal relationship with God.  It is in that relationship that we can see things more clearly.  It is in that relationship that we can get our errand and know how to proceed.  It is in that relationship that we acquire the abilities to love, forgive and influence for good. 

The measure of our worth is not in getting others to comply with our requests, not even our children.  It is in giving them the best opportunity to make good choices.  Sometimes that requires difficult conversations.  Sometimes it means not reinforcing negative patterns of behavior or financing those things we are morally opposed to.  It certainly doesn’t mean being someone’s doormat.  My life changed dramatically when I realized I wasn’t placed on earth to please all those about me.  It was to learn that my goal should be to please God and when I keep that focus, I find that truly, His burden is easy and His yoke is light, Matthew 11:40-41.  

Is Nice Enough? Thoughts on Mother's Day Observances

Mother’s Day has always been a difficult one for me and this year was no exception.   It was always a day that I appreciated and recognized my mother as the perfect mother for me.  As usual there are no observable reasons for my annual roller coaster ride on that day.  My children spoil me with tributes and presents.  My husband celebrates me beyond what I deserve.  My children are wonderful individuals and my grandchildren plentiful, bright and amazing.  I have everything that I need to be content and yet, on that day, I am not content.

Our family ten years ago

Some of our mothers and future mothers today.

My two youngest daughters with my oldest grandchild

My sweet husband of 40 years

I think the question and discomfort always centers on whether I feel I am doing what I need to in respect to mothering.  Being LDS, we have specific doctrine that identifies the importance of this calling for women.  It is a foundational belief that I do not doubt.  I recalled having the importance of this principle reaffirmed to me back in the 80's.  I'd had a dream that let me know in no uncertain terms that I was to continue to make this calling a priority.  When then President of the LDS Church, Ezra Taft Benson, reaffirmed the importance of this doctrine, it was further confirmation of what I already knew.  emp.byui.edu/WILLIAMSG/Talks/etb_tothemothers.htm  Though I was committed to helping children at risk prior to marriage, was Phi Beta Kappa, and had both a teaching degree and a social service worker's license, I knew my greatest contribution to society would be in putting the majority of my energies into rearing children in the home.   I had even begun part time graduate studies at that time just two nights a week, but when it came time to take them to Day Care for two full days, so I could complete the practicum portion, everything in my being told me this was not the season in my life to do that.  During my prayers, a succinct thought came to my mind with clarity.  "Right now I could use you more without a master's degree than with one."   I ended my graduate studies. By far, rearing children full time was the best use of my time and energies through the years.  

So back to the question at hand, am I being the kind of mother that I need to be.  Am I promoting this doctrine and sound doctrine to others to the degree I need to.  I have found that I don't embody the traditional image that most Latter-day Saints hold up as a perfect Mormon Mother.  I never fully conform with the ideal promoted by most Mother's Day talks given over the pulpit on that day.    For that reason, Mother's Day always requires significant self-introspection.    Am I pleasing my Father in Heaven, in the use of my time and energies?  Am I near where I should be?  If I am not, can I return?  What is the price?  Am I willing to pay it?"

This year, I pondered those questions for over a week and even asked my married children to spend Mother's Day with their own families or their in-laws on Sunday because I still hadn't answered those questions sufficiently.  They ignored my requests, gathered and honored me and the mothers in our family anyway.  The cause of my sadness was that I worried that I had ruffled too many feathers, offended too often and too easily by sharing my thoughts too often.   I wished that I been more consecrated, more careful, made fewer mistakes.  I was not the woman, I believe I could have been, should have been. 

Mother’s Day has come and gone and I have my equilibrium back.  I pondered my favorite Mother’s Day talk which was given by my daughter Shanelle, years ago.  She said, “Because my mother was imperfect, and was open about that fact, she taught me that she needed a Savior.  That made it okay for me to need him too.”  I considered all the Mother’s Day talks I heard at church last Sunday.  Many promoted a good mother is one who sacrifices, who serves untiringly and loves unconditionally.  But, is that enough?  Is being nice enough?  I believe, it is not enough.  It is to do what is needed to establish a personal connection to heaven to the point that we can take the spirit for our guide.  It is to realize that we will see through a glass darkly as the Apostle Paul explains and we will go forward making the best decisions we can based on those feelings and that which is promoted by prophets.  It is to have the courage not to meet every request made of us, but rather to focus on that which is crucial to the development of our faith and that of our family’s.   It is a willingness to say that which is not popular, a willingness to offend for His sake.  But, to say those things in meekness and with love unfeigned.  It is to allow agency to those around us to worship who and in what manner they choose, but not compromise our values in the process.  It is a delicate balance only achieved as we avail ourselves of the influence of the Holy Ghost.  It is a willingness to have difficult, but respectful discussions.   It is to check in with the Lord each morning for help and guidance and to return, report and repent each evening. 

I realized that my days of  “mothering” will never be complete, though I am now the mother of adult children as my youngest will turn 18 soon.  My foremost desire is that being a mother will be my eternal job description.
I feel there are many ways to support and promote the importance of motherhood by both men and women, even women who have never married, are divorced or have not had the opportunity to bear children.   I didn't know that I would feel impressed to return graduate school 30 years later and I hope to use what I have learned to strengthen families.   In going back to school,  I didn’t realize how unpopular a conservative posture would be in most academic circles  these days.   This video made me laugh as a result of my recent educational experience:  https://youtu.be/iKcWu0tsiZM  The thing I have learned is that if our children are not well grounded in faith before they leave their homes, they will not be equal to the challenges their testimonies will face as they further their educations.

Someday, I hope to be welcomed home to the plaudit: "Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee  ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord", (Matthew 25:21). 

Surely the most important of these things is the bearing and rearing of children. 

The following questions may reveal why the gospel fails to sometimes bring us the peace and progress we hope for:

• For those who are mothers, do we judge our worthiness as a mother by the strength of your children's testimonies and consistency of their good behavior?
• As a woman, do we measure our worth solely by the feedback we receive from others as to the worthiness of our offerings?
• Have we given up on others' capacities to make needed changes?  Do we believe we have the capacity to make needed changes?
• Do we feel our happiness is limited by the choices that others around us are currently making? 

I believe that answering affirmatively to the any of the above questions indicates we have not wholly understood the  potential of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30). 

I bear witness that involving the Lord more in the details of our life will ease our burdens and increase our joy in being a woman and in all other aspects of our lives. 

 

What I Want My Children to Know

Reflections after my first year of graduate school.  What I want my children to know:

It has been a momentous year for me and such a privilege to sneak in a graduate degree in my old age.  I have loved learning more about social work, social advocacy and myself.  I also had some interesting things thrown in the mix that I didn’t anticipate.  I was able to defend the rights of those who have religious and moral views.  They were  virtually the only ones who weren’t being treated with respect in the academic community, for they are considered responsible for most of the oppression in the world.  I would never have known how strong the adversary’s hold is on the hearts of the children of men without this experience.  I have never seen the words of the scriptures and the words of the prophets so utterly fulfilled wherein evil was called good and good evil.  Yet, I could see the view from those who experience oppression more clearly, as well as the importance of agency.  If we remain on the sidelines and fail to promote God and His ways, we are not going to prove valiant in the testimony of Christ.  There is no way to do that effectively and have our efforts consecrated to our gain without a connection to heaven, or from a position of pride.  There is no way to have a connection to heaven unless we are living our lives in a way that the spirit is operable in our lives.  I know the capacity of the righteous to afflict.  If I were to say which experiences in my life were the most difficult to bear, I would say they involved “righteous” individuals. 

One of the things we talk about frequently in graduate school are the fruits of faulty thinking.  For Christian individuals, the desire to be a good Christian is often uppermost in our minds.  We see growing evil and we don’t want to be swept away.  We are aware that this is a time of winnowing and a day of choosing, just as it was in the meridian of time.  As I get older, there are some observations I have made as to what might be stumbling blocks to progress among those who desire to prove faithful.  There is often a difference between culture and doctrine; there is often truth mixed with the philosophies of men.  They include what I like to call incomplete recipes, which can become our default mode and often negate the need for greater reliance upon the spirit.  It is often the subtle things that get in the way of the peace that is promised to the faithful. 

My daughters who are also attending school at this time.

A few of those stumbling blocks that preclude peace and spiritual progress:

1.       Believing that the most prudent thing to do is always the worthiest thing to do.  Prudence is not a complete recipe for faithfulness.  We often think in terms of the greater the sacrifice, the greater the ultimate reward.  We need to remember that prudence isn’t always referred to in a positive way in the scriptures.  We would never have had children or had the courage to move into our various homes, if we waited until we could afford them.  Yet, the spirit was strong in telling us where and when to move and when to bear.  I see a recurring theme in the scriptures, often the righteous had a choice between prudence and the exercise of their faith. 
2.       Seeking to avoid offending others at all costs.  If we see a bully, we need to speak up.  We need to not turn a blind eye, when someone is doing something illegal or immoral.  To say or do nothing, is to offend God.  Those unwilling to offend, cannot please God.  The trick is to avoid offending needlessly or being blind to our own weakness or selfishness.  Again, the spirit can help us know when and what to say and how to say it.
3.       Desiring to provide a “Disneyland” childhood for our children.  One thing I have observed is that children enjoy doing service.  I have never seen a happier child than my grandson Henry when he is helping me wash windows or Andrew when he is washing the car with me.  Of course, those things involve water and a trigger.   Cell phones are not entitlements, they are privileges.  Too many families are over scheduled in the pursuit of fun, for the benefit of their children.  However, they can end up producing entitled, self-centered children, the very opposite of their intention.  I am seeing this across the board in families in general.  I feel it was almost a blessing, we didn’t have lots of money to go to exotic places and have lots of expensive toys.  Less is often more.
4.      Putting other things ahead of family.  Many serve the community at large at the expense of their families.  This list is literally endless as to the things that compete with things that matter most.   There needs to an order of priority to our service and the spirit will help us in that order.   There is even an order as to family obligations.  For example, Bryan and I have a greater obligation for children at home than for those who are married.   I was often torn between serving my children and my widowed mother.  With prayer, I found that I could serve my mother with my children in tow.  Many find it easier to love and serve a stranger than a difficult family member. 
5.      Avoiding difficult or substantive conversations.   I am a broken record  as to this subject.  If there is one thing I would change, even in my family where we gather frequently, it would be to have even more frequent and meaningful conversations.  Meaningful conversations require we do some homework on our own and they require a time and place to have those conversations.  My oldest daughter Jeanette and I have seen the powerful effects of that premise of gathering and sharing while attending college this year.  You study and then gather to share.  There must be a “buy in”, however.  To get the grade, we must participate.  In this process, we see and learn things we are unable to learn alone.  I believe it is the very foundation of Zion.  It is something that should be primarily taking place between couples and children living at home.  But, I hope you will consider it with both sides of your extended families of origin.   I had a class assignment that almost killed me this semester.  It was a “group project”.  I had a few migraines because of it.  One man didn’t do his part, so we did it for him and then he came through at the last minute which necessitated a total revision of the entire paper.  I don’t know the result of our grade yet, but I do know that I learned more from that project that any other assignment this entire year.  I had things to share they needed and they brought skills, knowledge and perspectives that I couldn’t have arrived at on my own.  Even the "slacker" made an incredible contribution and changed the tide of the research project.  It is never too late to join in.  There is no one so bright, so righteous, that they don’t need others in their family to help smooth off the rough edges.  Families are under attack, yet family is the very vehicle that can help refine and prepare us most for eternity.   I sincerely believe that each member of a family is there for a reason, both for what that individual can receive and what they can give.  We often learn the most from the very ones who provide us the most stretching. 

Love, Mom

What are your most important identies?

My daughters and I watched the LDS Women's Conference last night.  Addie joined us for the first time as she is 8 years old today. 

This past week for my graduate social work reflexive class, I was asked to ponder my three most important identities that I think about most.  As I considered this assignment, I choose the following in order of importance.  The first was that I identify myself as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The second was my identity as a woman.  The third was that of being an older adult.  Then we were to discuss how these three identities intersect with one another.  I wrote the following about that intersection: 

“These three identities consistently intersect in my life and “function simultaneously”, (Riggs, 2013, p. 229).   My religious socialization led me to want to be the healthiest I could be physically, socially, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.   It included become educated, knowledgeable of governments, language and even manners.    My religious beliefs defined what it meant to be a woman and ordered my priorities of first loving God, putting family next and then striving to become a good neighbor and citizen.  It helped define my focus as an older person who, sooner than later, will meet my maker and be judged as one who was either valiant in the testimony of Jesus Christ or not.  I believe that living a righteous, holy life will make one worthy of an ultimate belonging to and place in God’s family in the world to come.  I have read and written much about the establishment of Zion.  To be worthy of a Zion society, one must be pure in heart and willing to prove that that he or she will love and serve the Lord at every hazard and serve their fellow man.  The main premise of Zion is that there should be no rich or poor among them, thus you can’t promote Zion without promoting equality.  That goal, to me, can partially be accomplished by seeking the betterment of all mankind in the social work profession.”

Next, we were to explain each identity in terms of whether these were oppressed identities or not.  You have to consider that every reference to the word, “patriarchy” is considered consistent with extreme oppression in social justice courses.    My answer:

The advantages of memberships in these groups, I feel, have outweighed any disadvantages to me.  I enjoy being older.  My being true to LDS religious beliefs helped me to honor my commitments to my marriage vows and I feel this positively impacted the emotional security of my children.  Being true to LDS health standards, I believed increased both my physical and emotional capacities in positive ways.  I am free of any addictions to substances, gambling or pornography.   Because of a focus on service, I sought to improve others’ circumstances.  One primary interest was in helping children at risk beginning in my twenties before marriage and again in my mid-fifties.   I feel strongly it is possible to be a good social worker and have strong religious convictions.   One of the dogmas I believe in, is that everyone should be free to live according to the “dictates of their own conscience”, (Smith, Joseph, 1838, The Articles of Faith 11).   I have always had challenges to my beliefs and limited persecution.  On two occasions, I was an object of discrimination in the work place because I was both older and female.

That response so inadequately portrays my incredible gratitude for the freedoms that are mine because I know that as a woman, my most important contributions to society center on fulfilling my roles as wife and mother.  Though we were limited to one income for thirty years, and at times could only afford to frost one in three homemade cakes, it was well worth any sacrifice we made.  We didn’t have money for the latest and greatest gaming.  We only made it to Disneyland a few times.  But, to have gathered up my little ones and taken them to Day Care would have ripped out my heart.  To have additional priesthood responsibilities would have been oppressive.  I had plenty to do and I didn’t feel at all lacking for something in my life to feel fulfilled.  What I was doing required my best thoughts, my finest efforts and study, and my most sincere prayers.  When it is necessary to be a working mother, due to unusual circumstances, God has a way of making that up to both you and your children. But, I felt that no talent or potential good I could have been in society or positive attention I thought I might bring to the Church or mankind in general, was more important than this.   I didn’t come to earth to say or do things that would make people like me.  I came to earth to bear witness of those things that I believe will bring happiness and peace in this life and Eternal Life in the world to come.  I love being a woman, I subscribe to the doctrine and teachings of the LDS faith and I am hoping, in this season of my life, to learn and do those things that will better prepare me to meet God.

With love, Vicki Robinson

Oppression vs. Freedom

Things have changed since we first went to college in the 70's

I have appreciated the readings I've been assigned in my graduate social work classes about the history of oppression in America.  It has taken generations for Americans to see how “justice for all” applies to all races, national origins, religious affiliations, genders and sexual orientations.  At least I thought we were making consistent progress toward that end as a nation, until recently.   What sometimes saddens me is that the oppressed sometimes look for and find someone else to oppress.  Every few years my husband buys baby chicks as we raise our own eggs.  I hate the pecking order.  One poor chicken is always the low "chick" on the totem pole. 

I feel there is always a place for character and respect, for decorum and sensitivity.  Our classroom climate feels  etter to me the last few weeks, since my professor decided to ask class members to subdue their language in class at my suggestion.  This class in particular had reached a level of casualness and frequent use of profanity that I felt was interfering with, not enhancing the learning process.  I had previously shared with him that I was uncomfortable with how frequently the F-word was used in our weekly class.  We still have a few, interestingly mostly women, who continue to use the word at least once each time we meet.  My question is whether or not there are circumstances, where they refrain from using it and what would those circumstances be.  It turns out, after doing some research, that their right to use whatever language they choose does transcend my right, and others like me, to be in a learning atmosphere that we feel is appropriate for a university classroom.  To secure good grades and an MSW degree, must we attend a class where daily hearing profanity can be part of the deal and what are our options?

. 

Audrie, left, will soon be applying to Graduate School

Alyse, out youngest daughter, will be applying for college next year.

Jonathan, our grandson, will attend  after he returns from his LDS mission in Madagasgar.

Would I recommend a "green light" institution?

I know we as university students have a code of conduct we are to abide by and I wondered if profanity was addressed in that code and did that standard differ from university to university.  This topic has been an interesting one to research.  I learned that use of profanity wasn't addressed in my school's code.  I wondered whether it is addressed at other schools.  As I googled the topic, use of profanity in colleges and universities, I happened upon the following link that explains whether your college is a green, yellow or red light school, as pertaining to free speech:  https://www.thefire.org/spotlight-on-speech-codes-2017/  I learned that my school was considered a green light school. 

It has been interesting to feel among a cultural minority because of my conservative views about language and at the mercy of the majority and existing laws and standards.  I suddenly thought of an experience I had 40 years ago, while working at DCFS.   It was an option that a supervisor came up with.  I had never complained or said anything to him about my values.  He just knew.  We would have weekly staff meetings and after all essential items on the agenda were covered, he would invite me to leave if I would like.   He said, we are now going to exchange some information that you might find offensive.  (They sometimes liked to share off color jokes.) I simply thanked him and gratefully went to my desk.

I have included some of the things I found during my research:

Martin v. Parrish, 805 F.2d 583 (5th Cir. 1986)

The court upheld the dismissal of an economics instructor, holding that his use of profane language in a college classroom did not fall within the scope of First Amendment protection because it did not constitute speech on matters of public concern, and the language in question "was not germane to the subject matter in his class and had no educational function." In addition, the language was not protected because "it was a deliberate, superfluous attack on a 'captive audience' with no academic purpose or justification."

I also learned that the University of Southern Mississippi specifically addresses language as part of their school's code of conduct.  They are designated a yellow light school since adding a free speech and assembly policy in 2016.
https://www.usm.edu/about 

THE CREED AT SOUTHERN MISS

I belong to a community of scholars at The University of Southern Mississippi.

I will demonstrate integrity and determination in all academic pursuits.

I will appreciate the value of differences among people, customs and viewpoints and oppose hatred, bigotry and bias toward others.

I will exhibit behavior and choose language that demonstrates respect for fellow members of the Southern Miss community.

I will respect others by honoring their rights, privacy and belongings.

I will value human dignity in my academic, social and employment settings.

I commit to exhibiting civil behavior, demonstrating responsible citizenry, and doing my part to achieve a positive and secure living and learning environment for all.

This school however, just recently added the following: 

 Free Speech and Assembly Policy

 Free Speech and Assembly Policy, July 2016

A. The University has established high visibility areas on campus in order to facilitate robust debate and the free exchange of ideas. These “free speech zones” may be used by any person, including non-students and other campus guests:

a. Weathersby Lawn

b. Union Plaza 14

c. Shoemaker Square

d. Kennard-Washington Lawn

e. Centennial Lawn

B. These may be used without permission from the University so long as the area has not been previously reserved or scheduled for a particular function, no sound amplification is used, no structure is erected, and the participants do not violate other University policies. For a person using these free speech zones to obtain prior permission, they should visit the Dean of Students’ office 48 hours in advance in order to make adequate arrangements for safety and security and to insure the space desired is available. Any speaker may be denied or asked to leave if the proposed speech would constitute an immediate and serious danger to the institution's orderly operation by the speaker's incitement of such actions by:

1. The willful damage or destruction or seizure and subversion of the institution's buildings or other property;

2. The forcible disruption or impairment or interference with the institution's regularly scheduled classes or other educational functions;

3. The physical harm, coercion, intimidation or other invasion of lawful rights of the institution's officials, faculty members or students;

4. Other campus disorder of a violent nature. Nothing in this section shall be interpreted as limiting the right of student expression elsewhere on the campus so long as the expressive activities or related student conduct does not violate any other applicable University policies.

https://youtu.be/fjKjU5UHMb0  Here is a video that includes their creed and reasons for language standards.  I loved the standards they encourage. 

I recall sharing in class that I didn’t think the use of explicit language to this degree would be found at other local MSW programs such as those offered at other local niversities.  It turns out I was right.  The Fire Organization website puts “Going Green” in a whole new context.  I learned that my university is among a minority of Universities throughout the United States that have earned a “Green Light” designation.  The Fire Organization calls this progress.  It is quite literally to have few, if any, bars on the tongue no matter how distressing it might be to the individuals present.  They go into detail about free speech zones and their current efforts to make all universities “Green”.