A Case For Submission

 

 

Not too long ago, I was invited to play the role of a somewhat assertive, controlling mother to an adult son in a web series.  To my surprise, this role was quite easy for me.   I don't think this was a surprise to either my husband or children.   I knew my children usually asked for Mom when they needed an advocate because, as we all know, a mother bear can be a formidable foe.  After all, some of my real adult roles in my old age have required a significant amount of boldness and assertion as I investigated child abuse and taught Youth in Custody.  But how important is submission to the life of a Christian?  How important is it in the life of an LDS woman?  Can a woman be both assertive and submissive at the same time or are these personality traits mutually exclusive?  This is actually my response to those women in the LDS church who are currently petitioning to have all the privileges that the men have, who are not as yet enjoying the privileges that are potentially theirs: 

 

Vicki as Victoria in "Think Outside the Blog"

The importance of submission and order was demonstrated in an article I read years ago about a clipper ship that broke a 140 year old sailing record.  Two men had taken a voyage from San Francisco to Boston in 69 days, 19 1/2 hours.  The clipper, Northern Light, had taken this same voyage in 1853 in 76 days and six hours.  The two men said they battled waves 18 feet high while passing Bermuda, but what would have threatened them most were disagreements that potentially could have flared up "into big problems", they said.  What prevented the latter from happening was that prior to their voyage, "there was always a clear understanding that Wilson was in command, Biewenga said."  Having a designated order in businesses, organizations and even the family helps things run well.  When it comes to things relating to the gospel of Jesus Christ, submission is not only functional, but sanctifying.  But to whom and what should we be subject to?

 

The Clipper Ship "Northern Light"

As our children grew, in spite our fair share of sibling rivalries and temper tantrums, they increased in their capacities for obedience. My son Brett, for example, was very bright and capable of debate and argument; he was nonetheless submissive and obedient to us as parents.  He understood that he needed to be submissive, not because his parents were perfect, but because he wanted the blessings that would come from honoring his parents.

 

The importance of submission to ecclesiastical leaders was reinforced to me when our local church leaders assigned everyone to read the Book of Mormon in one month's time.  I was pretty excited about that as others could learn to love that book as much as I did.  I was the gospel doctrine teacher at the time.  For some unknown reason, I thought I didn't need to complete the assignment as I already read it daily.  As the days went by, ward members would call me up and share wonderful insights about what they were reading.  Day by day, I felt a growing uneasiness that usually signaled I was in need of significant repentance.   I simply couldn't figure out what was causing me such spiritual discomfort.  I finally prayed about this feeling.  While on my knees, another ward member called and shared yet another uplifting experience.  I finally figured it out.  I am usually quite submissive, for the same reasons my son was.  I wondered how I could read the book with so many small children, so much to do and only one week left to complete the assignment.  Just then, my toddler walked in with a tape recorder, the same one you see in Toy Story, and handed it to me.   I simply listened to the Book of Mormon using tapes and thus completed the assignment.  That uncomfortable feeling diminished.

My thoughts about wives submitting to their husbands changed a bit when my sister once tried an interesting experiment for a month.  She decided she would really treat her husband as if he were the Lord of their home.  She confessed she anticipated he would love her more because of this focus, but what surprised her was that her love for him grew as a result of her efforts.  Sadly, there are those men who believe that the Patriarchal order implies that men are more important or holy than women.  The Prophet Joseph declared:  "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.  Hence many are called and few are chosen.  No power or influence ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned, (D&C 121:39-41)."  Submission, of course, does not require we act against moral or civil law, but the importance of the  patriarchal order was reaffirmed in the Garden of Eden as the Lord commanded Eve,  ". . . thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, (Moses 4:22)."  I think there may be hidden power in this practice.  I have always liked the thoughts of Goethe:  How we see people, is how we treat them, how we treat them is what they become." 

 

The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 In in the book of Ether, as recorded in the Book of Mormon, Jared relates what happened to his family during the erection of the Tower of Babel.   It is clear that the brother of Jared is the ecclesiastical or political head of his family.  It is also clear that Jared was subject to him, but had the greater gift of prophecy.  These two brothers and their interaction show what is possible when the rules of submission are followed in faith.  Jared meekly shared his ideas and inspiration with his brother and the brother of Jared was open to his ideas and prayerfully considered them.  The result was delivery and progress.  I simply consider what is possible in a family where both husband and wife work together in this manner. 

In our lives we sometimes feel at the mercy of either those who have stewardship over us or at the mercy of those over whom we have stewardship.  We are not measured by whether others choose the paths we think are best, but rather that we gave them the best opportunities to make the best choices.  Perhaps process trumps outcome; but as we try to more perfectly employ the process, we begin to see the power of the gospel at work.  I had a time in my life when requests and desires to please others seemed more than I could handle.  I had a passel of children and a newly widowed mother.  She wanted her two daughters' company on a daily basis, but could not handle the activity and fussiness of small children.  When I stayed home to be a good mother, I felt I was neglecting my mother and when I spent the day with her, I felt I was neglecting my children.  I began to somewhat resent my mother's constant requests.  I looked far in my future to the time I was a widow and I thought about one of my daughters being faced with this same dilemma.  I suddenly knew the answer.  I wouldn't want her to try and please me in this thing, but rather please God.  I took this concern and gave it to God.  I would pray daily about my service and I would get a feeling to either stay home with my children or go visit my mother.  Much of the time, I felt to go see my mother, but take my little ones with me.  Our half hour drives to and then from her home became some of our best time together as little ones slept and I visited with the older ones.  The kids were amazing on those days, a tender mercy.  I explained to my mother who was still in good health, that I could only come a couple times a week.  She complained that she would have to "go to the old folks' home", which meant  visit the Senior Citizen's Center.  She did go there twice a week and actually formed friendships and even did some dating.  What surprised me most was how my feelings towards my mother grew in love and tenderness.  I began to realize the promises made in the scriptures that as we come unto Christ and learn of Him that His yoke would be easy and His burden light, (see Matthew 11:28-30).e most was how my feelings t

Some of my greatest blessings have come when I submitted to the will of my husband in patience and faith in family decisions.  Some of his greatest blessings have come when he has prayerfully considered what I was feeling impressed to share.  One of those times occurred when we were short on finances.  I had earnestly prayed over our circumstance, because I wanted so desperately to stay home with our young children as the prophets had counseled.  One night, I dreamed that we bought a new car and this helped our circumstance.  This made no sense, even to me, but I still shared this dream with Bryan.  He initially thought this could not be inspiration, but the more he thought about it, something began to click.  We ended up selling our car which was paid for.  We then paid off all of our then current debts.  We purchased a very efficient diesel Chevette which got over 50 miles to the gallon.  During that time, Bryan was compensated for mileage at work.  We actually made money each month during the length of that loan. Our greatest challenges resulted when these principles were not adhered to. 

 

 

I believe the words of Samuel the prophet, apply both in conditions of submission to those set over us, as well as the commands of God.  "Behold, to obey is greater than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams, (1 Samuel 15:22)."  The greatest submission is found in submitting more perfectly to the will of God and involving Him in our daily decisions.  Our favorite family scripture begins with the admonition, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good. . . (Alma 37:37)."   Perhaps, in that effort, we will realize an even increased ability to love Him and those around us.

 

 

 

 

Currently, there are lots of Mommy Blogs written by those young mothers who are delighting in the joy and challenges of parenthood, but not so many "mother blogs" written by older women who are no longer in the hot and heavy of child rearing.  The protocol and script for these days are often not so clearly defined, but are filled with unlimited potential.

Those days of young mothering were happy and intense days for me.  The challenge of trying to establish some degree of order in my home, keeping little ones fed and safe and actually getting to the point of putting on some makeup before my husband came home from work was enough excitement for me for decades.  I was not one who looked at glamorous executive peers who got to go to work each day and wish I were them.  This was my world, it was what I had always aspired to be.  I spent a cumulative time of 96 months pregnant which resulted in 10 beautiful children and fourteen and counting grandchildren.  I had two early miscarriages.   I spent a cumulative 17 years being a nursing mother, give or take.  I can't even begin to calculate how many soccer games I attended, but enough to see seven of my children play high school soccer and my boys all play University Soccer.   I almost had children in four decades as my first children were born in the 70's and my last child was due on January 7, 2000.  Fortunately, she came a few weeks early.  I anticipated I could have had the first child of the new millennium and could see just the headlines:  Very Old Woman has New Years Baby.  I was 46 at the time.

I wasn't one to just have as many children as I could biologically produce as it might seem.  We didn't wait to have our first child as we had taken the advice of then current prophets to heart.  Our first child, Jeanette was born almost 11 months after our wedding day.  She was a beautiful baby with dark hair.  I had seen her in a dream almost 18 months prior.   I was teaching English at a local Junior High School.  That was a difficult time for me as I was not certified to teach English and it wasn't even one of my favorite subjects.  I was so stressed I didn't have a period for nine months.  One night I dreamed that angels came to administer to me and fix the problem.  Then, in the dream I saw myself deliver the most beautiful, dark haired baby girl, I had ever seen.   In the morning, my period had resumed and a few weeks later, I met her father. 

I thought I had experienced challenging occupations in my young life.  As I had said, I had been a first year teacher and I had also investigated child abuse until the week before she was born.  But, nothing could prepare me for the challenges of parenthood.  Jeanette was extremely fussy as a baby and didn't sleep much day or night.  She would only cat nap.  I remember being  so utterly sleep deprived.  My sweet husband would take her to our unfinished basement and trying to calm her so I could rest.  But, I could still hear her.  Yet, 11 months later, after the colic subsided, we began talking about the next child.  This one would end up being a boy and thankfully, he didn't have colic. 

This blog is not going to be a detailed description of motherhood.  But it is going to be used as a vehicle to share what I have learned during my years of mothering.   This will be coming from someone who isn't awesome, who hasn't survived what others would consider monumental challenges, who doesn't hold a calling or position of renown, who isn't considered popular, talented or gifted.  The only things that qualify me to share is that I have a deep and abiding testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I love being a woman and finally,  I am happy.  During those many years of nursing, I studied the gospel and I also developed a habit of daily journaling.

About 18 years ago, I changed the nature of my prayers.  Daily, I included three requests:  Please teach me what I am prepared to understand.  Please teach me what I need to repent of most at this time and finally, help me determine the best use of my time today.   On the days I sincerely meant those things and even wrote down what I thought I was hearing, I felt a sense of peace and progression.  And there was one more prayer that I uttered early in the year of 2001.  It was:  "Father, whatever it takes".  I gave Him permission to bring into my life whatever challenges and experiences I might need in order to know Him fully and had the potential to lead me to Eternal Life.   I found there was no going back on that request.  I am in that course and it is the toughest thing you will ever learn to love.  I have had challenges that for me were hard to bear.  They are as Neal Maxwell taught, "Designed to wring and wrench us".    During these years, I have summarized some of the lessons I have learned.  It is as if the Lord took every principle I thought I knew and rewrote it for me in my heart.  I learned about parenthood, service, repentance, faith, about Mother Eve, etc. etc.  While it seemed new to me, each principle was clearly written in the scriptures, taught in the temple ordinances and were rooted in the first ordinances and principles of the gospel. 

I won't be sharing deep doctrine, but rather simple doctrines on specific topics.  I'd love your feedback.  Sharing is a crucial component of the gospel.  As a teacher, I learned that principles are solidified in the process of sharing.  Our family also has a blog where we share what we are learning and I invite you to peruse that one as well.  http://anordinarymormonfamily.blogspot.com/

I am so excited to be at the age I am at and as I have said before, immensely grateful for one more day to prepare for Eternity. 

Love, Vicki Robinson