Reflections after my
first year of graduate school. What I
want my children to know:
It has been a momentous year for me and such a privilege to
sneak in a graduate degree in my old age.
I have loved learning more about social work, social advocacy and
myself. I also had some interesting
things thrown in the mix that I didn’t anticipate. I was able to defend the rights of those who have
religious and moral views. They were virtually the
only ones who weren’t being treated with respect in the academic community, for
they are considered responsible for most of the oppression in the world. I would never have known how strong the
adversary’s hold is on the hearts of the children of men without this
experience. I have never seen the words
of the scriptures and the words of the prophets so utterly fulfilled wherein evil was called good and good evil. Yet, I could see the view from those who experience
oppression more clearly, as well as the importance of agency. If we remain on the
sidelines and fail to promote God and His ways, we are not going to prove
valiant in the testimony of Christ.
There is no way to do that effectively and have our efforts consecrated
to our gain without a connection to heaven, or from a position of pride.
There is no way to have a connection to heaven unless we are living our
lives in a way that the spirit is operable in our lives. I know the capacity of the righteous to
afflict. If I were to say which
experiences in my life were the most difficult to bear, I would say they
involved “righteous” individuals.
One of the things we talk about frequently in graduate
school are the fruits of faulty thinking.
For Christian individuals, the desire to be a good Christian is often
uppermost in our minds. We see growing
evil and we don’t want to be swept away.
We are aware that this is a time of winnowing and a day of choosing,
just as it was in the meridian of time. As
I get older, there are some observations I have made as to what might be
stumbling blocks to progress among those who desire to prove faithful. There is often a difference between culture
and doctrine; there is often truth mixed with the philosophies of men. They include what I like to call incomplete recipes, which
can become our default mode and often negate the need for greater reliance upon
the spirit. It is often the subtle
things that get in the way of the peace that is promised to the faithful.
My daughters who are also attending school at this time.
A few of those
stumbling blocks that preclude peace and spiritual progress:
2. Seeking to avoid offending others at all costs. If we see a bully, we need to speak up. We need to not turn a blind eye, when someone is doing something illegal or immoral. To say or do nothing, is to offend God. Those unwilling to offend, cannot please God. The trick is to avoid offending needlessly or being blind to our own weakness or selfishness. Again, the spirit can help us know when and what to say and how to say it.
3. Desiring to provide a “Disneyland” childhood for our children. One thing I have observed is that children enjoy doing service. I have never seen a happier child than my grandson Henry when he is helping me wash windows or Andrew when he is washing the car with me. Of course, those things involve water and a trigger. Cell phones are not entitlements, they are privileges. Too many families are over scheduled in the pursuit of fun, for the benefit of their children. However, they can end up producing entitled, self-centered children, the very opposite of their intention. I am seeing this across the board in families in general. I feel it was almost a blessing, we didn’t have lots of money to go to exotic places and have lots of expensive toys. Less is often more.
4. Putting other things ahead of family. Many serve the community at large at the expense of their families. This list is literally endless as to the things that compete with things that matter most. There needs to an order of priority to our service and the spirit will help us in that order. There is even an order as to family obligations. For example, Bryan and I have a greater obligation for children at home than for those who are married. I was often torn between serving my children and my widowed mother. With prayer, I found that I could serve my mother with my children in tow. Many find it easier to love and serve a stranger than a difficult family member.
5. Avoiding difficult or substantive conversations. I am a broken record as to this subject. If there is one thing I would change, even in my family where we gather frequently, it would be to have even more frequent and meaningful conversations. Meaningful conversations require we do some homework on our own and they require a time and place to have those conversations. My oldest daughter Jeanette and I have seen the powerful effects of that premise of gathering and sharing while attending college this year. You study and then gather to share. There must be a “buy in”, however. To get the grade, we must participate. In this process, we see and learn things we are unable to learn alone. I believe it is the very foundation of Zion. It is something that should be primarily taking place between couples and children living at home. But, I hope you will consider it with both sides of your extended families of origin. I had a class assignment that almost killed me this semester. It was a “group project”. I had a few migraines because of it. One man didn’t do his part, so we did it for him and then he came through at the last minute which necessitated a total revision of the entire paper. I don’t know the result of our grade yet, but I do know that I learned more from that project that any other assignment this entire year. I had things to share they needed and they brought skills, knowledge and perspectives that I couldn’t have arrived at on my own. Even the "slacker" made an incredible contribution and changed the tide of the research project. It is never too late to join in. There is no one so bright, so righteous, that they don’t need others in their family to help smooth off the rough edges. Families are under attack, yet family is the very vehicle that can help refine and prepare us most for eternity. I sincerely believe that each member of a family is there for a reason, both for what that individual can receive and what they can give. We often learn the most from the very ones who provide us the most stretching.
