Our family ten years ago
Some of our mothers and future mothers today.
My two youngest daughters with my oldest grandchild
My sweet husband of 40 years
I think the question and discomfort always centers on whether I feel I am doing what I need to in respect to mothering. Being LDS, we have specific doctrine that identifies the importance of this calling for women. It is a foundational belief that I do not doubt. I recalled having the importance of this principle reaffirmed to me back in the 80's. I'd had a dream that let me know in no uncertain terms that I was to continue to make this calling a priority. When then President of the LDS Church, Ezra Taft Benson, reaffirmed the importance of this doctrine, it was further confirmation of what I already knew. emp.byui.edu/WILLIAMSG/Talks/etb_tothemothers.htm Though I was committed to helping children at risk prior to marriage, was Phi Beta Kappa, and had both a teaching degree and a social service worker's license, I knew my greatest contribution to society would be in putting the majority of my energies into rearing children in the home. I had even begun part time graduate studies at that time just two nights a week, but when it came time to take them to Day Care for two full days, so I could complete the practicum portion, everything in my being told me this was not the season in my life to do that. During my prayers, a succinct thought came to my mind with clarity. "Right now I could use you more without a master's degree than with one." I ended my graduate studies. By far, rearing children full time was the best use of my time and energies through the years.
So back to the question at hand, am I being the kind of mother that I need to be. Am I promoting this doctrine and sound doctrine to others to the degree I need to. I have found that I don't embody the traditional image that most Latter-day Saints hold up as a perfect Mormon Mother. I never fully conform with the ideal promoted by most Mother's Day talks given over the pulpit on that day. For that reason, Mother's Day always requires significant self-introspection. Am I pleasing my Father in Heaven, in the use of my time and energies? Am I near where I should be? If I am not, can I return? What is the price? Am I willing to pay it?"
This year, I pondered those questions for over a week and even asked my married children to spend Mother's Day with their own families or their in-laws on Sunday because I still hadn't answered those questions sufficiently. They ignored my requests, gathered and honored me and the mothers in our family anyway. The cause of my sadness was that I worried that I had ruffled too many feathers, offended too often and too easily by sharing my thoughts too often. I wished that I been more consecrated, more careful, made fewer mistakes. I was not the woman, I believe I could have been, should have been.
Mother’s Day has come and gone and I have my equilibrium back. I pondered my favorite Mother’s Day talk which was given by my daughter Shanelle, years ago. She said, “Because my mother was imperfect, and was open about that fact, she taught me that she needed a Savior. That made it okay for me to need him too.” I considered all the Mother’s Day talks I heard at church last Sunday. Many promoted a good mother is one who sacrifices, who serves untiringly and loves unconditionally. But, is that enough? Is being nice enough? I believe, it is not enough. It is to do what is needed to establish a personal connection to heaven to the point that we can take the spirit for our guide. It is to realize that we will see through a glass darkly as the Apostle Paul explains and we will go forward making the best decisions we can based on those feelings and that which is promoted by prophets. It is to have the courage not to meet every request made of us, but rather to focus on that which is crucial to the development of our faith and that of our family’s. It is a willingness to say that which is not popular, a willingness to offend for His sake. But, to say those things in meekness and with love unfeigned. It is to allow agency to those around us to worship who and in what manner they choose, but not compromise our values in the process. It is a delicate balance only achieved as we avail ourselves of the influence of the Holy Ghost. It is a willingness to have difficult, but respectful discussions. It is to check in with the Lord each morning for help and guidance and to return, report and repent each evening.
I realized that my days of “mothering” will never be complete, though I am now the mother of adult children as my youngest will turn 18 soon. My foremost desire is that being a mother will be my eternal job description.
I feel there are many ways to support and promote the importance of motherhood by both men and women, even women who have never married, are divorced or have not had the opportunity to bear children. I didn't know that I would feel impressed to return graduate school 30 years later and I hope to use what I have learned to strengthen families. In going back to school, I didn’t realize how unpopular a conservative posture would be in most academic circles these days. This video made me laugh as a result of my recent educational experience: https://youtu.be/iKcWu0tsiZM The thing I have learned is that if our children are not well grounded in faith before they leave their homes, they will not be equal to the challenges their testimonies will face as they further their educations.
So back to the question at hand, am I being the kind of mother that I need to be. Am I promoting this doctrine and sound doctrine to others to the degree I need to. I have found that I don't embody the traditional image that most Latter-day Saints hold up as a perfect Mormon Mother. I never fully conform with the ideal promoted by most Mother's Day talks given over the pulpit on that day. For that reason, Mother's Day always requires significant self-introspection. Am I pleasing my Father in Heaven, in the use of my time and energies? Am I near where I should be? If I am not, can I return? What is the price? Am I willing to pay it?"
This year, I pondered those questions for over a week and even asked my married children to spend Mother's Day with their own families or their in-laws on Sunday because I still hadn't answered those questions sufficiently. They ignored my requests, gathered and honored me and the mothers in our family anyway. The cause of my sadness was that I worried that I had ruffled too many feathers, offended too often and too easily by sharing my thoughts too often. I wished that I been more consecrated, more careful, made fewer mistakes. I was not the woman, I believe I could have been, should have been.
Mother’s Day has come and gone and I have my equilibrium back. I pondered my favorite Mother’s Day talk which was given by my daughter Shanelle, years ago. She said, “Because my mother was imperfect, and was open about that fact, she taught me that she needed a Savior. That made it okay for me to need him too.” I considered all the Mother’s Day talks I heard at church last Sunday. Many promoted a good mother is one who sacrifices, who serves untiringly and loves unconditionally. But, is that enough? Is being nice enough? I believe, it is not enough. It is to do what is needed to establish a personal connection to heaven to the point that we can take the spirit for our guide. It is to realize that we will see through a glass darkly as the Apostle Paul explains and we will go forward making the best decisions we can based on those feelings and that which is promoted by prophets. It is to have the courage not to meet every request made of us, but rather to focus on that which is crucial to the development of our faith and that of our family’s. It is a willingness to say that which is not popular, a willingness to offend for His sake. But, to say those things in meekness and with love unfeigned. It is to allow agency to those around us to worship who and in what manner they choose, but not compromise our values in the process. It is a delicate balance only achieved as we avail ourselves of the influence of the Holy Ghost. It is a willingness to have difficult, but respectful discussions. It is to check in with the Lord each morning for help and guidance and to return, report and repent each evening.
I realized that my days of “mothering” will never be complete, though I am now the mother of adult children as my youngest will turn 18 soon. My foremost desire is that being a mother will be my eternal job description.
I feel there are many ways to support and promote the importance of motherhood by both men and women, even women who have never married, are divorced or have not had the opportunity to bear children. I didn't know that I would feel impressed to return graduate school 30 years later and I hope to use what I have learned to strengthen families. In going back to school, I didn’t realize how unpopular a conservative posture would be in most academic circles these days. This video made me laugh as a result of my recent educational experience: https://youtu.be/iKcWu0tsiZM The thing I have learned is that if our children are not well grounded in faith before they leave their homes, they will not be equal to the challenges their testimonies will face as they further their educations.
Someday, I hope to be welcomed home to the plaudit: "Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord", (Matthew 25:21).
Surely the most important of these things is the bearing and rearing of children.
The following questions may reveal why the gospel fails to sometimes bring us the peace and progress we hope for:
- For those who are mothers, do we judge our worthiness as a mother by the strength of your children's testimonies and consistency of their good behavior?
- As a woman, do we measure our worth solely by the feedback we receive from others as to the worthiness of our offerings?
- Have we given up on others' capacities to make needed changes? Do we believe we have the capacity to make needed changes?
- Do we feel our happiness is limited by the choices that others around us are currently making?
I believe that answering affirmatively to the any of the above questions indicates we have not wholly understood the potential of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).
I bear witness that involving the Lord more in the details of our life will ease our burdens and increase our joy in being a woman and in all other aspects of our lives.
