New Year's Resolutions

Me, with my husband Bryan and our youngest, Alyse 

 

This time of year always lends itself to great reflection.  What did I learn this past year?  What would I like to happen next year?  What will I change?  What will I add or delete?  Most importantly, what will I maintain?

 

The first thing I would recommend for myself and others is to maintain and nurture our relationships, especially with our spouses and family members.  I have often said the greatest joys and challenges lie in family life.  It expands the level of pain and happiness we can experience by leaps and bounds.  Three of my children had babies for the first time this year.   It has been so sweet to see the cycle of life repeating.  For the first time, they have insight into how much we, as a couple, love them, as our children never quite feel the same way we feel about them.   But, if our children can witness true love, intimacy, forgiveness and equality in marriage, we offer them the best of gifts.   It is my personal opinion that divorces are often sought prematurely.  However, as I investigated child abuse, I learned that if there is a spouse who puts his spouse or children at significant risk of safety and well-being, due to substance abuse and/or domestic violence, divorce is often the appropriate course of action.

Finn, one of our four grandchildren born this year.

 

Many take time as the New Year approaches to set goals to seek to improve their physical and emotional health.  Now that I am in my sixties, I am grateful for some of the good choices for healthy living I made, such as avoiding use of drugs and alcohol, but there is room for improvement as I want to limit my sugar intake, eat more foods high in nutritional value and get more rest.  Yet, I choose not to make health or fitness my religion.  There is place for feasting and celebrating.  I  have a strong testimony of the importance of reading scriptures.  This daily practice not only increases our desire to live righteously, but actually gives us the power to do so.  Partaking of true principles literally adds light to our whole being and gives us spiritual strength much like eating provides us the energy to work and move.   I want to continue limiting how much television I watch.   The last two years, I took the opportunity to take lots of history classes so that I could add a history endorsement to my teaching credentials.  I didn't have much time for television.   Even with my diminished short term memory from a rear end collision, I learned so much.  Because I have taught troubled youth for almost three years, now, I also learned the joy of reading some classics.  These troubled youth love to be read to. 

One thing, I will maintain is trying to put what I am learning into words and share those thoughts.  I am still convinced that we grow through the sharing process.  Not just any sharing will do however.  Most Americans are terribly negative.  Nonetheless, it isn’t prudent to ignore the negative trends that are happening.  I believe it is expedient that we discern both good and evil and that we promote that which is wholesome and edifying.  Paul taught, “Thou hast loved righteousness and hated iniquity; therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.”   Life is a test and it places before us the opportunity to earn a reward in heaven.  The basic premise is that God is a rewarder of those that love and seek Him.

Our daughter Audrie is serving an LDS mission in Argentina

 

Part of life is having trails.  One of my new mothers, after reading child rearing books that shared what to do when you child gets ill, remarked, “I just want to avoid all of those illness in the first place.”   If she were successful in this desire, both she and her child would miss out on a lot of living.  Trials have the capacity to weaken or strengthen us.  They seldom leave us as they found us.   Man’s cruelty to man has ever existed.  Yet, no amount of human suffering needs to be entirely wasted if we turn more fully to God.  The human spirit to survive is most often present, but this is not equivalent to righteousness.  The truly righteous do not fear death, nor look for a premature escape from life.  The truly righteous are desirous of representing God well, but do not make being impressive or pleasing others tantamount to righteousness.  The righteous are willing to judge, for judgment is essential to the establishment of Zion, but they do not burden themselves with retribution, knowing it is certain and perfectly administered by eternal laws and consequences.  They raise a warning voice, but do not compel others to a course of action.  They avoid evil companions and conditions, but would come face to face with any man, or group of men, if compelled by the spirit.

I am currently in circumstances that make me feel a little anxious about my financial future.  I am not sure whether these circumstances are wholly the result of poor choices, or in part, a curriculum that was prescribed by the Lord to better prepare me for eternity.   Regardless of their origin, my trials have increased my reliance upon the Lord and my knowledge that without God, I am nothing.  They have increased my understanding that the difference between the worst and best of us is less than I ever imagined.   They have increased my compassion for others in need.  As a couple, we have sought to be prayerful in our financial decisions.  So it is kind of tricky to encourage others to follow our lead in this as we are confident we haven’t heard or implemented this process with perfection.    I had once dreamed that I had to go down some descending stairs.  When I reached the last stair, it was dark and I couldn’t see where the landing was.  But, I felt impressed to step off that last stair in faith.

In some ways,  I feel as if I am in a free fall and I don’t know how all of this is going to turn out.  However, I still feel compelled to encourage others to counsel with the Lord in their doings. (See Alma 37:37 in the Book of Mormon).  I still don't advocate a simply prudent life.  One cannot joy in this life or in the eternities if one doesn’t live by faith.  My take away from the scriptures is that the righteous are frequently asked to go forward in faith, not seeing the end from the beginning.  I believe God is a God of miracles and I am willing to trade my limited view of things for his perfect and divine perspective.  I believe that God is more interested in exalting saints than he is in making his saints appear awesome and sinless.   We are not here to promote ourselves, but Him, who is mighty to save.  Everything I have read and everything I have witnessed indicates to me that God lives and that He is mighty to save.   We discover him, by putting our lives on the altar and being willing to go where he desires to take us.  We must pray and seek to know what is God's will concerning us today.  I think each one of us has a divine mission to fulfill in mortality and that there was far more planning in our pre-mortal life than many of us suppose.

Independent of my trials, I think that it is an incredible privilege to live and learn.  I never expected that my older years would be so very exciting.   

 

Have a wonderful New Year!

 

 

When Your Babies have Babies

It has truly been an exciting few months.  One missionary daughter returned from her mission and another one just left.  One son had his first baby and another daughter just had her fifth.  Two other daughters are expecting before the year's end and we have learned that one is having a boy and the other a girl.   My year of teaching Youth in Custody at a local high school ended and I am gearing up to be the Youth in Custody teacher at a residential center.  I have been taking history graduate courses, as well as preparing to apply to graduate school.  We are anxiously anticipating the return of our son and his family from Italy where he has been serving in the JAG Corps.  They are going to be living with us initially.   I have found that one of the few constants in my life is change. 

 

 

Baby Lisbon gets to meet Finn.

When I was younger, I think I had a vision of what I thought my life would be like at this time.  I recalled growing up with older parents who nightly settled in front of the television and had a single  drink to relax before dinner.    I remember doing a lot of fishing with my father and shopping with my mother.  The pace was relaxed and unhurried.  They spent a lot of time on the patio and talked and reminisced.

Life has literally flown by.  To this point, I have enjoyed every age and every stage.  I have become a crier however.   I cry every time I hear a patriotic song.  I cry at baby blessings, marriages and baptisms.  I cry when I consider my blessings and I cry when I consider how much I still need to overcome. 

I worry about trends in America.  I worry that with some there is an inordinate preoccupation with fitness.   Paul warned against that 1Timothy 4:8.   I worry that children are being raised by day care workers.  I worry about the impact of social media and that we have forgotten that manners matter.  I feel sad that the government is trying to be all things to all people, instead of extended families taking care of the needy in their own families.     I think hope, faith, brotherly kindness and morality are being replaced by fear, greed, entitlement and pleasure seeking.  They have forgotten the security that comes from fidelity, the wonder that is present with the birth of a new baby, the confidence that comes from being morally clean, the joy that comes in small acts of service, and the character that comes from enduring difficult situations.

For me that time when I meet my maker is getting closer.  I am in the last quarter of my life.  I turned 61 last week.

  Alyse, my youngest, Shanelle, Bryan, me and Aunt Rochelle holding baby Finn on my birthday.

I love life and I love learning.  I love children.  I love the challenges and opportunities that life affords me.  I believe with all of my heart that we will have to make an accounting of our life before our maker when we die and we will respond to the great question: What have you done with you life?  I believe it was President Kimball who taught that we will need to make an accounting of how we used our time in mortality and John the Beloved taught that we will give an accounting of every idle word.    Hopefully we will have more than the following types of responses:

I watched 59,000 hours of reality television.

I hit a golf ball 30,000 times. 

I checked Facebook at least three times a day.

I ran 8,000.00 miles.

I spent 46,000 hours playing video games.

How nice it would be to say:

I read scriptures to my children each day of their lives.

I forgave others who trespassed against me.

I never gave up.

Any way, you get the idea. 

We do need to spend our time on those things that matter most.  We need inspiration to know what those things are before that great and dreadful day.  We also need time for fun, talking and sharing.

The truly good news is that it is never to late to get an A on this test.  The parable of the laborers should give everyone hope and yet . . . it is very possible to procrastinate the day of our repentance until it is everlastingly too late.  I have loved the book, Return from Tomorrow by George Ritchie.  When he was clinically dead, he had an experience where he met his maker and was asked that all important question of what he had done with his life to show the Savior the kind of love he had extended toward him.  George almost became indignant when he realized he hadn't lived the kind of life that would please his savior.  He felt he had come to a final exam and had never been told what to study.  George Ritchie then wrote what the Savior lovingly explained to him, "I told you by the life I lived. I told you by the death I died.  Look to me and learn more."  (This is paraphrased as I loaned out my book and it wasn't returned.)

Our thoughts aren't always consistent with God's thoughts and our ways, His ways.  But, we can look to Him and learn what really matters.  Few people understand the meaning of the scripture in Matthew, "Search the scriptures, for in them ye think ye have eternal life.  They are they which testify of me."    This wasn't just a plea for those present to search the scriptures, but rather a chastisement.   Some whom the Savior sought to reach literally carried their scriptures on their bodies wherever they went.  While they read and studied scriptures, those amazing principles somehow didn't penetrate their souls and change them.  They were busy keeping the letter of the law and somehow didn't come to know Him, the lawgiver.  The Joseph Smith Version of Matthew 7:32-33 reads, "And many will say unto me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name; and in thy name cast out devils, and in thy name done many wonderful works?  And then will I say, Ye never knew me; depart from me ye that work iniquity."    We can be very busy and still not know Him.  We can very old and still not know Him.

We do need to search the scriptures prayerfully and daily.  We need to extrapolate those principles by which the ancients approached and communicated with the Father.  We need a two way communication with heaven, otherwise we become a blind guide.  We need to repent, which is more than just avoiding serious sin.  It is to make better choices of our time and energies and judge the way the Savior judged.  This is an impossible task without His input and guidance. 

My young daughter leaves the country next Monday and flies to Argentina.   I will miss her so much.  The only reason I can let her go, is that she knows in whom she can rely.  She knows what it feels like to have the Spirit of God with her and she knows what it feels like to have it leave and knows how to get it back.  She is going to share that message.   I wrote the following to her today: 

"Audrie, I love you and I will pray for you daily.  Though this will be a difficult experience for you, you will have an opportunity to know your Savior more than you have ever known him because the greatest truths are mined in the "field of adversity".  You will have higher highs than you have yet experienced because there is nothing like bringing others to the source of truth.  I will do my best to progress and be a fit companion while you are gone, because if I am not going forward, I will be going backward.  It is an eternal law.  We can never stop improving and learning.  You have already touched so many lives by this decision.  I love you more than words can say!!!"

Love forever, Mom

 

Why I disliked Mother’s Day

 

I don’t know why, but this holiday for some reason was especially difficult for me this year.  I had been particularly engaged in self-reflection over the preceding months.   Perhaps it was that I am at a crossroads in my life and can see that empty nest stage fast approaching.  Most of my peers have navigated this stage well, but having a child at age 41 and again at 46 postponed it for me.  We still have three single daughters.  One is completing her degree next month, another just left on her LDS mission and the youngest will be a freshman in high school.  My sweet mother and mother-in-law have both passed away.  So, it should be a day of little pressure.  But, I felt pressure!

 

But, back to why this year was particularly difficult.   I dislike having loved ones feeling compelled to give me a gift for either Mother’s Day or my birthday.  I hate how commercial holidays are.  They use guilt to increase their profits.  However, if a child fails to fall prey to this commercialism, I feel kind of sad.  That puts my family members into a truly no-win situation.  And I even feel sad when I can't keep those beautiful fresh cut flowers alive.  I don’t know why, even when I feed and trim them regularly, they just don’t last more than a couple of days.    

 

Mother's Day is a to consider if I have been a good mother and how does one really measure that???   Good mothers have produced all types of children and good children have come from all types of mothers.    So we can’t really measure a mother’s worth by how her children turn out.   I believe that producing a child doesn’t necessarily make you a mother any more than building a house, makes it a home.

 

To me, these are, however, things that make a woman a good mother. . .

 

1.  A good mother is a woman who consistently seeks to know her creator and acquire truth.   A woman cannot teach her children to have faith, hope and charity if she doesn’t have those attributes. 

 

2.  A good mother gives her children the key to the well.  I love the anonymous quote: 
“There is a difference between the learned man who will pump you full of knowledge and the one who will give you the key to the well.”  Though my mother wasn’t religiously inclined and seldom went to Church.  She did believe in saying prayers.  She taught me to pray.  Those prayers led me to Him and He led me to church activity and affiliation. 

 

3.  A good mother seeks to teach correct principles while still preserving a child’s agency in a climate of order and safety.  Now if that isn’t a tricky job description, I don’t know what is.   We want to prepare them for adulthood because we want them to make it in a society that has laws, regulations, rules and consequences.  

 

 

4.  A good mother is a happy person.  She needs to take care of herself while not being selfish and neglecting her children.    For example, she needs to exercise without taking huge chunks of time pursuing the perfect body.  Paul, who saw our day, wisely warned against taking physical fitness to an extreme:  “For bodily exercise profiteth little:  but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.  I know mothers who don’t deviate from a prescribed daily exercise routine, but seldom have time to read their scriptures or read to their children.    These same principles apply to a host of other activities.  But, we do need to get that haircut, a new outfit, as well as groom and have growing experiences.  We want our children to see that raising children is joyful.   We want them to look forward to being parents.  I was sad when I heard a young woman say, “I don’t ever want kids.  My mom is the unhappiest person I know”. 
 

My oldest daughter Jeanette, with her daughter, loves being a mother

 

 

5.  A good mother loves and respects their children’s father.   Studies have shown that if a child can witness a truly intimate relationship, they have a greater capacity to form an intimate relationship with a future spouse.  This doesn’t mean their witnessing physical sexual intimacy.  This kind of intimacy can be observed by a child whose parents  have mutual respect and care deeply for each other.  We can’t truly have or even seek to have this kind of relationship with our children.  They will never care for us, the way we care for them.  But they will know how much we love them, when they have children of their own.  Now this is a particularly difficult task when there has been a divorce.   But, it is a Christian command to love others, ALL OTHERS.  That ability and capacity will come from our relationship with God. 
 

 

 

 

6.  In seeking to establish a house of happiness and safety, we need to be sure that our goal is not to make our child’s life ideal and stress free.   A child who is waited on hand and foot and has a “Disneyland” childhood often grows up to be self-absorbed and “entitled”.   They need to learn to work, serve and wait for some things.  They need role models who occasionally mess up and admit it.  They need to see repentance modeled.  A “ Disneyland” childhood could produce a child ill-prepared for life. 

 

7.  I am really going to go out on a limb with the last one.  A child needs a mother who is there, who puts career and time consuming hobbies on the back burner, until a later time.  A child needs supervision.  The cost of a child coming home from school to an empty house is often a cost that is far too great.  Society and divorce makes this ideal almost impossible.   If this means a smaller home, fewer extracurricular activities or whatever sacrifice it takes, you won’t be sorry.

Whatever you can do to provide that supervision and accountability will pay great dividends.   

So why was I sad this Mother’s Day?  It is to know, I come up short by my own standards!   I am not the perfect mother I want to be.   But the next day, I was fine and happy again.  My children’s imperfect mother was well celebrated, but I was ever so grateful for the atonement and another day to seek to improve.  There is a place for Holidays and traditions, a place for retrospection and honor.  Like everything else, we need to involve the Lord to help us get the right balance in the observation of these traditions.  We need Him to help us establish that right balance in everything we do.  Finally,

we simply cannot give up on ourselves or anyone within our realm of influence.  That is the perhaps the best definition of a good mother. 

 

We need to talk . . .

These four words have the ability to cause a sense of panic and dread to those who hear them, especially if they are spoken by your mother, wife or older female acquaintance.   You are almost certain her words will surmise that you haven't been listening and the substance of her message will involve something you haven't been doing or something you have been doing wrong according to her point of view.  However, I chose this title for this post not for the reasons just mentioned, but because, we really do need to talk and this compulsion sometimes intensifies the older we become.  This desire to communicate and share with loved ones and others what we think we have learned or what we are in the process of learning is strong and persistent.   We care deeply about you, our loved ones, friends and neighbors.  We want you to succeed.  We want you to stay safe and avoid the pitfalls that so many fall into.  We've lived long enough to see patterns, and cause and effect scenarios.  We are a few short years from senility.  And if we are lucky enough to come out of life's experience to this point without becoming bitter at life, and filled with a strong testimony of the purposes of life, we might actually have something that would be of value for you to hear. 

These days mothering isn't seen in the same light as it was viewed historically and older mothers are especially rich fodder for comedians and sitcoms.   The Prophet Isaiah saw our day with clarity.  It would be time when children would be quite brazen and something would happen that would be unique when compared to almost all past eras of history.  It would be a time when " the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient, (Isaiah 3:5)".  In other words, it would be a time when the elderly would enjoy little honor or respect.  It would also be a unique time when child bearing and rearing would not be considered the primary and most important task of a married woman.  Throughout the Bible, a woman's ability to bear children was considered her greatest blessing and a measure of divine favor.  I think it was no accident that some of the most noble of biblical women were tested by long periods of infertility.  I read in an ancient text that Anna, the mother of Mary, previously barren, was visited by an angel who told her that there are times "the Lord shuts the womb of a woman, only to open it up again, in a more glorious manner (Quomran Genesis Apocraphon).”    So important was this chance to bear that Moses established laws that gave women access to their husbands for the purpose of conception based upon the husband's profession.  Less demanding professions required more accessibility.   While women generally enjoy greater status than any period in history, which is a good thing, the status of motherhood has lessened, and decreases as women age.

So if we decide to brave this unpopular course of imparting our thoughts, how do we go about it? There are a variety of ways.  We can write a personal letter.  One of my children boasted that they hadn't had one of these "letters" yet.   They had had their share of camp letters and birthday wishes, but they hadn't recalled a communication they might refer to as a "call to repentance" or a "come to Jesus confrontation".   We all know it is just a matter of time before she gets her turn.

Another means is to simply send an email.  My emails are simply entitled:  "Mom letter".   They are sent out about monthly.   In it I try to share uplifting things I've recently learned, as well as address those things I think we could do better as a family.   My children are encouraged to at least let me know they have read it.  But, most often my children actually share their thoughts about its content and what they have been learning and the ways they have seen the hand of the Lord in their lives.    It is a great way to keep the whole family up to date on family activities.    It is even an opportunity to request extra prayers in our behalf during difficult times.

Another venue for sharing is to simply gather once a month as a family, especially if there are a number of married children as we have.  We take turns preparing a short gospel centered lesson and then everyone shares a brief uplifting event or thought.   We then do a "fun"  activity and of course we share good food.  Those families living away can even join us via Skype for the sharing and lesson parts.  It has been a great way to stay connected.

Finally, I enjoyed simply writing my thoughts on a subject in essay form.  This has been especially handy when one of my children approach me on a subject such as repentance when they are asked to teach or speak.  I can send them to my "Quotable Quote Binder", where they will also find the essay.   (I may include some of these essays on this blog.) 

What I have learned most is that the greatest benefit of sharing is mostly mine.  That is why I keep doing it.  It is a great challenge to put your thoughts on paper.   It forces me to review and consider the many blessings that have been mine and what I may have learned from periods of adversity.  When the kids share what they are learning, my faith is greatly strengthened.  A side benefit has been that it seems the Lord is trying to teach us all the same kinds of lessons.  We see great purpose in life struggles and realize the Lord is trying to refine our understanding of true gospel principles and identify weaknesses in thought.  Mostly, he is trying to help us understand our nothingness and how much we rely upon the atonement and that we need that atonement as much as anyone we have ever met.   I love the Bible Dictionary's definition of faith, especially the following statement:  "Faith is kindled by hearing the testimony of those who have faith".

I recalled a dream, my oldest son had while on his mission.  In the dream, he and I were scuba diving.  While we were doing so, we happened upon a treasure.  He asked me what it was, even wondering if it were the actual "Ark of the Covenant".  I told him that the treasure was Zion and "it is established in families".  That was the extent of the dream.  Zion has been defined as the "pure in heart".  Zion indicates to me a plural word meaning a group of people united in the goal of overcoming the world and seeking a heavenly connection.   We need to seek this treasure more fervently as a family.

Given our need to talk as older moms, how can we satisfy this need and still maintain relationships and credibility-- all the while still giving those within the sound of our voices, freedom to make their own choices and  the privilege of gaining their own experience?    It is a tightrope and not easily navigated.  Actually impossible to navigate if we don't involved the Lord in the process.   But I have some strange advice--advice that has not made me necessarily popular among my associates.  It is to err on  the side of saying too much rather than too little.  Certainly we need to learn when to be quiet.  Certainly, we need to make our words as palatable as possible.  But, we do need to say it, as lovingly and as succinctly as possible.   Why?  Because eternity hangs in the balance and we need to talk!

A Case For Submission

 

 

Not too long ago, I was invited to play the role of a somewhat assertive, controlling mother to an adult son in a web series.  To my surprise, this role was quite easy for me.   I don't think this was a surprise to either my husband or children.   I knew my children usually asked for Mom when they needed an advocate because, as we all know, a mother bear can be a formidable foe.  After all, some of my real adult roles in my old age have required a significant amount of boldness and assertion as I investigated child abuse and taught Youth in Custody.  But how important is submission to the life of a Christian?  How important is it in the life of an LDS woman?  Can a woman be both assertive and submissive at the same time or are these personality traits mutually exclusive?  This is actually my response to those women in the LDS church who are currently petitioning to have all the privileges that the men have, who are not as yet enjoying the privileges that are potentially theirs: 

 

Vicki as Victoria in "Think Outside the Blog"

The importance of submission and order was demonstrated in an article I read years ago about a clipper ship that broke a 140 year old sailing record.  Two men had taken a voyage from San Francisco to Boston in 69 days, 19 1/2 hours.  The clipper, Northern Light, had taken this same voyage in 1853 in 76 days and six hours.  The two men said they battled waves 18 feet high while passing Bermuda, but what would have threatened them most were disagreements that potentially could have flared up "into big problems", they said.  What prevented the latter from happening was that prior to their voyage, "there was always a clear understanding that Wilson was in command, Biewenga said."  Having a designated order in businesses, organizations and even the family helps things run well.  When it comes to things relating to the gospel of Jesus Christ, submission is not only functional, but sanctifying.  But to whom and what should we be subject to?

 

The Clipper Ship "Northern Light"

As our children grew, in spite our fair share of sibling rivalries and temper tantrums, they increased in their capacities for obedience. My son Brett, for example, was very bright and capable of debate and argument; he was nonetheless submissive and obedient to us as parents.  He understood that he needed to be submissive, not because his parents were perfect, but because he wanted the blessings that would come from honoring his parents.

 

The importance of submission to ecclesiastical leaders was reinforced to me when our local church leaders assigned everyone to read the Book of Mormon in one month's time.  I was pretty excited about that as others could learn to love that book as much as I did.  I was the gospel doctrine teacher at the time.  For some unknown reason, I thought I didn't need to complete the assignment as I already read it daily.  As the days went by, ward members would call me up and share wonderful insights about what they were reading.  Day by day, I felt a growing uneasiness that usually signaled I was in need of significant repentance.   I simply couldn't figure out what was causing me such spiritual discomfort.  I finally prayed about this feeling.  While on my knees, another ward member called and shared yet another uplifting experience.  I finally figured it out.  I am usually quite submissive, for the same reasons my son was.  I wondered how I could read the book with so many small children, so much to do and only one week left to complete the assignment.  Just then, my toddler walked in with a tape recorder, the same one you see in Toy Story, and handed it to me.   I simply listened to the Book of Mormon using tapes and thus completed the assignment.  That uncomfortable feeling diminished.

My thoughts about wives submitting to their husbands changed a bit when my sister once tried an interesting experiment for a month.  She decided she would really treat her husband as if he were the Lord of their home.  She confessed she anticipated he would love her more because of this focus, but what surprised her was that her love for him grew as a result of her efforts.  Sadly, there are those men who believe that the Patriarchal order implies that men are more important or holy than women.  The Prophet Joseph declared:  "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.  Hence many are called and few are chosen.  No power or influence ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned, (D&C 121:39-41)."  Submission, of course, does not require we act against moral or civil law, but the importance of the  patriarchal order was reaffirmed in the Garden of Eden as the Lord commanded Eve,  ". . . thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, (Moses 4:22)."  I think there may be hidden power in this practice.  I have always liked the thoughts of Goethe:  How we see people, is how we treat them, how we treat them is what they become." 

 

The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 In in the book of Ether, as recorded in the Book of Mormon, Jared relates what happened to his family during the erection of the Tower of Babel.   It is clear that the brother of Jared is the ecclesiastical or political head of his family.  It is also clear that Jared was subject to him, but had the greater gift of prophecy.  These two brothers and their interaction show what is possible when the rules of submission are followed in faith.  Jared meekly shared his ideas and inspiration with his brother and the brother of Jared was open to his ideas and prayerfully considered them.  The result was delivery and progress.  I simply consider what is possible in a family where both husband and wife work together in this manner. 

In our lives we sometimes feel at the mercy of either those who have stewardship over us or at the mercy of those over whom we have stewardship.  We are not measured by whether others choose the paths we think are best, but rather that we gave them the best opportunities to make the best choices.  Perhaps process trumps outcome; but as we try to more perfectly employ the process, we begin to see the power of the gospel at work.  I had a time in my life when requests and desires to please others seemed more than I could handle.  I had a passel of children and a newly widowed mother.  She wanted her two daughters' company on a daily basis, but could not handle the activity and fussiness of small children.  When I stayed home to be a good mother, I felt I was neglecting my mother and when I spent the day with her, I felt I was neglecting my children.  I began to somewhat resent my mother's constant requests.  I looked far in my future to the time I was a widow and I thought about one of my daughters being faced with this same dilemma.  I suddenly knew the answer.  I wouldn't want her to try and please me in this thing, but rather please God.  I took this concern and gave it to God.  I would pray daily about my service and I would get a feeling to either stay home with my children or go visit my mother.  Much of the time, I felt to go see my mother, but take my little ones with me.  Our half hour drives to and then from her home became some of our best time together as little ones slept and I visited with the older ones.  The kids were amazing on those days, a tender mercy.  I explained to my mother who was still in good health, that I could only come a couple times a week.  She complained that she would have to "go to the old folks' home", which meant  visit the Senior Citizen's Center.  She did go there twice a week and actually formed friendships and even did some dating.  What surprised me most was how my feelings towards my mother grew in love and tenderness.  I began to realize the promises made in the scriptures that as we come unto Christ and learn of Him that His yoke would be easy and His burden light, (see Matthew 11:28-30).e most was how my feelings t

Some of my greatest blessings have come when I submitted to the will of my husband in patience and faith in family decisions.  Some of his greatest blessings have come when he has prayerfully considered what I was feeling impressed to share.  One of those times occurred when we were short on finances.  I had earnestly prayed over our circumstance, because I wanted so desperately to stay home with our young children as the prophets had counseled.  One night, I dreamed that we bought a new car and this helped our circumstance.  This made no sense, even to me, but I still shared this dream with Bryan.  He initially thought this could not be inspiration, but the more he thought about it, something began to click.  We ended up selling our car which was paid for.  We then paid off all of our then current debts.  We purchased a very efficient diesel Chevette which got over 50 miles to the gallon.  During that time, Bryan was compensated for mileage at work.  We actually made money each month during the length of that loan. Our greatest challenges resulted when these principles were not adhered to. 

 

 

I believe the words of Samuel the prophet, apply both in conditions of submission to those set over us, as well as the commands of God.  "Behold, to obey is greater than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams, (1 Samuel 15:22)."  The greatest submission is found in submitting more perfectly to the will of God and involving Him in our daily decisions.  Our favorite family scripture begins with the admonition, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good. . . (Alma 37:37)."   Perhaps, in that effort, we will realize an even increased ability to love Him and those around us.

 

 

 

 

Currently, there are lots of Mommy Blogs written by those young mothers who are delighting in the joy and challenges of parenthood, but not so many "mother blogs" written by older women who are no longer in the hot and heavy of child rearing.  The protocol and script for these days are often not so clearly defined, but are filled with unlimited potential.

Those days of young mothering were happy and intense days for me.  The challenge of trying to establish some degree of order in my home, keeping little ones fed and safe and actually getting to the point of putting on some makeup before my husband came home from work was enough excitement for me for decades.  I was not one who looked at glamorous executive peers who got to go to work each day and wish I were them.  This was my world, it was what I had always aspired to be.  I spent a cumulative time of 96 months pregnant which resulted in 10 beautiful children and fourteen and counting grandchildren.  I had two early miscarriages.   I spent a cumulative 17 years being a nursing mother, give or take.  I can't even begin to calculate how many soccer games I attended, but enough to see seven of my children play high school soccer and my boys all play University Soccer.   I almost had children in four decades as my first children were born in the 70's and my last child was due on January 7, 2000.  Fortunately, she came a few weeks early.  I anticipated I could have had the first child of the new millennium and could see just the headlines:  Very Old Woman has New Years Baby.  I was 46 at the time.

I wasn't one to just have as many children as I could biologically produce as it might seem.  We didn't wait to have our first child as we had taken the advice of then current prophets to heart.  Our first child, Jeanette was born almost 11 months after our wedding day.  She was a beautiful baby with dark hair.  I had seen her in a dream almost 18 months prior.   I was teaching English at a local Junior High School.  That was a difficult time for me as I was not certified to teach English and it wasn't even one of my favorite subjects.  I was so stressed I didn't have a period for nine months.  One night I dreamed that angels came to administer to me and fix the problem.  Then, in the dream I saw myself deliver the most beautiful, dark haired baby girl, I had ever seen.   In the morning, my period had resumed and a few weeks later, I met her father. 

I thought I had experienced challenging occupations in my young life.  As I had said, I had been a first year teacher and I had also investigated child abuse until the week before she was born.  But, nothing could prepare me for the challenges of parenthood.  Jeanette was extremely fussy as a baby and didn't sleep much day or night.  She would only cat nap.  I remember being  so utterly sleep deprived.  My sweet husband would take her to our unfinished basement and trying to calm her so I could rest.  But, I could still hear her.  Yet, 11 months later, after the colic subsided, we began talking about the next child.  This one would end up being a boy and thankfully, he didn't have colic. 

This blog is not going to be a detailed description of motherhood.  But it is going to be used as a vehicle to share what I have learned during my years of mothering.   This will be coming from someone who isn't awesome, who hasn't survived what others would consider monumental challenges, who doesn't hold a calling or position of renown, who isn't considered popular, talented or gifted.  The only things that qualify me to share is that I have a deep and abiding testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I love being a woman and finally,  I am happy.  During those many years of nursing, I studied the gospel and I also developed a habit of daily journaling.

About 18 years ago, I changed the nature of my prayers.  Daily, I included three requests:  Please teach me what I am prepared to understand.  Please teach me what I need to repent of most at this time and finally, help me determine the best use of my time today.   On the days I sincerely meant those things and even wrote down what I thought I was hearing, I felt a sense of peace and progression.  And there was one more prayer that I uttered early in the year of 2001.  It was:  "Father, whatever it takes".  I gave Him permission to bring into my life whatever challenges and experiences I might need in order to know Him fully and had the potential to lead me to Eternal Life.   I found there was no going back on that request.  I am in that course and it is the toughest thing you will ever learn to love.  I have had challenges that for me were hard to bear.  They are as Neal Maxwell taught, "Designed to wring and wrench us".    During these years, I have summarized some of the lessons I have learned.  It is as if the Lord took every principle I thought I knew and rewrote it for me in my heart.  I learned about parenthood, service, repentance, faith, about Mother Eve, etc. etc.  While it seemed new to me, each principle was clearly written in the scriptures, taught in the temple ordinances and were rooted in the first ordinances and principles of the gospel. 

I won't be sharing deep doctrine, but rather simple doctrines on specific topics.  I'd love your feedback.  Sharing is a crucial component of the gospel.  As a teacher, I learned that principles are solidified in the process of sharing.  Our family also has a blog where we share what we are learning and I invite you to peruse that one as well.  http://anordinarymormonfamily.blogspot.com/

I am so excited to be at the age I am at and as I have said before, immensely grateful for one more day to prepare for Eternity. 

Love, Vicki Robinson